Did Mary-Kate hook up with Kanye on his birthday? Does Jennifer Lopez bathe in the black magic blood of Santeria chickens? Does Kim Kardashian need a decoy engagement ring? Did LeAnn Rimes make a sex tape? Friday gossip has questions.
Those lucky enough to grow up ensconced in the idyllic and unchanging lifestyle on the classic American farm have always possessed a bit of wisdom that hapless urbanites never acquired. "Sweet Jesus," the farmers say, as they lean against a wooden fence, chewing on a stalk of some sort of grain, "I'm so fucking bored. Get me off this farm before I blow my brains out. Amen."
This Hollywood lady's shaman told her to drink animal blood every day. This TV actor likes to frequent Thai brothels. And this royal couldn't stop staring at Jennifer Aniston's boobs. Looks like the shaman's spell is finally working!
Nothing sounds more liberating than spraying your genitals with DEET, then trekking through tick-infested woods amid patches of poison ivy, thorns and other underbrush totally naked, no? That's how they roll in Germany these days. A year ago, the country's "first hiking trail for nudists" opened near Dankerode to much fanfare and now, the trend could be spreading to Switzerland if the Supreme Court there approves it.
It only seems fitting that an immigration law considered by many to be totally racist, and even more awful than Arizona's SB 1070, was signed into law yesterday in... Alabama. That state's incredibly creepy-looking governor, Robert Bentley, signed what he's calling "the strongest immigration bill in the country." The details, from Reuters:
During an appearance on the Opie and Anthony radio show yesterday, conservative blogger Andrew Breitbart showed off his beloved photo of Anthony Weiner's penis and it wasn't long before the photo surfaced online. On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen poked holes in Breitbart's "I didn't know the picture would get out!" defense—much like we did earlier—except he did it with a sarcastic apology to viewers for displaying Weiner's manscaped member.
A fight broke out on a crowded boardwalk in Brighton Beach, Brooklyn on Thursday afternoon, culminating in gunfire that killed one person and injured four on the hottest day of the year so far. It's unclear what started the fight (apparently, one man hit another with an umbrella just before the shooting broke out) or who two of the victims are (the woman who died and a man in "grave condition" were both wearing bathing suits and not carrying ID), though police apparently have one person in custody. It's hard not to think that the heat was partially responsible—both for bringing huge crowds to the boardwalk, and for fraying nerves and heightening tempers—but, for what it's worth, studies show that hot months have similar crime rates to cold months. [NYDN; image via @Copacabanaa]
Ever since the Anthony Weiner story broke, Jon Stewart, a longtime friend of the congressman, has struggled with how to cover Weinergate on The Daily Show. Stewart was visibly uncomfortable with the subject right after Weiner admitted to sexting women online, and he even resorted to gimmicky distractions at one point.
Police say 23-year-old Eric Carrier, of Hooksett, N.H., faked a brain injury in order to get his diaper changed by a nurse. Apparently, he placing an ad on Craigslist posing as the father of a brain-damaged son, luring an in-home nurse to his house so the nurse could "assess what type of care she needed to provide in the future."
In 2008, presidential candidate Mitt Romney spent $2.5 million to buy a win at the Iowa straw poll (an August event that "is one of the landmark events of the nominating contest"), and then, hilariously, lost the caucuses a few months later, because he doesn't love fetuses enough and may have once seen two men kissing. So, this time around, he's just going to skip the stupid poll! This lessens his chances of winning in Iowa, but it helps Romney position himself as a pragmatic business-golfer-pleated-pants type who will create jobs, rather than a bible-thumping-intense-gaze type who will ban MTV, or whatever Republicans are into these days. Good luck creating jobs while buying into the liberal conspiracy known as "global warming," Mitt! [WSJ; image via AP]
Down in Roanoke, Virginia, WDBJ 7's Holly Pietrzak is charged with keeping residents apprised of the news. But as you'll see in the above clip, Pietrzak had some X-rated trouble recently when reporting on the fact that many teens are having luck—yes, that's luck—finding summer jobs this year. [via Reddit]
Ned Nefer and his wife Teagan are taking a walking tour of upstate New York on their way from Syracuse to Watertown. In Watertwon, they plan to visit the Children's Home of Jefferson County, where they met in the 1980s, when Teagan was "just a head."
There are senseless crimes and there is this. Four guys hanging out in Brooklyn early yesterday morning chopped down a tree so that they could steal the bike that was chained to it.
If the cancellation of Skins is any indication, America just isn't ready to see boffing kids. Also today: Julie Taymor wants her money dammit, good/bad news about your favorite future sitcom, William Shatner's got a new gig, and so does Damon Lindelof.
Just kidding! Obviously there are many, many, many more lies. But a video released yesterday of Breitbart yucking it up with the folks at Opie and Anthony while passing around a photo of Anthony Weiner's cock—a rather cavalier little party trick that resulted in a photo-of-a-photo-of-a-photo of the cock shot seen 'round the world making its way on to Twitter and this here web site—exposes three. Let's take them in turn:
In this corner, the amorphous blob of Wikileaks-loving nerds: Anonymous! And in this corner, the sometimes-relevant intergovernmental military alliance NATO! NATO wants to kill Anonymous, but Anonymous says back off.
