Former Clinton White House mouthpiece Dee Dee Myers just called Barack Obama "the most famous living person in the history of the world." Whatever! What about, like, The Pope? Or Tom Cruise!

New book Six Degrees of Paris Hilton profiles Darnell Riley, a shady criminal and pseudo-celebrity hanger-on who knows many wicked Hollywood-sleaze secrets. The tome spins many damning stories about the hood-lidded socialite's sordid existence.

John McCain was indeed right. Barack Obama, our glorious just-out-of-the-box new president, is nothing more than a common celebrity. Just look at today's famous person gossip rags.

Magazines! Nightclub appearances! The once easy-access revenue stream for desperate celebrities is swiftly drying up in the shadow of this New Depression.

Actress Scarlett Johansson is sick with a cold and she is famous. Therefore she can go on the Tonight Show, blow boogies into a tissue, and then sell it on eBay for money.

Now that slushy pop entertainer Britney Spears has come back, what's she gonna do now that she's back on top? Who's she gonna do? And most importantly, will she screw it up again? Let's predict!

· Megan Mullally, Kelsey Grammer, Charles S. Dutton, Bebe Neuwirth and Debbie Allen will star in MGM's remake of Fame. They are still looking for the breakout star who will play Coco Hernandez, forced to undress in tears as she capitulates to the perverted whims of a phony director and his "screen test." Coco will never be the same. [THR]
· To recoup some of his holding company's staggering $1.6 billion debt, Sumner Redstone reluctantly sold his majority stake in Midway Games Inc.—which also meant relinquishing the prized Ms. Pac Man bow he loved wearing to industry functions. [Variety]
· NBC tasted a rare victory last night thanks to a fierce battle between some Vikings and some Bears, neither of which had anything to do with Rosie O'Donnell. [Variety]

Let's do the math here: Ashley Alexandra Dupre, America's most famous hooker, hits the news in March when her fortuitous association with Eliot Spitzer becomes public. Except for some vague second-hand insinuations that she wants a record contract, she doesn't make any real career moves until now, when she decides to do her first interviews with the press. We're pretty sure that she's been getting advice—but are her advisers looking out for her interests as much as we, the gossip bloggers, are? Doubtful. We've put together a complete guide to career options for Ashley—or any woman who finds herself famous after a sex scandal—after the jump. Simply select one and go, Ashley:

Presidential elections aren't just about the candidates; they're about all the random crazy people only tangentially related to the candidates and their campaigns, the ones who are hyped into momentary superstardom by political reporters desperate for storylines. Or by the candidates themselves, desperate to deflect attention. The question for these random people is, how to capitalize on this brief and undeserved moment of fame? Joe the Plumber is determined to become a country music star! And he's just one of multitudes. We're here to help, fame whores! After the jump, we tell the incidental stars of this godforsaken election cycle what they should do with their lives after November 4, so that they may not be forgotten:

When you cut through all of the (self-imposed) clutter surrounding Julia Allison—the oversharing, the wacko pictures, the grandiose self-fascination—what you get, fundamentally, is someone who really knows how to get publicity. Today PRWeek (my old employer) interviews Julia on her PR strategy, and you might be surprised to discover she is way more savvy than 90% of the "new media" specialists actually employed in the PR industry. The guiding principle that has taken her this far: "I think that saying yes to things is smarter than saying no to things." See, Julia has actually prospered (in a publicity sense, okay?) by not following the advice of PR agencies:

That would be comedienne Rosie O'Donnell, wig-wearer Donald Trump, crazy actress Julianne Moore, crazy actor Alec Baldwin, New York thoroughbred Sarah Jessica Parker, and celebrated thespian Patricia Clarkson. And they're all nice! Or so says Village Voice darling and all around geigh dude Michael Musto, based on his experiences with how they treat the press. Ahh, they're nice to the press huh? They always remember names and stuff? Well that's easy enough to fake. They just have their assistants look up whatever journalist they're meeting with that day, print out a picture, and make a little flashcard. Simple as that! Of course these people are friendly to the press. They're at work. Though I'm sure myriad waiters and Starbucks baristas and parking valets and hotel concierges would agree with the choices, right? Right?

Something called "The Upgrader" at Conde's style.com has ranked some "Microcelebrities," which means uppity women who are famous on the internet, plus Jakob Lodwick and the Tron guy. And now you get to read tiny bitchy capsule reviews of these women's internet accomplishment and then vote on them, or something. Why? [The Upgrader]

The image on the left is a portrait by UK artist Mister Aitch (which we brought you last week along with several awesome action photos), showing semi-anonymous street artist-to-the-stars Banksy in profile, dressed as the Queen of England. The image on the right is the actual photo of Banksy from which the portrait was drawn. A tipster sent us the full photo-which, as far as we can tell, is not currently published anywhere-which is part of a set of photos taken of Banksy at work in Jamaica in 2004. The much-hyped "only known photo" of the artist is taken from this set. But after the jump, we have two more photos from that set, including one of the mystery man's face in profile:

The woman behind baffling social/creative relationship-mapping website FameGame is profiled in the Observer this week. "There are still people all the time who are figuring out ‘You're behind FameGame?'" Tatiana Platt, a former AOL executive, tells them. Actually, there are still people trying to figure out what FameGame is, and how the hell it works, and also what is the point. Still, we may be missing something here: "There's a few women that refer to me as their genius friend." [Observer]

Do you remember Alex McCord? Of course you do. She's the Real Housewives of New York City reality show star with the sorta-gay husband who likes to pose nude a lot. If she was one of your favorites on RHoNY, fear not. She and hubby Simon and their two poor bastard fake French children will be stomping around Boerum Hill for the show's second season. Never mind that the pair were painted as status-hungry buffoons on the first season; filming begins soon for the second, and Silex are excited:

Jeez. Busty Amanda Congdon left her gig hosting internet video time-waster Rocketboom back in 2006? Has it really been so long since anyone's heard from her? Well, you know the story. She moved on to bigger and better things, on proper television. An HBO development deal and a gig with ABC news. Neither went anywhere. ABC had no use for her, and they were also a little peeved that she was doing "freelance commercial work" for DuPont. Her development deal developed nothing. So now she's hooked up with some production studio called Media Rights Capital to make another cheap web video program. Hooray! Did you know Congdon invented being internet-famous, btw?

If Axl Rose walks through Manhattan and nobody recognizes him, should he be so pissed off about it?

Do you really want to know what Spencer and Heidi were wearing in Midtown today? Our stalker has the deets.

George Clooney has jokes. His latest celebrity-based antics: a swarm of paparazzi descended upon his house in Italy after a (false) rumor spread that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were going to be getting married there. Clooney, who was away working, heard about this, and ordered 15 large wedding tables to be set up on the house's lawn. The paps went crazy [Hollyscoop]! Clooney laughed. He's a funny guy. But there's more to this than just a friendly joke. Because George Clooney, one of the biggest celebrities in the world, doesn't just want to make himself chuckle; he wants to undermine the entire celebrity economy that gives him his lofty position in the first place.

John Mayer: some of us believe the crappy emo singer and blogger should take his guitar and go play in traffic; others believe he is hot, and therefore not that bad. But one thing we can all agree on is that he should not be a sports announcer. The evidence? This minute-long clip of him, for some reason, announcing a preseason baseball game in Tokyo. Which makes about as much sense as him supporting Ron Paul. Below, the video of Mayer's analysis of all sports occurrences: "Aaaaand, that happened!"