Bill Clinton, who continues to be allowed to wander onto stages and address thousands of people as if entirely by accident, found a new group of people to yell at yesterday. Bill’s latest bad stump speech topic: Millennials! They’re ruining everything. Now please vote for my wife.

A top official with the New York City Board of Elections will lose her job over the widespread problems with voter rolls in Brooklyn polling places during Tuesday’s presidential primary, according to anonymous sources who spoke with the New York Daily News.

Ted Cruz—a man whose* idea of comedy is literally doing terrible Simpsons impressions—released an allegedly humorous new anti-Trump ad on Thursday starring, of course, Hillary Clinton.

According to The Baltimore Sun, the 19-year-old hand stuff solicitor described Trump as “hardworking.”

Poor, sweet, sagging Ted Cruz. The man who can barely get members of his own party to listen to him when he speaks in New York got thoroughly trounced by Donald Trump and John Kasich on Tuesday. Cruz’s showing was so bad in one part of Brooklyn that he only netted one single vote. Oh, wait—hold on just a second—it looks like Cruz actually won that precinct.

Let’s run down the list of good things about working for the presidential campaign of current Republican frontrunner Donald Trump:

After wins for Hillary and Trump in yesterday’s primary and a number of complaints from voters, including Martha Stewart, New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman has announced that his office is conducting an investigation into the New York City Board of Elections.

In Politico’s morning recap of yesterday’s New York primary, in which Hillary Clinton trounced Bernie Sanders, reporter Glenn Thrush recounts a conversation he had with a “senior Clinton aide” last night (bolding ours):

It’s been a rough night for Ted Cruz. Across the state of New York, he’s almost guaranteed to come in last place of the three remaining candidates. And in at least one district in Westchester, Ted Cruz coming in last of the remaining candidates and someone who isn’t even running anymore.

An ecstatic Hillary Clinton took to the stage tonight after scoring a major victory in her home state. And judging by her victory speech, the former Secretary of State finally feels comfortable publicly declaring that her nomination is as good as cinched.

Along with his usual pledges to humiliate his opponents and (once again) make America great, GOP frontrunner and tough eighth grader Donald Trump used his victory speech in New York tonight to announce something new: a Global War on Getting Messed With.

After nearly a month of losses, Hillary Clinton can finally claim another victory, this time in her home state of New York.

Upon the closing of polls in New York tonight, Donald Trump was declared the victor in the state’s primary by several news outlets including the AP and NBC.

Closed polling stations, malfunctioning ballot scanners, the mysterious disappearance of some 50,000 registered Democrats: These are just some of the “irregularities” reported by New York City residents trying to vote today.

After reading a few reports of weirdness at the polls on social media this morning, I did a quick check of the New York State database of registered voters. I registered as a Democrat when I got my driver license renewed in November, so I was sure my name would appear, but I just wanted to make sure. It didn’t appear.

For the first time in the modern primary era, the New York presidential primary election, happening today, is actually important in the races for both the Republican and Democratic nominations. For the conscientious citizen, this is lousy news. You can no longer engage in the beloved New York tradition of just writing in Howard Stern, confident that your vote wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

When he’s flanked by a man who kisses his pocket constitution after bedtime soup every night and a racist talking steak, John Kasich enjoys the appearance of being the normal guy of this year’s Republican primary race. As Kasich tells reporters in the video above, he is the candidate “who can actually win in the fall.”