An investigation has confirmed that 44 Atlanta schools and 178 teachers are guilty of a vast cheating conspiracy that dramatically increased state test scores. Former superintendent Beverly Hall (pictured) "punished whistle-blowers, hid or manipulated information and altered documents."

The California Assembly has passed a bill that would require textbooks and history classes in schools to "include the contributions of gays, lesbians and transgender Americans." According to the bill's supporters, such a requirement would reduce the instance of anti-gay bullying, as well as paint a more accurate picture of American history; according to the bill's opponents, this bill will literally force every child to be homosexual forever, risking their places in heaven. The bill now goes to Gov. Jerry Brown's desk for either a signature or veto; Brown "has taken no public position." [LAT, image via AP]

The US Department of Education has a handy new website that allows you to easily compare the prices of all types of colleges in America. Its real purpose is to keep us up-to-date on who to make fun of.

A public preschool in a liberal part of Stockholm has created an environment where gendered pronouns are not used, the children are referred to as "friends" instead of "boys and girls," and toys are deliberately gender neutral. Sounds crazy!

Homework is only the worst idea ever. Who was the first jerk who was like, "Hey, got a great idea here, after we made you sit in school all day let's send more school work home with you, so as to infest your every waking hour with dread and help you develop a lifelong loathing of formal education?" I mean come on. Kids hate doing homework. Teachers hate grading homework. Now, students in LA are more or less free to never do homework again.

All that wailing against law schools by unemployed law school grads is finally paying off: law schools—like the wicked witch that is an imperfect but not altogether inappropriate metaphor for them—are melting, melting before your schadenfreude-laden eyes!

Today we heard the news that private schools are getting even more expensive, thus closing their gates to ever more poor, downtrodden upper-middle-classers. But you know what? Who cares! Private school is for jerks. So says one commenter, anyway.

New York City private schools: is there any news about them that is not horrible? No. All news about NYC private schools is horrible, because NYC private schools are run by and cater to horrible people, exclusively.

Schools these days: what are they even doing? It used to be that the American school system was little more than a warehouse where we shoved our youngest and therefore most criminal citizens until they reached the age of 18, at which time we sent the cockiest of them off to college to be enslaved by debt for the rest of their lives, and sent the rest off to menial jobs, where they'd keep our capitalist system running with their very souls for very little reward, and be tricked into voting Republican, while doing so.

Tanya McDowell, the homeless Connecticut woman who was charged with larceny for heinously enrolling her son in an elementary school in a town where she doesn't live, now has a new pile of legal woes. She was arrested last Friday for allegedly selling crack and weed to undercover cops on three separate occasions, as well as offering them prostitutes. One of the alleged transactions occurred during her son's birthday party.

When we see stories like the one about a law school graduate plagiarizing his graduation speech, we ask ourselves, "What is it with kids today and their poor plagiarism skills?" The answer: their stupid teachers also have poor plagiarism skills.

Are you a college student who frequently detects political bias of one sort or another in your professors? Chances are, you're dumb.

In the olden days, your parents used to smoke weed that was not chemically distinguishable from banana peels, which gave them a "hippy dippy" feeling, the most dangerous side effect of which was an affinity for neo-folk tunes. Today, you kids smoke chronic and shoot each other, or at least make up "freestyle raps" about same.

Riverdale, a private school that costs $38,000 per year, is completely incompetent. I draw this conclusion from the fact that I learned that Riverdale "discourages both tutoring and talking to reporters" from a New York Times story focused on the prevalence of tutors among students at schools like Riverdale.

"Cymotrichous" is defined as "having wavy hair." But for 14-year-old Sukanya Roy—the winner of this year's Scripps National Spelling Bee, which just wrapped up outside Washington, DC—it means $25,000 cash, a $5,000 scholarship, a $2,500 bond, a Barnes & Noble Nook, and the title of the best middle school speller in the country. Video of Sukanya's triumphant moment is above.

Does your child attend a "public" high school? You're so old. Also, broke, due to the fact that America's public schools these days charge lots of money. Is this a new thing?

Krittika Biswas is a high school senior in Queens and the daughter of the vice consul of the Indian Consulate in New York. Earlier this year, she was perp-walked out of school, arrested, held for a day in central booking, and spent a month at a school "suspension center," all for allegedly sending email threats "with references to rape and prostitution" to two of her teachers. Except she didn't.

Kids these days: they don't know how to do school right. They spend two god damn years working on their college admission essays! Then they take some stupid major that will never get them a job! Then they all take five years to finish their four-year degrees! Then they graduate and they're too lazy to work! Not that there are any jobs for them, anyhow. Still, they're way too optimistic about their chances. I knew we should have punished the parents for their kids being so stupid when we had the chance!

The battle over federally subsidized loans for for-profit colleges is one of the biggest in Washington these days, as the Education Department is finalizing its rules to crack down on this shady industry which some might suggest only exists to take money from poor people. But still, how is one supposed to resist the industry's recruiting ads showing sexy coeds in their pajamas?

You know who thinks college is a good deal? College presidents! You know who doesn't? Everyone else. Those are the (highly simplified and somewhat misleading) findings of the latest alarming survey about college—America's best new bubble!