If you order anything from McDonald's breakfast menu aside from hot cakes or some sort of biscuit sandwich, you deserve to be disappointed and/or disgusted. That said, no ordering mishap, not even one as egregious as that, merits the discovery of a nose ring in your breakfast burrito.

By 11:30 this morning, several dozen people wrapped in winter coats and wielding hand-drawn posters had assembled on the corner in front of the Wendy's on the Fulton Mall in downtown Brooklyn, across from the Modell's and the Bank of America, with the purpose of addressing that most fascinating question in labor relations: Can fast food workers ever be unionized? Here, in New York, today, a lot of fast food workers decided to skip the theory and proceed directly to the "Fuck you, pay me" phase of the process.

New Yorkers will soon find themselves facing a fear they haven't known for centuries: the king could show up on their doorstep at any time.

There was a time, Ad Age tells us, when canned soup or cereal were considered "easy" foods to prepare and consume. Can you imagine? The package-opening, the pouring-out, the adding of milk or water—if that was "easy," people in the olden days must have had it rough! Kids these days know better. For America's Greatest Generation—the Millennials—the future of food is a simple process of raising the Tater Stuffer™ from the rotating 7-11 heating case into one's mouth in one smooth, painless motion.

Do you hear that sound? That's the sound of my heart breaking because you motherfuckers are not doing your part keep McDonald's afloat.

Dog food repurposing factory Taco Bell, which is in the process of becoming "upscale" in the sense of "selling food with a greater number of ingredients than a bean burrito," is rolling out some new Snaxxx that are perfectly suited to the sensitive and ever-evolving American palate. In the sense of "containing a quantity of carbohydrates sufficient to sustain a camel's complete journey through the harsh Sahara Desert."

Yes, it's that time of the year again, when all your favorite foods turn into pumpkins.

How much would you pay for a sauce if you happened to be eating a sandwich without sauce? $65? $10,000? An infinite number of dollars and promises and begs? What if the sauce was 20 years old? How much would you pay to taste the sauce of glories past?

Wendy's, the restaurant where dreams come true if, in your dreams, burgers are square, has just released an image of its new logo, the first update to the chain's design in almost thirty years.

Fast food restaurants: do you think they're "all the same?" Sure, and I guess human beings are "all the same" too, right? That's what Hitler thought, as well. For the rest of you, who know better, America's fast food establishments beseech you to take into considerations all the important factors relevant to your choice of a casual dining establishment. Once you purchase that McGriddle, there's no going back for a Croissanwich. This choice is forever.

McDonald's, the world-wide leader in burger-based foods, announced today plans to open its first all-vegetarian restaurant in the northern Indian city of Amritsar.

Tired of having to purchase your pizzas and Cinnabon rolls separately? Introducing the Pizzabon.

A San Antonio man was sentenced to just under 22 years in prison for selling child porn to customers at the Wendy's where he worked.

KFC has quite literally topped itself in the dumb sandwich department with the introduction of its latest napkin industry tie-in, the Cheese Top Burger.

It's an open secret that the city of London's Olympic bid was nothing more than a brazen attempt to lure America's most popular fast food corporations to open up franchises in that dusty, far flung corner of the world. Now The Guardian reports London is finally getting what it craves: its very first fifty-first McDonald's.

28-year-old Del Taco employee Gabriel Villalba of Southern California was arrested last Thursday for allegedly stabbing a customer who complained about his order.

O, little town of Bethel, Alaska. Things were finally looking up for you.

If the average American had his way, every item that he encountered on a day-to-day basis—cars, household appliances, furniture, children—would be breaded, fried, and then cut into "chip" size for purposes of snacking convenience. Also, all of the aforementioned things would be made of chicken. The great folks in the fast food industry are doing everything in their power to make this "American Dream" come true.

The good-natured doofuses from that remedial nighttime math class you took sophomore year, Burger King, have unveiled summer's latest punch line: a sundae that is both filled and garnished with bacon: "The Bacon Sundae."

A McDonald's restaurant in Tampa apparently had so many health code violations it initially barred a state health inspector from entering the kitchen.