You've probably never heard of Marty Martin. He spent most of his life as an anonymous CIA operative. But he very recently came out of the closet as the man Bush put in charge of finding Osama bin Laden in the aftermath of 9/11, and guess what? It turns out the man Bush put in charge of finding bin Laden is an extremely shady and allegedly corrupt war profiteer. Who would have thought?

It was always overly-simplistic to refer to Egypt's uprising as a "Facebook revolution," especially considering how difficult Facebook made it for protestors to organize. Add to that the fact that the revolution's opponents are making ample use of social networking sites as well.

You know those fancy elevators where you type your destination on a keypad, and then it groups riders into specific cars for maximum efficiency? They are increasingly used to segregate the unwashed masses from their corporate bosses, The Wall Street Journal reports.

Tonight marks Katie Couric's final broadcast as the anchor of CBS Evening News. It's the end of a well-intentioned but fruitless experiment. Sad. Sadder still, Katie still doesn't officially have a new job lined up. That's what friends are for!

Noted dick Buzz Bissinger is confused. Boxing great Sugar Ray Leonard claims in a new memoir that he was molested by a former coach. But Leonard didn't tell Bissinger, the world's greatest sports reporter, first and exclusively. So obviously Leonard is lying.

Here's a teaser trailer for This Must Be the Place, a wacky sounding movie about an aging rock star (a tiny-voiced Sean Penn) who goes hunting for a Nazi executioner. Yuppp.

This week are the television upfronts, when the networks show ever-eager advertisers the programs they're working on for the fall season. The networks want to make money off these shows. We just want to pass judgment on them.

No book has scared away more possible presidential candidates this cycle than Mark Halperin and John Heilemann's Game Change, the definitive "horse race" account of the 2008 presidential race that focuses on making every relevant politician's family life look like utter shit. Haley Barbour and John Thune have already bypassed runs this year largely on account of their spouses wanting no part of the gossip industries that would coalesce around them, and Mitch Daniels is still weighing his decision for similar reasons. But are these pulp novels giving Rep. Michele Bachmann some hesitancy, too?

Just last week, Florida police found 36 images of child porn on a Florida man's Facebook page. Last year an "international child porn ring" was busted on Facebook. In a bid to help catch future pervs, Facebook is rolling out some brand new anti-kiddie porn technology.

Rep. Gabrielle Giffords' surgery to replace part of her skull and stop fluid buildup in her brain, which sounds like an absolutely terrifying operation, went "very well" yesterday, according to her doctors. But who trusts doctors anyway? Fortunately her husband, astronaut Mark Kelly, was able to confirm the good news from outer space today, while bouncing around.

Botox Mom Kerry Campbell has released a sworn statement saying her attention-grabbing, Good Morning America-baiting scandal was a hoax!

Lars von Trier's trainwreck press conference is the gift that keeps on giving. The Telegraph posted video of von Trier's Nazi meltdown, and it's the second-most awkward press conference footage I have ever seen, right after Gloria Allred's baseball bat masturbation press conference. Seated next to Von Trier, Kirsten Dunst covers her face with her hand and looks mortified. Unless it's leftover mortification from Lars' "really, really, really hardcore" comment?

The final threeee! We are so close to the end of this thing you can almost taste it. But we're not quite there yet, so we are still tasked with the business of unpacking it all, sifting through and trying to find some clarity.

America's most huggable teddy bear, Dick Cheney, has been working on his memoirs from his CIA-bunker house ever since leaving office. It should have been on bookstore shelves for a year or so by now, former vice president's rather serious heart problems got in the way. But now that's all over! In My Time: A Personal and Political Memoir will hit shelves on August 30, so grab your sleeping bags and head over to the nearest bookstore entrance now.

Preston Mitchum just graduated from North Carolina Central University's law school. He had the honor of giving a speech at graduation. Instead of writing his own speech, Preston decided to plagiarize the one above, that he found on YouTube.

There was a debate on the floor of the Illinois Senate yesterday about the state's budget crisis, and Republican senate minority leader Christine Radogno got up to make a "point of personal privilege." The point just happened to be a quote from a Wu-Tang Clan song.

Lars von Trier is "doing [his] best" to satiate his leading lady's appetite for porn. Woody Allen says he wants to fuck all of his leading ladies. Zsa Zsa Gabor falls into a coma. Janice Dickinson loses her teeth. Thursday gossip takes a Nazi pervert at his word.

This screen idol is paying child support to multiple women—and, no, it's not Schwarzenegger. This millionaire is into some sick porn. And this star is undergoing fertility treatments. Maybe she just needs to get with that very fertile actor?

Dominique Strauss-Kahn has resigned as head of the IMF over his sexual assault case, while firmly proclaiming his innocence. What else is new on the DSK front? Plenty!

While we're busy contemplating what an awful human being Arnold Schwarzenegger is for fathering a child out of wedlock and lying to his wife about it for 14 years, let's not forget all the other horrible things about America's favorite gay-porn-modeling, serial lady-groping, Nazi politician/statutory rapist.