Mitt Romney is still pretending to be an immigration hawk for the purposes of destroying Rick Perry, who as Texas governor signed a law offering in-state tuition to children of illegal immigrants.
Here's a trailer for the upcoming thriller Contraband, one of those he-got-out but he needs to get-back-in thrillahs that are just pretty damn by the book at this point.
America's saddest divorce has its saddest development yet today. Also: Patrick Schwarzenegger is in trouble, Jack Osbourne is getting hitched, and Rihanna has genitals.
As maybe the largest-ever gathering of Tea Partiers commences in Illinois this week, congratulations are due to Mr. Steve Stevlic, the activist without whom TeaCon 2011 would be impossible. Stevlic is the head of the Chicago Tea Party, one of the con's primary sponsors. In the words of radio host and National Review columnist Mark Levin, Stevlic's "terrific." According to CBS, he's the "Democrats' nightmare."
California public school teacher Steve Cuckovich pissed off religiously minded parents—and Jesus—when he reduced the test score of a student who said "bless you" to a sneezy girl-classmate. Saying "bless you" is disruptive, Cuckovich says. But so is sneezing, so hopefully he lowered the girl's test score as well.
Don't you sometimes wonder about all the useful information your favorite banks, bill collectors, and mortgage lenders would be sharing with you via your cell phone, whenever they felt like it, if they only could? If our representatives in Washington pass the Mobile Informational Call Act of 2011, you won't have to wonder anymore!
Recently the California Department of Motor Vehicles released a list of 100 vanity plates they rejected as part of their efforts to keep California classy. Not to be outdone, Florida's DMV has released its own list of banned plates—and it's way more scatological and private-partcentric than California's.
How many cars do you usually leap over at one time, when you do that? British long-jumper and Olympic hopeful J.J. Jegede can clear at least three, as he demonstrates in this video shot near the Tower Bridge in London. (A nifty time-lapse picture of Jegede's 20-foot jump lives here.) Jegede's personal best is 8.04 meters—still not enough to qualify for the Olympics, but there's still time.
I don't know this teacher's name or where his school is located. But I do know he's positively the man for defusing a confrontation between two students with a 60-second verbal spanking the likes of which I've never seen. If you're looking for an example of why retaining great teachers is so important to our nation's future, well, this is it. [via Reddit]
The desperate deluxe Trump Taj Mahal Casino Resort in gross glamorous Atlantic City features the best of everything, naturally. But now guests at Donald Trump's vomit-tinted Xanadu can look as great as the Taj makes them feel, as the hotel is awarding a $25,000 plastic surgery gift certificate to one lucky card player, good for "mix and match surgeries, including breast enhancements, tummy tucks, liposuction and face lifts." But why go so run-of-the-mill, when you could instead use that money to have the hair from a giraffe's nutsack grafted directly onto your scalp, which you might then style in a fetching, comb-forwarded fashion that's sure to excite your mail-ordered, Slovenian succubus bride? You do deserve the best, after all. [AP, photo via Getty]
Courtney Love is writing a book! Or rather, a ghostwriter is being yanked from his bed in the middle of the night, shackled to a desk in an abandoned warehouse, and forced to whittle down 10,000 hours of scrambled spoken thoughts and profanity into something resembling a coherent sequence of ideas expressed in written words, i.e. a book!
If you grew up on the East Coast of the U.S., you've likely dined at a Friendly's restaurant in your lifetime, and very possibly more than once. It was the depressing, suburban chain restaurant that was a little less depressing than the others, mainly because the promise of an ice cream sundae — the "Happy Ending," as their menu dubbed it, sweetly oblivious to any vulgar connotations such a term might imply — awaited you after every overcooked hamburger and soggy tuna melt.
Jon Stewart spent some time on The Daily Show covering the ongoing (and ever-growing) Occupy Wall Street protests. As you might expect, most of the segment was focused on pepper-spraying NYPD Deputy Inspector Anthony Bologna. Less expected was the trailer Stewart showed off for a fake TV series called Tony Bologna the Vigilogna starring Chris Meloni.
