All of you Goldman Sachs employees who are schizophrenic suffering from [personality-affective mental disorder] and therefore thought that you'd go on down to Zucotti Park and protest yourself: your employer would rather that you not. John Carney reports:

Yet another poll confirming Herman Cain's rise to the top of the presidential candidate pyramid has come out today. Public Policy Polling finds him securing 30% of the national primary vote in its monthly poll, a 22 percentage point gain from last month. What is going on here?

The Federal Reserve is working toward monitoring Facebook and Twitter to find out what people online are saying about the government bank's discount rate, open market operations and overall monetary policy. Do we tell them now that no one on Facebook or Twitter has ever given a shit about any of those things, or leave it for a surprise?

The mumbling woodchucks over at Fox & Friends were discussing Texas governor Rick Perry's support of the DREAM Act this morning and, to provide an opposing voice, brought on two young men from Texas A&M's Texas Aggie Conservative Student Group.

When asked about The Devil Wears Prada, designer Jean Paul Gaultier tells the Independent: "Anna Wintour is a lot more monstrous than she is described!" Pack your bags, Jean Paul, because it looks like your fashion career is over.

The title of bumbling self-parody Tom Friedman's column today is "There's Something Happening Here," which is a little misleading. Yes, there is something happening; of that, Tom Friedman is certain. But if you came looking for what is happening, you'll be disappointed.

White collar professionals across America are spinning their trackwheels in vain today, the day the Personal Digital Assistants died. Widespread BlackBerry outages in Europe, the Middle East, Africa, and India reached North America today, leaving thousands of cubicle dwellers in the U.S. and Canada mashing their fingers against microscopic keypads in vain.

Oprah Winfrey's struggling cable network OWN pinned high hopes on its new evening talk/variety/whatever-the-hell-else program The Rosie Show but alas, if Monday's debut ratings is any indication, it failed to deliver.

In your bleary Wednesday media column: the WSJ's European publisher is forced to resign, paywalls come to college papers, Jennifer Granholm gets a TV show, a money back guarantee for advertisers and "Brother" Bill O'Reilly.

Last year, the FBI admitted to using large portions of a random Spanish politician's campaign photograph for an age-progressed mockup of Osama bin Laden, which happened to look a lot like the random Spanish politician. Now he's suing.

Now this is just too easy, but here goes: Curry Todd, a state lawmaker in Tennessee who sponsored a 2009 law allowing people to carry handguns in bars and restaurants provided they don't drink, was arrested last night and "charged with DUI and possession of a handgun while under the influence."

Texas resident Colleen O'Neal is suing Continental Airlines and two other carriers for a short 2009 flight from College Station, Texas, to Houston that was exceptionally bumpy. Apparently she now has post traumatic stress disorder.

Did you know Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss, professional Facebook suers, don't even want to pay the attorneys who secured their obscene $200 million settlement from the social network? It's true. But after losing to their ex lawyers in arbitration, in the New York Supreme Court, and now the New York Court of Appeals, they might actually have to fork over a 20 percent cut.

Speaking of the laughable campaign to make breakfast cereals like Lucky Charms "healthy," here's a nice selection of revamped cereal boxes that guerrilla-ish artist Ron English left on a shelf at a grocery store in Venice, California. Kellogg's really should release "Sugar Frosted Fat."

Of all the stupid things in all the world, a restaurant in Canada is trying to ban men from their God-given right to pee standing up. That's right, the last acceptable (semi-)public display of masculinity is now being brought to its knees—or rather to its ass on a slimy, germ-filled toilet seat. Sad.

California livin' Prince Harry, sex ambassador from the UK, was hanging out at a San Diego hotel pool last weekend when a young woman was tossed into the water fully clothed. Quel horror! Luckily the dashing Harry was there to rescue her.

A Florida man has been arrested in connection with a spate of celebrity hacking cases, which hit Scarlett Johansson, Vanessa Hudgens and others. According to TMZ, the guy was a "lone wolf" who hacked for the thrill, not the money.

Florida's comically unpopular governor, Rick Scott, has decided to pick another new, arbitrary fight: This time with anthropology majors! And psychology majors, and really all liberal arts/social science majors, whom he believes his state university system subsidizes for no good reason. Have any of these invalids ever gotten a job, in Florida? There is no reason to humor them any longer.

Ashton's hot blonde lover tells all. Kristen Stewart says her teachers failed her. Beyonce says her bump is real. Rashida Jones poses in bunny ears and calls penises "unsexy." Wednesday gossip lasts for hours.

If there's one guy in the world who knows something about populist protests, it's Iran's supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. Today he said the Occupy Wall Street protests will bring American capitalism to its knees.