What's new "on campus" these days? Guns! Guns, guns, guns. The college experience is no longer considered complete without a firearm to accompany you all over campus. Don't be a victim—of enemies of the Second Amendment!
A teacher and two teacher's aides at a Texas elementary school disciplined their special-needs fifth-graders by soaking some cotton balls in vinegar and shoving them into the kids' mouths. Some of the kids couldn't talk. If they can't talk, they can't complain.
California public school teacher Steve Cuckovich pissed off religiously minded parents—and Jesus—when he reduced the test score of a student who said "bless you" to a sneezy girl-classmate. Saying "bless you" is disruptive, Cuckovich says. But so is sneezing, so hopefully he lowered the girl's test score as well.
America's public schools are mini Egypts, with their internet heavily censored by repressive dictators (The Administration.) But students and teachers have had enough! Give them Facebook or give them death!
Here's a promotional video for Delphian School, an expensive ($42,000 a year!) prep school located in rural Oregon. One thing they fail to mention: "A good majority" of its staff consists of Scientologists, and "the structure of the school, its ethical code and its language all reflect the influence and precepts of Scientology."
Riverdale, the first NYC private school to charge more than $40K per year, has a bit of a PR problem. For one, they charge more than $40K per year. That's enough to make even rich people say "Dayum!" And on top of that, all the parents think they have to hire preposterously expensive "tutors" to help their kids pass. So... why are they paying Riverdale all that money, again?
Half a century ago, heroes like Martin Luther X and Rose Park risked their lives by marching on top of lunch counters so that kids of all races would one day have the right to catch a few "Z's" in class while the teacher showed a filmstrip of the "I Have a Dream" speech. And how do kids these days repay those civil rights heroes? By not knowing a damn thing about them.
The frenzy surrounding college admissions has reached fraudulent levels. A college kid has been arrested for allegedly helping at least six students at a Long Island high school cheat on their SATs.
A concerned dad in Georgia was alarmed to discover that one of his seventh-grade daughter's recent homework assignments featured a letter, written from the perspective of a fictitious Saudi woman named Ahlima, that praised Sharia law and the comfort of black robes. The homework promoted Islam, the dad concluded.
A new survey reveals that U.S. colleges increasingly favor rich students who can pay their way without financial assistance even if they're dumber than poorer kids (unlikely). For you poor kids out there, this is good news: You can stop studying now. It doesn't matter anymore.
During a school picnic, an assistant principal who apparently had never been to a park before spotted an empty liquor bottle lying on the ground and immediately knew, just knew, that this one eighth grader with no history of drinking whatsoever had left it there. Nobody drinks in the woods.
Fourteen-year-old Brian Thompson was handcuffed, placed in a cop car, and suspended from school for 10 days, all because he ran down the sidelines at half-time during a football game while wearing a banana costume. At least he wasn't arrested!
Are you "rational" when it comes to thinking about college? Hey, get real, jerk. Of course not. Whether you're a parent or a college-bound student, your brain is little more than a mishmash of various glossy college brochure stock photos and loan rate percentages that you can't even calculate. I hope you're not a math major, you irrational fool.
Yesterday, we brought you the story of Sarah Grunfeld, the 22 year-old student at York University who ran out and publicly accused her (Jewish) sociology professor of anti-Semitism when he said the phrase "Jews should be sterilized"—as an example of a bad opinion. Grunfeld's reasoning: "The words, ‘Jews should be sterilized' still came out of his mouth, so regardless of the context I still think that's pretty serious."
The use of standardized test scores as a proxy for actual intelligence is a lazy, misguided, classist and culturally discriminatory tactic that makes the jobs of policymakers easier at the expense of the future of our children. That said, kids these days are more jaw-droppingly stupid than ever before. We're getting it from all sides.
Kids these days should be thankful to even get accepted into a community college, what with the parents of kids these days having so little money to donate to the endowments of Ivy League universities. Unfortunately for kids these days, community colleges these days are way more crappy than expensive colleges these days. Sucks to be poor these days!
Historians tell us that the United States of America once boasted a fabled "middle" class of residents. They were not too poor; they were not too rich; they were just right. Crazy—but allegedly true.
