Used to be that community college was only for regular folks. The rich folks sent their kids to regular four-year colleges, unless their kids were major fuck-ups. You know who I'm talking about. But ever since the economy crashed and community colleges became competitive and the traditional middle class of colleges died off, even regular rich kids are showing up in community colleges. And, outrageously, they expect their school not to suck.

There was a brief period in the history of human development in which it was imagined that making children "feel good" about themselves would have a positive effect on children's ability to learn facts and adapt to social norms. This period is now over, and good riddance. Let's tell these fucking kids just how wrong they are about things.

While we admire the clear desire for efficient pedagogy displayed by teachers at Beaver Ridge Elementary in Norcross, Ga., we can't help but feel that there is probably a better history lesson to include in math problems than "slavery," or maybe a better way to teach students about slavery than by providing them with questions like "Each tree had 56 oranges. If eight slaves pick them equally, then how much would each slave pick?" (For the record: seven.)

As a close follower of the position papers of Republican presidential candidates, I've long been under the impression that teachers in America are a bunch of shady unionized borderline thugs, like the Teamsters with frumpier clothing. But according to a new study, a few good apples out there in our crumbling schools are actually getting something accomplished, while robbing the taxpayers blind. Who knew? The NYT reports:

Men do recessions like, "Aww shit, it's a recession up in here, nothing but crappy jobs out there, guess I'll just keep working this crappy job I have, nothing else to do, stone cold watching some football and drinking brews with the fellas, because my life is a beer commercial." But women do recessions like, "Considering these dead end prospects in the current job market, I shall instead return to school to further my education and enhance my employment prospects for the future." Ladies are crazy!

Dunno, maybe it was just me, but did you guys notice something a little... I don't know... off, about Sequoia Middle School's latest newsletter?

The Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity at the University of Vermont (slogan: "Building Balanced Men") is suspended and under investigation by campus police, because they allegedly circulated a quiz among their members that included the following question:

In my day, when Kurt Cobain was president and we youngsters went to college to get jobs that actually existed, the only questions colleges asked you on their applications were these: "Have you ever been convicted of a felony?" And "Are you smart? Describe below." Life was simple then.

The above video depicts a female student having a meltdown in the library at Cal State Northridge on Tuesday. Despite several reports to the contrary, the video was recorded and first posted to Facebook by a CSUN student named Ashley Monroe, who claimed in comments below it that the altercation began after the girl demanded others in the library "not breathe loud[ly]."

In the next decade, President Obama wants to raise America's college graduation rate to 60%. Currently, just over 40% of Americans aged 25-34 have college degrees. That means a lot of new college students will have to be added to the system, and soon. In fact, there is no hope of this being achieved.

[Updated.] Yesterday, we brought you an email sent out at 4 a.m. by a frantic Chet Haze — multi-hyphenate hip-hop impresario/Northwestern junior theater major/Rita Wilson's son — to his entire philosophy class, after realizing he was missing a month's worth of class notes for a term paper due THAT DAY. You've undoubtedly been able to to think of nothing else since.

Boys, or girls: which do you think is better at going to college? If you said "boys," fuck off, you stupid idiot, no wonder you never went to college.

Why did high school cop Donnie Riggins show up to work on Halloween 2011 dressed up as a ladyparts doctor—complete with "Gynecologist, Dr. Harry Beaver" name badge, fake teeth, and wig? We can think of four possible reasons:

For students at the College of William & Mary in Virginia, trying to secure a prime study spot in the library during the "reading days" before Finals Week has become as harrowing and dangerous as trying to purchase $2 waffle iron on Black Friday. Trampling! Pepper spray! These are now part of their library experience.

Irina Kristy, an easy-grading college math professor with an impenetrable accent who has taught at Boston University and Suffolk University since 1987, has been arrested for allegedly running a crystal meth lab with Grigory Genkin, her 29-year-old son, out of their home in Somerville, Massachusetts. (This is the part in the post where you point a finger at your screen and shout, "Breaking Bad! Breaking Bad!" even though it bears only a passing resemblance to the AMC series. So please stop.)

Everyone meet Jane Addams High School principal Sharron Smalls—seen here getting down with, and chocolate-sauced by, a topless man who looks less-than-excited to be there. Yesterday students at Addams (it's in NYC) covered their school with copies of the photo in honor of Smalls and her achievements—particularly her use of said pic on her Facebook profile.

If you've ever consulted your own common sense, one of the things it probably told you was, "I bet that shitty schools in poor neighborhoods get less money spent on them, than schools in richer neighborhoods." At long last, the US Education Department has done a real live study on this topic. The shocking results:

A Swedish artist and former erotic TV hostess named Ylva-Maria Thompson is opening the Austrian International School of Sex, where people can finally learn how to do it the right way. "Sexual positions, caressing techniques, anatomical features- these are the AISOS disciplines," says the school's dysfunctional website. "And we teach you hands on."

What is the latest cutting edge trend in the education of our best and brightest children? Blocks. Playing with blocks, made of wood. They wrote a whole damn story about it, in the newspaper there.

Today we learned that our favorite college English lit professor was just in it for the money! Or rather, for the opportunity to research, write and publish. All those college professors never cared about us at all! Oh, the heartbreak. One commenter put his English education to use in a convenient little explanation: