Respectable publication Maxim has a list of the ten sexiest vegetarians, with predictable picks like Joss Stone, Pamela Anderson, and Natalie Portman. Missing from the list: famous vegetarian George Bernard Shaw. Who could be sexier than George Bernard Shaw? [Maxim]

Last week, Salon's Rebecca Traister worried that "The Golden Age of Celebrity Gossip" was "grinding to an end" because of "evil geniuses" like Us Weekly editor-in-chief Janice Min. Min did, after all, put The Hills star Lauren Conrad on the cover of her mag. But the Little Girls of America have a message for the Min doubters: "J-Min is right, and you are old, so shut your old face before I shut it for you." I just went to the corner newsstand to buy cigarettes and while I was waiting forever for this one Nigerian dude to buy a stack of phone cards, two Russian girls who looked to be about eight or nine years old showed up.

A morning show (or perhaps The Morning Show) is looking for someone whose sexual dysfunction originated from childhood spanking. Cheaper than therapy, more hurtful than an anonymous letter about a secret affair, telling the nation about your sex issues is the chance you've been waiting for to get back at your parents. [Craigslist]

Dear Internet: If you really wanted to see photos of screenwriter Diablo Cody's nipples, you could've just read her old City Pages blog, where all of them came from. Honestly, people. [Defamer] (Clarification: we're bitching about EGOTASTIC, to whom we did not wish to deliver more traffic, not our friends at Defamer. Also the internet as a whole.)

Why else would he do a publicity campaign with the voting already done? But Clooney is smooth, so very smooth: he goes to dinner at Time writer Joel Stein's house and actually starts doing home repairs on the guy's house after a couple bottles of wine. He's also got the fame game completely figured out, hates Bill O'Reilly, and he knows that all the work he does in Darfur isn't really helping.

Splash News asks: "Looking For The Next Britney, Paris, And Lindsay?" They seem to think that the new all of those miserable trainwrecks is this one little blond girl by the name of Leven Rambin. She's on All My Children, she goes to funky places like "The Lower East Side," and she also slept with noted Internet Famous Person Jakob Lodwick. All at the tender age of not-yet-legal! Jesus. Well, good on Splash for warning her. Soon they shall stalk young Rambin across the vast and dangerous island of celebrity before setting her before us on the great buffet table of fame and demanding we feast. BONUS: After the jump, find out how to buy what she wore to The Box! [Splash]

Australian-American screen actor Heath Ledger is dead. Ledger was an Oscar-nominated leading man with an admirable career both artistically and at the box office—he may currently be seen in 2007's art-house sleeper I'm Not There and he'll soon be opening across the nation as the iconic Joker, the lead villain in next chapter in the Batman film franchise. He died in Manhattan. He was 28.

Britney Spears dumped her paparazzi boyfriend, possibly destroying Finalpixx's business model. She's taken up instead with the entirety of rival agency X17. Spears' manager, enabler, adviser, and occasional romantic partner Sam Lufti engineered the breakup, the restraining order, and the obligatory meeting and all-night drinking session with an X17 photog. Then Spears bought the Amy Winehouse album. In the attached clip, Spears announces the official end of America's newest, briefest Camelot. [DailyMail]

As a commenter here once pointed out, Star magazine TV pundit Julia Allison has learned the hard way that there's always someone younger and hotter. Apparently, there's always someone more famous, too. Fameball ex-boyfriend and "celebrity" geek Jakob Lodwick has announced plans to befriend young Hollywood, starting with Scarlett Johansson. Better a stepping stone than not a stone at all, Jules.

"I believe I am an early-stage Fameball, and nothing I do or say will change my trajectory. I will attempt to use this to my advantage," Vimeo founder and Star Editor At Large Julia Allison doinker Jakob Lodwick has been quoted as saying. Upon hearing Jakob's self-analysis, our first response was: "we want to quit our jobs." After all, writing about how obnoxious it is that Jakob has declared the process of his fame-accumulation unavoidable is, inescapably, part of the problem. After all, Jakob defines the fameball phenomenon as "individuals whose fame snowballs because journalists cover what they think other people want them to cover." But all that doesn't necessarily mean that Jakob is right.

"I need help not blowing this exciting opportunity, please. i do not know how to amass the team of people I need to make the most of my fame potential. An upcoming event in my life is going to be splashed across the news nation and perhaps world wide.... I want a publicist and a manager who specializes in making a somebody out of nobody with something to offer—in terms of personal branding, think Lauren Conrad from 'The Hills' meets Ann Coulter meets Suze Orman." [Ask Mefi]