JCPenney may have recently yanked a T-shirt from their shelves bearing the slogan, "I'm too pretty to do homework so my brother has to do it for me" — but thanks to Forever 21, girls still have bold, anti-learning fashion options in time for the new school year!

In Portland, Oregon, one parent's bright idea and several years of planning and government grants had made the REAL Prep Charter Academy—a high school with a recording and arts program based in hip hop culture—a near reality. Do not insert easy joke here! The idea seems good. The execution was... embarrassing.

It's a day of the year, which means it's time for an online media outlet to produce a listicle of colleges, ranked upon some wacky basis! The Daily Beast tries to cover every conceivable college listicle angle today—but they stop after ranking only the categories of Best International Schools, Best Party Schools, Most Beautiful, Happiest, Brainiacs, Activists, Best Food, Future CEOs, Artistic, Least Rigorous, Cheapest, Return on Investment, Most Rigorous, Free-Spirited, Horniest, Gay-Friendly, Best Weather, Computer Geeks, Accessible Professors, Future Politicians, Greenest, and Foreign Students.

It turns out that the Obama administration was quite concerned about Matt Damon's very YouTube-able appearance at the Save Our Schools rally in Washington a few weeks ago.

Looks like our little Dakota Fanning is making good on her plans to attend New York University, almost mater of the Olsens and James Franco's West Village sleep-n-study center. Good for her!

Americans are smartening up and staying the hell away from school. We recently came to our senses and started avoiding law school. And now, we're avoiding fake colleges, as well. We'll make something of ourselves yet, fellow Americans!

You'd think that with all their Googling to find the Spark Notes of the novels they didn't read, today's students would understand how the search engine works. Wrong: They are completely clueless!

A survey by British principals found teachers fear Facebook more than they fear official schools inspectors, with 20 percent having received online abuse or threats. It's just the latest evidence that people turn into Facebook maniacs when school is involved.

Just in time for sexting's auspicious debut in the dictionary, comes a perfectly salacious item that will give your mother a reason to look it up: Police have busted a "teen sexting ring" (ed. note: LOL), implicating two dozen horny, Vermont high schoolers in an elaborate round of Dick Pic, Dick Pic, Goose.

Jerry Buell, Teacher of the Year at Mount Dora High School north of Orlando, has been suspended pending an investigation into some super-cool comments he made on his Facebook page. The social studies teacher wrote that he "almost threw up" when he heard that same-sex marriage had been legalized in New York. He thinks same-sex marriage is a "cesspool" and a "sin." Rock on, Mister B.! I "like" this! LOL!

Maybe it's because parents aren't getting married these days due to the decay of the moral fiber of our nation and with it any chance we had for keeping ourselves on the side of righteousness and god's glory, but man: parents these days sure are dumb. About everything, sure, but specifically about their stupid kids' stupid schools:

A reporter from libertarian rag Reason interviewed notorious Massachusetts liberal actor Matt Damon at this year's Save Our Schools March and she tried to throw some business at him about teacher tenure and Ayn Randy incentive stuff and he wasn't having it.

Last week, immigration officials raided the University of Northern Virginia, a for-profit college that was recently the subject of a report on student visa scams. Is there anything that could possibly make this boring story about immigration loopholes and higher education interesting?

When the 200-student Bronx primary school Our Lady of Mount Carmel needed a new principal, its pastor, Rev. Eric Rapaglia, knew exactly who to hire: White supremacist author Frank Borzellieri.

The July/August issue of Yale's alumni magazine had an alumni note—one of those little message-board-style missives that lets all your classmates know what you've been up to—that caught Ben Smith's eye. It's from Sam Taylor, class of '73:

Last week, California Gov. Jerry Brown signed into law a bill requiring public schools to include contributions from gay people in its history textbooks. On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert reviewed the negative reaction of conservatives (and Fox News) to the bill's passing before attempting his own take on the subject with a 60-second gay history crash course. Video of Colbert's segment is above.

If we didn't have statistical research on educational techniques, we'd never make breakthroughs like "Maybe we should stop beating children." And if we didn't have the state of Texas, we'd never have angry internet commenters passionately arguing that their state is about much more than dying while raping elderly women. Put these two dynamics together, and what do you get? A new report on how maybe Texas' "expel everyone" discipline plan should be re-examined.

Even though North Dakota's prone to disastrous floods and blizzards and maybe not even a real state, and even though a college degree is possibly worthless in today's jobless job market, lots of Ameri-teens are going to college in North Dakota anyhow. It's so cheap!

In my day, college grades were evenly distributed on a "curve," which was determined by...well who knows, we were all so blunted back then. The point is, you can now safely accuse kids these days of getting everything for free.

In our crazy mixed-up classist system in which poor kids can't even afford homework while rich kids spend endlessly on fancy tutors and private schools only to end up dumb, isn't it time we just gave up?