Our favorite story of 2011—"Man Eats His Own Beard at Knifepoint Over Botched Lawnmower Sale"—may soon come to a conclusion, with the aggressors thrown in jail for failing to pay the $570 restitution ordered by the court.

So, what does Obama impersonator Reggie Brown think about government entitlement programs? And why in the hell would anyone care? Perhaps the answer is known only to John Stossel and the residents of Fox Nation.

Three masked men, "armed with knives and a hatchet," attempted to rob a Dunkin Donuts in Hayannis, Mass. on Wednesday, bursting in through the door and demanding that the cashier hand over a paper bag in her purse. A paper bag filled with donuts.

After living in the same apartment for 30 years, Jeannetta Holden—a 59-year-old grandma and great-grandma who likes houseplants and cooking—has received an eviction notice from her landlord, who claims she's been selling drugs, shooting guns, and hanging with gangs. Supposedly police reports prove everything.

For the past 20 years, Drew Mandy—whose parents describe him as having "the mental capacity of a two-year-old"—has carried a plastic hammer toy around with him for "security" reasons. It's his thing. But recently TSA agents took his beloved hammer away from him, because it made tapping noises.

Avid Weiner-watchers in the press jumped on a Friday evening report that police in New Castle, Del. were investigating the online communication between Rep. Anthony Weiner (D - N.Y.) and a 17-year-old high school junior.

After confessing on Monday that he tweeted a picture of his penis, Anthony Weiner's online dirty laundry quickly piled up. And on tonight's Real Time, Bill Maher and Jane Lynch gave one such piece of it—Weiner's X-rated Facebook exchanges with Vegas blackjack dealer Lisa Weiss—the dramatic reading it deserved. The video (which contains strong language, obviously) is above.

Another summer weekend, another big summer release. A Super release, even! But there are a few other movies coming out too, in case Spielbergian summer wonderment doesn't float your boat.

Pretty much no one in Congress wants to be buddy-buddy with Rep. Anthony Weiner anymore, either because his peen pic grossed them out or they're worried that his colossal stupidity might be contagious. And while most once-friendly Democratic congressmen from neighboring districts in New York are trying especially hard to avoid him, old Rep. Charlie Rangel from Harlem is offering rare support for the congressman. It's better than nothing?

That tearing and gnashing noise is the sound of dozens of reporters—and thousands of bored citizens—feasting on the 24,000 pages of email from Sarah Palin's days as governor of Alaska that were released today. We haven't read them all—not all have been scanned in yet—but here are some of our favorites so far:

When aging musical jack-of-all-trades Jack White of the White Stripes and his model wife Karen Elson announced their divorce to friends, it wasn't with teary phone calls in the middle of the night, it was with an invitation. They're throwing a divorce party!

At least some players in the world of High Finance are starting to ease up about the consequences of the United States defaulting on its debt. Until recently, the consensus had been that any default caused by Congress' failure to raise the debt ceiling would risk a calamitous panic, so the hike shouldn't be open to the politics of brinksmanship. But now that analysts listening into Washington are expecting a ceiling hike to coincide with long-term debt reduction measures, then, well, maybe a brief "technical default" of a "few days" would be worth it if Congress needs that time to strike a deal. Sounds easy! Let's do it. But maybe not? Because this all rests on a pretty thin reading of our irreparably broken political system.

A 12-person fight broke out at 30,000 feet on a Virgin flight from England headed to Barbados. It had to be broken up by crew and other passengers. But what got the whole thing started?

Sure, we'd heard there was a civil war at AOL following the Huffington Post merger. But we never imagined we'd be hearing tales quite so evocative of schoolyard bullying. Team HuffPo is apparently the meanest clique at AOL Junior High.

The final chapter of the Housewives jaunt to Morocco was like the third act of a farce, wasn't it? There were comical fights, mistaken identity, mental breakdowns, and just packs of characters marauding around a compound creating mischief. And just about everyone cried.

Are you a college student who frequently detects political bias of one sort or another in your professors? Chances are, you're dumb.

Check out Mark Zuckerberg's fancy new stationery, featuring embossed paper that reads "FROM THE DESK OF MARK ZUCKERBERG, FOUNDER & CEO OF FACEBOOK." Ben Barry, a graphic designer who works at Facebook, explains its purpose:

Moments ago in Juneau, Alaska, state employees started handing out 55-pound boxes full of paper to dozens of awaiting reporters. Each set of six contains nearly 25,000 printed pages, comprising the entirety of Sarah Palin's e-mail correspondence during her half-term as governor of Alaska. Get reading!

No longer will summer blockbuster enthusiasts across America have to spend the dog days sitting through such dreck as Pirates of the Caribbean 4, Transformers 3, and that thing where Kevin James talks to a lion. At least those within the vicinity of an AMC Theatres, that is, because the chain has sealed distribution rights for The Undefeated, the Sarah Palin-commissioned documentary about how Katie Couric and some bloggers are mean. Finally, a summer movie for grown-ups! Can't you just feel the grift?

Before she died, Elizabeth Edwards recorded a videotape memorializing in detail everything she knew about John Edwards' affair with Rielle Hunter and attempt to cover it up and had it delivered to the prosecutors investigating him for campaign finance violations. Tough broad.