That deafening cheer you heard last night, so loud it blew the Ye Rustic Inn's front door right off its hinges and into an adjacent stripmall's parking lot, had nothing to do with Brett Favre's crushing defeat, but rather a triumph of the highest order involving one of Silver Lake's favorite sons. For Kiefer Sutherland, you see, had emerged from the Glendale City Jail a free man at precisely 12:05 a.m., having served the entirety of his 48-day sentence, where he passed the long hours "cleaning sheets, pillowcases and blankets on laundry duty." John Balian, a jail spokesman always forthcoming with kindly soundbites and incremental Kiefer updates, offered that the 24 star was wearing "a shirt and jeans," and "looked like he was glad to be out." Why was the beloved Christmas tree assassin forced to serve out his entire sentence, where lesser shock-starlets have been released early for far more serious, traffic-flow-flouting crimes? The AP report explains:

An update to the seriously depressing Roger Avary fatal DUI car accident story: Avary's wife Gretchen is now expected to survive. His publicist released this statement: "Roger wishes to publicly convey his heartfelt condolences to the family of the deceased. Words cannot express how sorry he is, and this tragic accident will always haunt him." He faces his arraignment Friday. [AP]

Following in the tragic and treacherous path of Prison Break actor Lane Garrison, currently serving a 40 month sentence for killing a Beverly Hills High School student on a DUI fun run, Roger Avary, the Academy Award-winning writer/director who's worked on Pulp Fiction, The Rules of Attraction, and most recently the Beowulf screenplay, now finds himself in his own living nightmare following a fatal accident early Sunday morning in Ojai. Here's the chain of events, according to the LAT:
· Avary was driving outside Ojai Lumber Co. building at 2:54 a.m Sunday when the accident occured.
· Avary's wife, Gretchen, 40, was ejected from the back seat. She was taken by paramedics to Ojai Valley Community Hospital, with injuries listed as "serious."

Last Celeb DUI of 2007 winner Mischa Barton phoned into omnipresent showbiz presence Ryan Seacrest's radio show On Air this morning, her first public statement on the matter since being picked up by cops in WeHo two days after Christmas for driving under the influence of alcohol and non-medical marijuana.

TMZ's reporting Michelle Rodriguez has been released from Lynwood today, 163 days short of the 180 she was sentenced to. Last we checked, Kief is still in the Glendale City Jail on Day 37 of his 48-day stint. Like the table of Ye Rustic regulars loudly bemoaning his absence over Jager shots last night, we've got to ask: Where is the justice? [TMZ]

We can all breathe a little bit easier now that we know that the "narcotic" found on Mischa Barton during her DUI arrest was, in fact, marijuana. (To be honest, we thought California classifies that stuff as a "holistic food additive.") We also now have access to heartbreaking images of a babushka-wrapped Barton—accidentally, we're sure, evoking Benazir Bhutto—being led away from the the jail where she spent the night to her parents' waiting car. A sobering event for all involved, to be sure. [Page Six]

Celebrity DUI Christmas continues—sort of. Early Tom Cruise screen love interest Rebecca De Mornay, whom we mistakenly thought couldn't so much as get arrested in this town, was charged today for being picked up by police October 30, after the hand that rocked her steering wheel led them to suspect she might be driving under the influence. (She was: She blew a .09.) Her court date is December 31st, "but she does not have to appear." [TMZ]

Pencils down, everyone! We have the Official Mischa Barton 2007 Drugs-And-Alcohol, Not Just Alcohol, DUI Mugshot for you courtesy of TMZ—and it's a doozy. We can practically hear Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek" playing over it. Those of you who guessed half-smile, you win. Those of you who guessed Nick Nolte hair, you win too. And to astute commenter Muzzy Van Hossmere, who went all in with the "'crying from one eye' technique she perfected on The O.C.," well—you've won big, our friend. Your wall-sized, Warholian lithograph of the image, suitable for framing, is in the mail.

We knew the end of the year would net a far bigger DUI fish than Boy Meets World's Topanga, and Swervy Claus has come through once again, crashing his sleigh into the side of Defamer HQ-2 with a newly booked Mischa Barton to put under our twinkling Christmas stump. True to their names, the girls at Hollyscoop were first on the scene:

· As we gaze at the Bassett Hound literally taking a dump in the middle of the three-way intersection outside the window of Defamer HQ-2 (a Christmas miracle!), we think fondly of Defamer videographer Molly, who is away today. We therefore had no choice but to plunder from the tidily wrapped video gifts beneath the tree of our more affluent cousins over at Jezebel. Look, everyone! It's Charo singing "Feliz Nablahblah" on the Pee-wee's Playhouse Christmas Special!
· 'Tis the season to be breathalyzered: In what is unlikely to be the last celeb DUI of the year, Boy Meets World's Topanga was picked up for drunk driving.

True, celebrity mugshots bring us joy all year round, but there's something about the final few of the year, as reassuring as a Happy Everything card dropped in our mailbox from an old friend, that truly touches us in the most tender quadrants of our hearts: a happy reminder that regardless of what strife is thrown at us, life in Hollywood will go on. And so we share with you this booking photo of stalwart recidivist Michelle Rodriguez, who checked herself into former Hilton-rehabilitating facility Lynwood on Sunday for the first of a Kiefer-eclipsing 180-day sentence for failing to perform court-ordered community service and drinkin' on the SCRAM.

As a parked RV full of vigil-standing Defamer commenters idles outside of the Glendale City Jail, Kiefer Sutherland sits in his solitary cell just a few hundred feet away, beginning Day 3 of what will eventually be 48 days in the correctional facility. His only crimes? An illegal U-turn and perhaps loving life too much. Still, a repentant and cooperative actor appears to have accepted his fate, with one jail spokesman going so far as to describe him as a "model prisoner":

While his smirking mugshot, featuring low-grade Noltian hair and a short Van Dyke, isn't likely to send our commenters into a lather the way Shia LaBeouf's did, there's still something unmistakably titillating about Mickey Rourke's DUI booking photo. Perhaps it was the circumstances around the arrest, which could only have been more adorable had the actor been stopped winding through Miami streets early this morning on a miniature clown bicycle:

When Kiefer Sutherland wandered out of his East Side comfort zone—where drunken U-turns aren't just legal, they're encouraged!—and into the glare of a West L.A. cop car's spotlight, few of us immediately realized that the ensuing arrest constituted a probation violation for the beloved, tannenbaum-tackling lush-of-the-people. Now, with the actor facing possible jail time and all the ominous God-finding that implies, we offer a Kiefer post-DUI round-up:

Actor Austin Nichols, who recently rose to prominence playing the titular, gibberish-talking drifter in HBO's recently canceled spiritual surfing allegory (we think?) John From Cincinnati, was stopped early this morning on suspicion of driving under the influence near his family's vacation home in Michigan. From the Jackson Citizen Patriot report: