The WWF's Randy "Macho Man" Savage, the great friend then foe of Hulk Hogan and lover of Miss Elizabeth, died in Tampa, Florida, today. He was 58. According to police reports, he had a heart attack while behind the wheel and his car coasted over the median, into oncoming traffic and finally collided with a tree. He died from injuries in the crash, not the heart attack.
Greetings, faithful reader. We assume you are reading this on Sunday, after the Rapture did not occur on Saturday as you believed it would. How do you deal with such a stunning turn of events? We're here to help.
Last night the drums beat and the bugle sounded and it was time for another execution. One of the three remaining Idolkidz had come so far and yet here it was, about to end.
A new study—which will doubtlessly be oversimplified and distorted by liberal blogs like us in order to demonize those whose political beliefs we find repulsive—has found that Democratic professors grade like this ("I am a laid-back hippie"), while Republican professors grade like this ("All the black students fail!").
Arnold's former underage fling describes several other affairs, one of which Maria supposedly knew about. The Brangelina brood makes a "giant mess" in Cannes. Lea Michele throws a tantrum over a dress. It's TGIFriday gossip.
Which one of you liberal pranksters lit a fire in Sarah Palin's belly? Because she's totally confirmed that yes, there is some sort of flame now roasting her innards, the sort of internal situation that makes one want to run for president.
These two stars went into a treatment facility as strangers, but they made fast friends and now want to work together. This rockstar has his hands full with his wife and meddling mother and are constantly at war. He should book them both in rehab!
Three journalists who were captured and detained by Qaddafi loyalists in early April — James Foley, Clare Morgana Gillis, and Manu Brabo — were released yesterday. The fate of a fourth journalist who was with them, 41-year-old South African photojournalist Anton Hammerl, had been unclear for
the past six weeks. Hammerl was shot on April 5 outside of the Libyan town of Brega after the group came under fire from Qaddafi troops in armored vehicles. GlobalPost spoke with Foley and Gillis after their release in Tunisia:
Here in the US of A, our summer is packed with boring competition shows like America's Got Talent, in which teenage girls sing Mariah Carey ballads. That's why this clip from the show's much more awesome Greek incarnation—of two guys playing a piano with nothing but their penises—should be required viewing for future American contestants. [via Guyism]
Moss-covered property troll Donald Trump may have sacrificed a presidential bid in order to better serve the Celebrity Apprentice-watching people, but that doesn't mean he'll stop giving of himself. The man just gives and gives! Wait, did I say gives? I meant "takes"—as in $35,000 per course at his institute of higher earning, Trump U.
Sarah Palin is on top of the world! Her eldest spawn, Track, has married everything Levi Johnston is not. (Female, blonde, never posed nude, wrote an unflattering tell-all, secured the services of a bodyguard/manager, etc. ). Britta Hanson is 21, a nursing student at University of Alaska, and has been Track's girlfriend since high school. People has the official statement:
At the end of a discussion about President Obama's Middle East policy address on tonight's Factor, Bill O'Reilly explained the "Muslim problem" thusly: "For every Muslim in the world that wants democracy and wants human rights, there's one who doesn't, and the one who doesn't doesn't have any rules and will blow the hell out of the one who does." So great news, Muslims: You have a 50% chance of Bill O'Reilly's approval.
This just in: The Marriagenator has just issued a statement, soberly delivered by Wolf Blitzer. Shh! This is important. It's about his career!
Hear ye, hear ye! Canada's Conservative majority government was officially sworn in yesterday. First order of business? This etching of Jesus Christ, re-imagined as a steaming, fly-ridden turd. That vivid illustration can be found inside the CD packaging for Vancouver punk rockers Living with Lions's brand new release, Holy Shit, whose cover resembles a leather-bound bible.
Katie has left the building. After a five-year run as anchor of the CBS Evening News, Katie Couric signed off for the last time this evening.
Blood tests! Omnipresent alligators! Abounding planets! European telescope! Disappearing Avandia! Sniffing mammals! Laser wheelchairs! Repulsive energy! And DIY levees! It's your Thursday Science Watch, where we watch science—as if Schrodinger's cat would allow such a thing!
So which secret fairy-tale chamber in the skies or, alternately, below the earth's crust, is Osama bin Laden kickin' it in these days?
