A fall weekend is a perfect time to see a new movie, even if that new movie is about cancer or haunted houses or catastrophic natural disaster. Those are the movies debuting this weekend.

On the eve of Florida's bestiality ban, let's catch up with zoophilic memoirist Malcolm Brenner, whose book Wet Goddess describes a nine-month sexual relationship with a theme park dolphin in Sarasota. After two weeks living in the eye of a bestiality news storm, Brenner lost his job as a photographer and endured harassment. But he's also had sucess: Orders for his book are pouring in faster than he can fill them. He is in touch with an editor at a "large New York publishing house," and has told his story to audiences as far away as India.

This week I was going to give everyone the ax who has a star but has yet to upload an avatar but, well, we haven't been showing avatars for days now. The tech team is working on it, I assure you, and while we wait I figured we'd focus on a few people who've engaged in one of my least favorite pet peeves.

Not that you needed any proof that Doug Schoen, the angry white pollster who plays the role of "Democrat" stool pigeon in the Fox News' political soap opera, is actually revanchist conservative just like the rest of them. But just in case: A tipster reports that Schoen will be briefing members of a notorious right-wing secret society on Monday. Because that's the sort of thing Democrats do, for fun.

President Obama's not the only one desperately trying to raise last minute third quarter cash with transparent buddy-buddy gimmickry. Mitt Romney's also offering the opportunity of a lifetime: A chance to spend a day with him on the campaign trail! Can you even imagine having to spend an entire day with Mittens "Willard" Romney? Who's paying who here?

Yesterday Canada's National Post newspaper ran this rather questionable ad which alleged teaching children about gay and transgender tolerance would turn them into crazy schizophrenic homosexuals who don't know what gender they are. They have now apologized. Kinda.

Donald Trump was all excited this morning that his suit line was debuting at Macy's. Well, it seems like it's about a step away from being on sale at Daffy's because, as Mogulite pointed out, the suits are already 70% off.

Today is the last day that you can legally fuck an animal in Florida. At the stroke of midnight on October 1st, the Sunshine State's new anti-bestiality law goes into effect, forbidding "sexual contact" and "sexual conduct" with "animals." (So it might be illegal to have sex with other humans, too. Molds and fungi, however, are fair game.) Floridians: How do you plan to spend these precious final hours of legal bestiality?

A year plus after the whole late night kerfuffle, everyone's back to not caring at all about late night. During this past premiere week (when all the shows are new and sparkly) both Jay Leno and David Letterman's ratings bombed.

There is much confusion on the internet over whether or not Radiohead will be playing a "secret" show for the protesters in Lower Manhattan at 4pm. So we decided to check it out ourselves.

Sgt. Matthew W. Simmons, an active duty member of the Marine Corps Band, may be breathing a bit easier today because a military court ruled that it was fine and dandy that he filmed some gay porn movies wearing pieces of his Marine uniform. Wow, "don't ask, don't tell" fell and now soldiers making gay porn is just hunky dory.

Well now HERE's something wacky: even though white folks in America are losing the baby-having contest, our numbers just keep rising on the latest census. Why? Because we run that shit. But also: everyone wants to be white!

It seems there was a surprise visit during a recent taping of Real Housewives of New Jersey. New cast member Melissa Gorga had a run-in with her old boss from Lookers, a strip club. Yooops!

The third quarter fundraising deadline for presidential candidates is today, today's the day! If you are subscribed to President Obama's campaign email or text message alert lists, you're well aware of this, because you are constantly getting emails and text messages with cutesy variations of, "So how bout those dumb Republicans, eh? Want to have dinner? Give us money right now." Here's the official recorded history of this aggressive blitz, going back a couple of weeks.

In your mordant Friday media column: Judith Miller critiques someone else's journalism, the Occupy Wall Street Journal is coming, the NYO begs for a raise, Slate redesigns, and Jill Abramson wants questions from you.

Bank of America's web site has been intermittently down today, which happens to be one day after the company announced a new policy of charging customers for the right to access the money that they gave to Bank of America (think of it as a negative interest rate).

On this episode of our little internet talk show Gawkerazzi we take on the craziness of Lindsay Lohan in Milan, Nicki Minaj's chicken wing necklace, and Jennifer Lopez wrestling a turkey. Please join us while we jeer at celebrity fashion.

Gawker Book Club is back! Today, we bring you an excerpt from Sad Monsters—an illustrated book of "humorous stories about the undead ... and the unloved"—written by Colbert Report staff writer Frank Lesser, and illustrated by Willie Real.

For the first time in two years, Americans' income fell last month. The drop was a meager .1%, but it was accompanied by a .2% increase in spending, which means your costs went up by twice the amount your pay was cut. But don't worry, because analysts estimate that corporate earnings of the S&P 500 companies will increase by 13% this quarter, so maybe you can borrow some from them? Just blue-skying here.

After the last dispatch of Jersey Shore, the greatest sociological experiment of our time, we thought Snooki's boyfriend was gone for good, until he wasn't. We then thought Deena was pregnant, until she wasn't. The Situation was a dick and Vinny has a big one, but we know that already.