Jerry Hall, a former famous girlfriend and star of a hilarious reality show, is officially engaged to a slime-covered amphibian 25 years her senior.

This is how a proposal is supposed to go in Southport, N.C.: You head down to that fish bar by the water Saturday night, and take a walk on the dock with your girlfriend. “Hey, is that your mom?” she wonders, “What’s she doing here?” She turns around and you’re already on one knee, deftly whipping out the box containing your future fiancée’s engagement ring. Smooth. Flawless. But that’s not how it went for Matthew Picca, age 25.

Earlier this month, retired private investigator Mary-Kate Olsen was declared the worst Olsen twin of all time by her younger sister Elizabeth. On Friday, Us Weekly reported she is engaged to her boyfriend of "nearly two years," banker Olivier Sarkozy (half-brother of former French president Nicolas).

Damn. Surprising announcement from that guy I always figured you'd meet (somehow) and eventually marry. It seems comedian Seth Meyers is newly engaged. To someone else.

Jamie Lynn Spears is engaged and her big-ass diamond has a little fuzzy on it in this photo. Mind your jewels, Jamie.

Oh hey, here's a picture of Jennifer Aniston rocking a zillion-carat engagement ring that her fiance, Justin Theroux, "gave" her. Though I assume Aniston bought the ring herself six years ago and stashed it in a safety deposit box until the day she finally found a man who could properly pull off being dressed like a 1930s fighter pilot. This is a big rock. A huge rock. A very expensive, obnoxious, stupid fucking rock.

Avril Lavigne is engaged to Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger, who is 10 years older and also terrible.

Like other good former Disney stars before her, Miley Cyrus has gone and gotten herself engaged to second best Hemsworth brother, Liam. After dating for three years (and a few false alarms), reps for the pair confirm that they got engaged on May 31 when Liam lowered himself down on one knee and bestowed upon his 19-year-old child bride a 3.5-carat diamond ring from Neil Lane.

The most famous unwed parents in America may soon wed, The Hollywood Reporter reports. After Angelina Jolie was photographed with a giant diamond on her ring finger, jeweler Robert Procop confirmed that he "did indeed design an engagement ring for Angelina Jolie, designed in collaboration with Brad Pitt." So either they're engaged, or Angie is playing a cruel joke on every tabloid magazine on the planet. [THR]

The perpetually opining eldest Baldwin brother proposed to 28-year-old girlfriend, Hilaria Thomas just before his 54th birthday this weekend. Thomas is the sexxxy Spanish yoga instructor to Baldwin's rich, handsome, celebrity, because sometimes life happens exactly the way you think it will. The couple has yet to set a date but we wish them well.

The long national nightmare of wondering whether or not Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi is, in fact, with child, is finally over: The Jersey Shore star saved the announcement for an Us Weekly cover. She's 15 weeks into her pregnancy, and she's engaged to her boyfriend, Jionni LaValle.

Just like a Us Weekly cover story in super fast motion, Snooki is not only pregnant but she is also engaged. It's all the life milestones at once! Then why is she being so cagey about it?

Retiring Massachusetts Rep. Barney Frank will marry his longtime partner Jim Ready, a handyman from Maine. Congratulations. Ready is known for being occasionally hilarious, like when he called a couple of drunk, harassing ophthalmologists "bitchy" on an airplane.

Singing labradoodle Justin Timberlake has reportedly (but not confirmedly) proposed to on-and-off girlfriend Jessica Biel, who reportedly said "yes."

Apparently David Cross and Amber Tamblyn are together? And have been, since 2009? And plan to stay that way, for the rest of their lives? Life & Style reports that the 47-year-old Arrested Development actor and 28-year-old Traveling Pants enthusiast have been engaged "for weeks." Congratulations to happy stealth couple! [L&S, images via Getty]

Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig tie the knot. Crystal Harris tries to sell her ring. Jennifer Aniston gets a tattoo. Sunday gossip is wearing a slip to a party.

Mazel tov to Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and his longtime girlfriend, med student Priscilla "Cilla" Chan, who are engaged! According to Bill Gates, at least, who seemed to let the news slip during an interview with The Daily Mail:

Singer Shania Twain is engaged to businessman Frédéric Thiébaud (not pictured). They met through their ex-spouses, who left Twain and Thiébaud for each other. So it all worked out! Can't wait to read the Times "Vows" article on this!

[After announcing her engagement to Prince William, Kate Middleton showed off her engagement ring today, which used to belong to William's mother, Princess Diana. We hope it's not haunted. Image via Getty]

Hours after Prince William announced his engagement, England's "heritage souvenir" industry has flown into action. Commemorative royal wedding magazines! Royal wedding t-shirts! Royal wedding thimbles! A guide to the souvenirs already available, plus a few suggestions of our own, below.