Future First Lady and celebrated speaker of dozens of words Melania Trump is a fan of one tweet and only one tweet.

The depressed and faded coal-mining center Buchanan County, Virginia is the county that loves Donald Trump more than any other county in America. Trump has said “we’re going to bring the coal industry back 100%,” which is a lie.

Late Wednesday night, a collective shudder made its way across the nation as Heidi Cruz was forced to recount the very moment she realized that, in marrying Ted Cruz, she had entered a soup-filled living hell. Or as Campbell’s Soup put it in an email to Gawker, “a great idea.”

Like an acoustic guitarist doing shaky Jack Johnson covers at a crowded happy hour, Ted Cruz prattled on about his ideas for America or some bullshit at the back of the room, while attendees at last night’s New York City GOP gala—who can barely hear each other in here, Jesus—just tried to have a good time with their friends.

Tonight, Senator Bernie Sanders and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton participate in the final debate before of the most important primary of all time, on Tuesday. The debate will be broadcast from the crown jewel of New York City: the Brooklyn Navy Yard. Gawker and Jezebel are here, and we’re blogging.

Donald Trump’s children aren’t the only ones who’ll miss the opportunity to vote for the Republican frontrunner on Tuesday: Michael Cohen, his adviser and special counsel, can’t vote either—and not because he forgot to register, but because he’s registered as a Democrat.

“Fuck Verizon!”

Thanks to CNN’s town hall, America just got another glimpse into the waking hell that is Heidi Cruz’s daily life. Tonight’s entry into the Heidi Cruz catalogue of the macabre: A newlywed Ted Cruz celebrates by buying 100 cans of Campbell’s Chunky soup.

This is a good tweet by Ted Cruz’s shady-ass college roommate, but it does have a notable drawback.

The New York Observer, which was once a good newspaper, is endorsing the owner’s wife’s dad for president.

The Missouri primary, which took place on March 15, concluded with the races on both sides too close to call. Then we all forgot about the Missouri primary. But today, Secretary of State Jason Kander announced the winners: Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump.

Tonight in Albany, Donald Trump ended an hour-and-a-half long rant with one of his most unintelligible, yell-y diatribes yet. It was, in a certain light, beautiful.

Coming off her husband’s hard to watch exchange with Black Lives Matters protestors last week, you’d think Hillary Clinton would be extra sensitive to anything that could even potentially paint her as racist right now. Which makes her and Bill de Blasio’s ill-advised joke about “C.P. time” or “colored people time” at a dinner this week all the more bizarre.

Ben Carson’s tepid endorsement of Donald Trump is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Each time he appears on Trump’s behalf to argue the case for a Trump presidency, he drives the point home a little further—not even Trump’s official supporters can muster real enthusiasm for an orange, white and blue America.

To Senator Ted Cruz, Governor John Kasich, and businessman Donald Trump: Gawker is proud to invite you to its 2016 GOP Presidential Town Hall: Your Vape, Your Voice.

Hillary Clinton already knows the truth is out there. But now, Clinton campaign chair John Podesta confirmed that Hillary wants to get that truth out to the people, too. Does this mean that aliens are real and Hillary knows it? Almost certainly, yes.

At the invitation of none other than Cool Pope Francis himself, Bernie Sanders will be taking a trip to the to speak at the Vatican just four days before the New York primary.

Hillary Clinton took the New York City subway this morning, to show that she is a woman of the people. She swiped her MetroCard once, and the turnstile didn’t turn. She swiped it again—nothing. A third time—no dice. The debacle leaves one question in the minds of New Yorkers across the five boroughs.

Voter identification laws are commonly understood to be just one of the more common methods by which Republican lawmakers across the country attempt to suppress voter turnout. Rarely do said lawmakers openly admit that such policies are merely tools to swing elections, but I guess Rep. Glenn Grothman, a Republican from Wisconsin, was riding a liiiiiiiittle too high after Ted Cruz’s win over Donald Trump in the state’s primary last night.

We know that Donald Trump voters don’t care about this stuff, but we feel compelled to briefly point out the fact that Donald Trump’s big debt reduction plan for our country is complete fiction that will not come true and also he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.