Wantin' a cheeseburger real, real bad. We've all been there. I'm there right now, because I'm having falafel for lunch. Busta Rhymes was there last night, when he reportedly threw such a fit in a Miami restaurant (after his cheeseburger was served to him with ketchup on the side) that the restaurant's owner called the police.
In a move that is predicted to tip the balance of power in the entire U.S. fast food industry and spark an advertising war between top players that could cost hundreds of millions of dollars, McDonald's is set to roll out the "biggest launch of 2013," which will reach into every corner of American dining culture: some chicken wrapped up in a tortilla.
Sort of. The company reportedly added 15,000 jobs in the U.S. last year, outpacing their brethren-in-saturated-fat at KFC, Pizza Hut, and McDonald's, according to Greg Creed, the company's CEO. But how were they able to accomplish such an economy-saving feat? By creating and then patenting the revolutionary Doritos Locos Taco, that's how.
Do you know who the youngest female billionaire in America is? No, of course you don't. That's why you read this website. To learn that she is the heiress to the In-N-Out Burger chain fortune, and she is colorful.
"He always lived by his own rules," said Linda Phiel, referring to her father David S. Kime Jr. "His version of eating healthy was the lettuce on the Whopper Jr."
McDonald's, a machine for turning cow fat into money, is really into America, Christmas, Kwanzaa, holidays, whatever the fuck, assuming those holidays are celebrated at a McDonald's restaurant, or sitting in a parked car in a McDonald's parking lot, forcing down McDonald's food as tears stream down your face. All you have to do is to look at McDonald's advertisements to realize that McDonald's has the utmost respect for family, togetherness, happiness, America, freedom, blah blah buy some french fries. McDonald's would open a location at your mother's funeral if it thought it could sell one additional Filet-O-Fish.
