On Sunday, a man standing outside the train station in Gothenburg, Sweden, "suddenly caught on fire," according to a witness. Police have no idea who he is. Welcome to another weekend in the country that brought you Girl With the Dragon Tattoo!

Tonight, Fox News hosts Bill O'Reilly and Megyn Kelly got to talking about a UC Davis police officer's appalling use of pepper spray on nonviolent protesters over the weekend. Guess what direction the conversation took!

"Ornelas advised that she was extremely upset with her boyfriend because she did not see the movie Twilight like they were suppose too [sic]." — Eighteen-year-old Olivia Ornelas explains why she was driving drunk with no right front tire.

Who says only dirty hippies show up to the Occupy Everywhere protests? Why, down in Houston, they had a guy dressed in "business casual"! Of course, he was firing a rifle into the air, and was shot in the ankle by police officers. But, c'mon: it's Texas.

Cheer up! Sure, it's a Monday, and Mondays are the living worst, but it's the Monday before Thanksgiving which means it's a short week. And a week of festive Thanksgiving-themed specials on TV!

Bravo is all set to announce plans to take Andy Cohen's Half-Hour Make Me Famous Hour from its current Sunday and Monday airings to five nights a week. His plan for global media domination is working! Yes, Watch What Happens Live will now run Sunday through Thursday.

Facebook wants you to trust it to live in your pocket wherever you go, to get inside your GPS-enabled cell phone. That's a bold request from a company famous for its flagrant privacy violations. But Facebook is charging ahead.

UC Davis Chancellor Linda P.B. Katehi apologized to a group of students for last week's casual pepper spray incident, saying "I feel horrible for what happened on Friday." She's not going to resign, but UC Davis' police chief Annette Spicuzza has been placed on leave.

Badly! Presidential candidate and congresswoman Michele Bachmann's new memoir Core of Conviction is out, and Mother Jones' Tim Murphy has read it, for some reason. Here are some of the wrong things Bachmann wrote in her book, about herself.

In case you don't follow international politics (and I know you don't), the right-wing Popular Party won the elections in Spain over the weekend. Here is one couple who came up with a very inventive and sexxxy way to protest the party who promises to repeal same-sex marriage rights.

Mitt Romney is a good Mormon, a model member really, who does not drink alcohol or coffee or smoke tobacco. Sorry, let me fix that: Mitt Romney was a good Mormon, or at least considerd such, until today. He's come clean and admitted that he has, in fact, imbibed death juice and — dare we say it? — puffed a death puffer. Another flip-flop, and one that could land him an eternity on whatever distant sulfuric planet it is (Delaware?) that they keep Mormon Hell on these days.

Acupuncture kids! Stem cells! Text bullies! Boundary effect! Pig drugs! Tainted jerky! Elderly pain! Light brains! And the super Greek diet that will save us all! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—pointedly!

Hugh Grant added some star power to the phone hacking scandal today when he appeared on the stand in London to tell everyone that he thinks his phone was hacked. He's not sure it was hacked, but he has a sneaking suspicion. It appears that is enough to testify these days.

Newt Gingrich is just a factory of rich, intellectual, stimulating ideas that no one has ever considered before, as Newt Gingrich is the only person who meets the intelligence threshold necessary to conceive him. Gingrich himself has been telling us this for 30 years, and finally — finally — we cretins have agreed to coronate him as president. Sorry, to keep you waiting, sir! Now that we've come to our senses, let's look at some of the impeccable policy ideas perfected each day in the Gingrich Idea Cave that will make it to the Gingrich Administration.

The Steven J. Baum law firm, the awful New York foreclosure mill whose employees threw that homeless-themed Halloween party, is closing down just a month after pictures of the party were published by the New York Times. Bwahahahahahahahahaha.

With Ashton Kutcher, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Selena Gomez tech investing, it's no wonder startup founders are asking how to effectively spray tan. Dismiss it as a joke now, Silicon Valley, but in five years this'll be an actual issue.

Beware the turkey jihad! Unsuspecting families across Christian America will sit down to Thanksgiving dinner this week, completely unaware that they are about to feast on a bird that was slaughtered in accordance with Shariah law and will therefore give them Islamic cooties!

Newspapers, magazines, TV networks and online conglomerates are laying off journalists left and right, but even the sad crumbling world of professional news delivery has a fortunate one percent. This elite group now includes Ben Parr, whose employer Mashable, the tech blog, paid him a $250,000 retention bonus only to turn around and fire him. Meet the happiest unemployed journalist in the world!

In your merciless Monday media column: Bloomberg rules, Romenesko is back, the endless "off the record" debate, David Frum vs. Fox News, and Luke Russert's all grown up.

Who is to blame for the failure of our glorious experiment in government engineering, the Joint Select Committee on Deficit Reduction a.k.a. the supercommittee, to meet the public's desire for trillions of dollars in spending cuts and tax hikes that the public doesn't want? Our best guess is that it's the supercommittee that is to blame for the failure of the supercommittee. Others would disagree!