Like a pair of fine steeds, two humans of noble lineage and handsome hindquarters have come together for mating and merriment. Prince William is engaged to Kate Middleton! The wedding is expected to be even bigger than Charles and Diana's.

In an Amazing Race first last night, as far as we know, contestant Chad dropped to one knee and proposed to his girlfriend Stephanie. The results were predictable. Ah, to be young and in love.

Two Syrian kids, Khalid and Hala, met on a family trip and "fell in love." Their parents arranged their engagement with the wedding scheduled for 2020. When I was five, I proposed to Velma from Scooby-Doo. Thankfully she said no.

Our two favorite Hollywood attention-seekers—perpetually naked heiress Peaches Geldof and rant-prone torture porn provocateur Eli Roth—went out for dinner last night in London, and Eli posed pointing to Peaches' ring-finger diamond. Don't worry, she's "100% not engaged."

Alas! America's first family Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have called it quits, again, after Johnston told Palin he may have fathered a child with an ex-girlfriend. Is there any hope? Levi's lawyer thinks so!

Butch Patrick, better known as Eddie Munster from The Munsters television show, is 57 years old now and getting married! A longtime fan who began writing him letters in 1964, Donna McCall, is the lucky lady. [Philly.com via]

Meet Ted and Gracie, a couple living in the East Village who are ready to pledge their lives to each other. Unfortunately, the video makes us feel as though we're accomplice to the inevitable murder and dismemberment of Gracie's body.

BIRTHDAYS

Marriages! Good god, they're everywhere! And you know things are getting bad when Jeter's been poisoned with the matrimony bug as well. The New York Post thinks they know what's up. But, come on: is Derek Jeter actually getting married?

Last week at this time, nutty Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson was sitting behind bars, having been arrested for stealing jewelry, clothing, shoes, and underwear from a former model named Jasmine Lennard. (She was also accused of leaving behind a wet towel and used vibrator as her "calling card," but that's another story.)

Ivanka Trump recently had a fairy tale wedding. Now she'll help you have one, too! Ivanka's jewelry company has teamed up with her dad's chain of hotels to offer "The Quintessential New York Proposal." And it's quite a package. Purchase a ring from Ivanka's "Bridal Bar" ("prices starting at $800"!) and you'll receive a complimentary one-night stay at the Trump International Hotel & Tower or, if you prefer, Trump Soho, the as-yet unfinished monstrosity that the Trumps have erected in Soho. But that's not all there is to it:

Congrats to Rush Limbaugh! We hear he's finally set a date get married for a fourth time—appropriately enough, it is the Fourth of July!

Every political reporter in the nation was so consumed by one ridiculous non-story over the holiday weekend that they missed the biggest ridiculous non-story of the month: Chelsea Clinton is engaged!

Remember all those rumors that Chelsea Clinton was going to marry her longtime boyfriend, Marc Mezvinsky, in Martha's Vineyard this past summer? That never happened, of course, but the couple is now officially one step closer to tying the knot. Clinton and Mezvinsky sent out an email on Friday to announce they're engaged. [ABC News]

• Heidi Klum and Seal have a new addition to the family: Lou Sulola, who was born on Friday night and joins siblings Johan, Henry, and Leni. [People]
• Tyra Banks ought to be in a good mood today. Not only has she dropped four dress sizes recently, she's been named the "top-earning primetime TV star" by Forbes thanks to the $30 million she's collected over the past year. [Daily Mail, MSNBC]
• The latest legal tiff between Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook is over: The couple has settled their dispute, which means neither of them will be heading off to jail. [People]
• Was Penelope Cruz sporting a giant sapphire and diamond ring the other night because she really is engaged to Javier Bardem? And did she wear a bulky sweater over her dress because she's pregnant? So many questions, so few answers. Sigh. [P6, NYDN]

• Are Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez engaged? The actress was spotted wearing a big diamond on her ring finger this week, which means "either A-Rod is making it official, or Ms. Hudson made some very careless jewelry choices." [NYDN]
• It's the battle of the Bravo reality TV stars on Twitter: Bethenny Frankel says Rachel Zoe is "self-important." Zoe claims Frankel is "insane" and "desperate for attention." Of course, you may find it hard to take sides here, since both of them seem to be making perfectly valid points about one another. [NYDN, Jezebel]
• Poor Gwyneth Paltrow suffered a little wardrobe malfunction while going through security at the Barcelona airport yesterday. [Sun]

• One of Jay-Z's bodyguards was arrested in Croatia yesterday after he got into a scuffle with a local TV reporter armed with a tripod. Video of the encounter is here. [TMZ]
• Heidi Pratt is scheduled to perform at the Miss Universe Pageant this weekend; not surprisingly, she and husband Spencer Pratt haven't exactly been making things easy for organizers of the event. [P6]
• Is it over between Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper? The two didn't attend the party for Zellweger's new movie together and, well, we all know what that means, don't we? [P6]
• Rudy Giuliani wandered into Blue & Cream in East Hampton the other day because he thought the clothing boutique was an ice cream shop. [P6]

The engagement gifts are rolling in for Observer publisher/real estate heir Jared Kushner and his newly-converted bride-to-be, Ivanka Trump. One of gifts the future Mrs. Kushner has received recently, per Urbanite: a "Swarovski crystal-studded mezuzah with leopard spots." If that's what you were thinking of getting her, too, please cross it off your list. [Urbanite]

Jared Kushner learns quick. And he's going to blend into the Trump family just fine. WWD reports today that the engagement ring he gave Ivanka was from Ivanka's own collection, a 5.22 cushion cut diamond that's "proprietary" to Ivanka Trump Fine Jewelry™. Ivanka will now serve as a living, breathing ad for her engagement ring line (as well as benefit from the press attention that follows). And Jared—hopefully!—managed to knock a few bucks off the price thanks to this most personal connection. Most importantly:

Awww, gross! Heiress and former Apprentice helper Ivanka Trump, 27, has gotten engaged to newspaper-destroying millionaire playboy Jared Kushner, 28. She announced it over Twitter, because that's what people do these days. But what will their parents think??