• Jessica Simpson and Gerard Butler went to Soho House on a date on Tuesday night. Then again, the duo had to be "chaperoned" by friends including Simpson's BFF/hair stylist Ken Paves, which hardly sounds very romantic, does it? [P6]
• It may be over for the most famous lesbian couple in America, Rosie O'Donnell and Kelli Carpenter. Rosie acknowledges the two are having "issues" and says they're trying to work things out. But Carpenter may have already moved out of the home they share in Nyack, which probably isn't a good sign. [People]
• Jill Zarin has no manners. When the "Real Housewife" appeared at the opening of "Memphis" on Broadway the other night, she arrived 30 minutes late and with an entourage in tow and disrupted audience members when they moved into their seats. Then she blabbed for 15 minutes during the show. [P6]

• Lindsay Lohan could use a little good news today, especially since she's still dealing with the aftermath of her disastrous outing at Paris Fashion Week. Today is not going to be that day, unfortunately. Lohan is set to appear in court in LA a little later to answer questions about whether or not she's violated the terms of the probation she was given after she was busted for DUI a couple of years ago. Let's hope her powers of persuasion are in full effect. The judge could potentially sentence her to jail time, which would not only suck for LiLo, but would also leave Emmanuel Ungaro directionless, clearly. [TMZ, E!]
• Are John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston back together? Is she simply powerless to resist his advances? And have they spent the last few weeks meeting up for secret, romantic escapades around town? For the sake of Aniston's long-term mental health, let's hope none of those things are true. [Us, People]
• Go set your DVR. Tyra Banks plans to air the "first-ever televised colonic" on her show today. Just don't watch it while you're eating. [Dlisted, Tyra Show]

• After another wild day in court, Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook settled their latest round of legal issues yesterday. But not before Brinkley called her ex an "extreme narcissist," and Cook returned the favor by telling reporters she was an "angry, bitter, vindictive woman." At least it's nice to know they still have feelings for each other, though! [NYP, NYDN]
• As easy as it is to picture Courtney Love sitting in front of her computer punching numbers into an Excel spreadsheet, it turns out she may not be the best financial planner in the world. Love owes $300K in back taxes, according to the government. [TMZ]
• Michael Lohan says he knows who Lindsay's drug dealer is and he plans to reveal all in an effort to "save" his daughter. So who is he? "He has no job. He does nothing. All he does is supply everyone in LA." Call us crazy, but supplying "everyone" in LA sounds like a pretty good job to us. [Radar, NYDN]
• Get ready to see a lot more of Megan Fox dressed in, well, not much: Giorgio Armani has tapped her to star in his new underwear ad campaign. [WWD]

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds are struggling, men are turning against Megan Fox, Bar Refaeli is boning a "Brazilian playboy" named Ricardo, Kid Rock hates Twitter, Marilyn Manson issues threats and Kate Beckinsale parties with Eva Longoria and Victoria Beckham.

Eva Longoria is delightfully kinky, Leo DiCaprio is cruising for new tail, Lily Allen proclaims her desire to bone a rocker, Victoria Beckham is taking acting classes, Emma Watson and Robert Pattinson are "just friends," and Demi hits the beach.

• Are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie moving to NYC and into a giant apartment at the Apthorp? That's the rumor! [NYDN]
• The good news/bad news for Madonna: She's getting along much better with her ex, Guy Ritchie, which is a good thing. Unfortunately, the reconciliation isn't making Madonna's boyfriend, Jesus Luz, very happy. [DM]
• After six months in St. Lucia, Amy Winehouse is lonely, homesick, and deeply unpopular with the locals. So now she may return to the U.K. where she's totally adored, naturally, [DE]
• Boys will be boys: Leonardo DiCaprio looked like he was "on the prowl" in NYC last week. And Jeremy Piven looked like he was "ogling" Hayden Panettiere the other night. [P6, P6]

Rachel Bilson leaving her hotel on the Lower East Side ... Eva Longoria and Tony Parker shopping downtown ... Matthew Broderick walking son James to school in the rain ... Taylor Momsen talking on her cell phone ... Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady leaving a doctor's office on Park Avenue ... Kate Bosworth and James Rousseau walking in Soho ... Jessica Alba heading into BLT Prime on East 22nd Street ... Donatella Versace leaving an art gallery in Chelsea ... RuPaul walking under an umbrella in the West Village ... Rachel Zoe heading inside the Carlyle Hotel ... Jennifer Aniston leaving dinner at the Waverly Inn ... and Blake Lively and Penn Badgley heading inside the Costume Institute afterparty at Monkey Bar.

Jamie Dimon (left) is the CEO of JPMorgan. Byrdie Bell (right) goes to a lot of parties. What do the two have in common? Absolutely nothing, except they're both celebrating birthdays today: Dimon is 53; Bell is turning 24. William H. Macy turns 59 today. Kathy Hilton, the woman who brought Paris Hilton into this world, is 50. Emile Hirsch is 24. Mets pitcher Johan Santana is turning 30. Political commentator Charles Krauthammer is 59. Mediabistro founder Laurel Touby is turning 46. Common is 37. Danny Masterson is 33. Dana Delany is 53. And Neil Sedaka is turning 70. Weekend birthdays after the jump!

• Why do people like to watch models falling down? "Is it because us mere mortals love to take pleasure in seeing the beautiful go down? Is it fashion show turned fashion spectacle? Is it the same logic as watching a car crash?" Yes, yes, and yes. [Pipeline]
• Editors who turned up to Gareth Pugh's show in Paris were shown an 8-minute video instead of a runway show. The same one that appeared online. Surprise! [Fashionologie, Fashionista]
• Meet Ruth, Marc Jacobs's secret weapon on Bleecker Street. [Racked]
• Kenneth Cole cut 10 percent of his workforce last week. [Reuters]
• PETA's new anti-fur campaign features strippers. Classy. [Gawker]
• Lou Doillon is opening a concept store in Paris later this year. [Fashionista]
• Rebecca Taylor is introducing a line of shoes and jewelry. [FWD]
• Badgley Mischka's new ad campaign was shot by Annie Leibovitz and features Eva Longoria, Brooke Shields, Lauren Hutton and Anjelica Huston. [SW]
• What you can expect to see when Topshop finally opens on April 2. [NYM]

• Bruce Wasserstein tied the knot with a "much younger Asian woman" two weekends ago, although details about the billionaire's new bride remain scarce. [P6]
• Alex Rodriguez is jealous and embarrassed that Madonna has been spending so much time with 22-year-old model Jesus Luz, since it makes him look like he got "dumped for a younger stud." [NYDN]
• The City's Jay Lyon—who was named Brent Tuhton until he changed it—has scored a record contract with Universal. [P6]
• Could Mark Badgley and James Mischka really be breaking up? Who is going to design our Oscar gown? [NYDN]

When producers for the Eva Longoria Parker ghost comedy Over Her Dead Body went looking for a male lead, we're sure that even they expected to settle for a "Paul Rudd type," not Rudd himself. Yet the actor turned up in the movie anyway, a decision that puzzled many after Rudd finally broke through this decade with woolly, improvised performances in Wet Hot American Summer and the bulk of Judd Apatow's cinematic oeuvre. Now, while speaking to AICN's Capone on the promo tour for his new film Role Models, Rudd admits that he'd rather leave Body off his body of work:

♦ The election, the economy, and Madonna and Guy all faded into insignificance last night when MTV aired the first clip of The City, and we saw our girl Whitney stepping inside Diane von Furstenberg HQ and getting ambivalently eyeballed by Olivia Palermo (who seems to have a weirdly strong screen presence). [NYO, NYP]
♦ The sixth season of Project Runway has wrapped: Rebecca Romijn, Eva Longoria and Lindsay Lohan reportedly make guest judge appearances, although regular judges Nina Garcia and Michael Kors earn less airtime than before. Yet due to legal issues we can't wrap our mind around much less summarize, no one knows when or where the show will air. [WWD]

Click to viewBoomp3.com Before proceeding down the red carpet at a charity event, Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria Parker checked in with her closest associates for a bit of last minute advice. While the advice was inaudible to the normal human ear, a body language expert felt that the close associate weren’t dispensing any form of advice, but a quick boost of confidence. The expert said, “The left one said something about being really awesome while the right spoke about how they’re really workin’ it tonight.” [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Bounced from E!, the TV Guide Channel, and even Stylelist.com, times have been tough for red carpet commentators Joan and Melissa Rivers. For this week's Emmy ceremony, the two were reduced to vlogging for MyHollywood.com, though the deal came with one potential upside: their patter was supposed to receive a link from AOL. However, higher-ups at AOL changed their minds when they got a gander at the footage where Rivers calls some of Hollywood's most beloved stars (including Tom Hanks, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Heidi Klum) "Nazis." Said Rivers to Page Six:

Ad agency Crispin Porter + Bogusky made Microsoft's "I'm a PC" ads using Macs, according to a Flickr user who downloaded an image version of the ad from Microsoft's web site and perused its meta data. After Digital Daily posted the news, a Microsoft flack confirmed the news and said: "Agencies and production houses use a wide variety of software and hardware to create, edit and distribute content, including both Macs and PCs." Along with its ad agency, Microsoft's spokespeople in the "I'm a PC" campaign are also proud Apple product owners.Comedian Jerry Seinfeld used to include a Mac on the set of his sitcom and even appeared in an Apple ad once. Deepak Chopra wrote on the Huffington Post about how he prefers the iPod to nuclear weapons. A geek at an airport made a deep connection with Eva Longoria when he spotted her MacBook. Pharrell Williams encases his iPhone in gold. And finally, I heard Trig Palin tried to sell his iPod Shuffle on eBay, but failed and had to sell it off-line for a loss.

With Jerry Seinfeld gone, Microsoft's new ad campaign will become an aggressive response to Apple's Mac vs. PC ads, with actress Eva Longoria, singer Pharrell Williams, author Deepak Chopra and a slew of what the New York Times calls "everyday PC users, from scientists and fashion designers to shark hunters and teachers," proudly proclaiming "I'm a PC." In one ad, a Microsoft engineer who looks like John Hodgman, the actor who plays PC in Apple's commercials, will the commercial: "Hello, I’m a PC, and I’ve been made into a stereotype.”Experts told the New York Times the campaign reminds them of how rental car company Hertz finally responded to Avis's slogan "We’re No. 2. We try harder," with a campaign that declared: “For years, Avis has been telling you Hertz is No. 1. Now we’re going to tell you why.” But for me, it just brings to mind that old clip of an angry Larry Ellison responding to a reporter asks him "what's new about what Microsoft's doing." "What's new is nothing's new," Ellison says.

And that's that. Microsoft says it will begin a "new phase" of its marketing campaign for Vista today—and it doesn't include Jerry Seinfeld who signed on less than a month ago. Eva Longoria and Pharrell Williams will pitch the evil empire instead. [Bloomberg]

• Gordon Ramsay says he's partnering with Victoria Beckham to open a restaurant in LA. Yes, a restaurant. Whether she'll actually taste any of the food served there is anybody's guess. [P6]

Eva Longoria (left) leaving the tents with Robert Verdi ... Simon Doonan showing off his moves in Bryant Park ... Mickey Boardman and Veronica Webb smiling backstage at the Catherine Malandrino show ... Blake Lively looking pretty for the photogs at the Miss Sixty show ... Lindsay Lohan posing with Fern Mallis ... Bijou Phillips smoking with a friend in Bryant Park ... Renee Zellweger posing for photos with Carolina Herrera ... Rachel Hunter relaxing with friends at an after-party at Socialista ... Mary-Kate Olsen walking with her handlers in the rain through Midtown ... model May Andersen wearing a short black dress at the William Rast after-party ... and Mariah Carey going to dinner at Nobu with husband Nick Cannon after performing at the Fashion Rocks event.

• Drama abounded at DKNY's show yesterday: PETA protestors burst onto the runway, shouting and brandishing placards—to the apparent amusement of André Leon Talley—while Petra Nemcova's new bangs rendered her unrecognizable and therefore unmolested by the media. Meanwhile the rather random celebrity trio of Winona Ryder, Christina Ricci, and Nicole Richie were regaled with "combinations of electric blue and black, neon pink and yellow anorak dresses, parachute pants and color-blocked knits" and a finale led by Donna Karan's five-year-old granddaughter Stefania. [The Cut, Fashionologie, NYDN, Telegraph]