In your motivated Tuesday media column: Free weed with magazine subscriptions, Incisive Media gets all 'Up With People' and shit, Jason Horowitz gets a new job, and Roger Ebert picks up a chip.

Melanie Griffith's drying out, an Amy Winehouse love letter sparks a lawsuit and Robin Williams may channel Susan Boyle. That — and more — in your Tuesday morning Gossip Roundup. Delicious!

Dr. Susan Essien Etok, a friend who claims Michael Jackson asked her to help him get drugs, wrote to President Obama and urged him to take harsher action against physicians who help celebrities, like Heath Ledger, get drugs. [TMZ]

The British government may soon outlaw "legal" highs, like chemical-laced synthetic "cannabinoids," which mimic the effects of good old fashioned marijuana. Well, doesn't that in and of itself tell you something? Nature beats man. [BBC]

Emma Roberts left her mark on her boyfriend, Amy Winehouse can't kick her ex-husband, Paris Jackson took Las Vegas and Candace Bushnell doesn't like the c-word. Good morning! Here's your Monday Gossip Roundup...

Deal! Warner Chilcott Ltd. will reportedly buy Procter & Gamble's prescription-drug wing for $3.1 billion.

Cocaine's a hell of a drug. It's the only one you blow money on, when it gets bad, blow for, and (funnest of all), blow with money. But can the government track your use on bills? Cops, man, cops! AGH!

Not to totally alarm you but drugs are now legal in Mexico, okay. Here's how much you can carry! For "personal use," Dr. Gonzo:

Scientists who were definitely All Fucked Up have found the long-sought treatment that soothes troubled heroin addicts: Heroin.

The Guardian says the "World's First Cocaine Bar" is a roving lounge in Bolivia where backpackers come and sniff cheap coke till their money runs out. Huh. Here we call that a "coke spot" and in some neighborhoods they're everywhere.

Americans love their cocaine! And apparently these same cocaine-loving Americans' preferred method of snow ingestion is to snort it through rolled up cash bills, as a new analysis of currency in 18 U.S. cities shows.

As if it wasn't bad enough that Bernie Madoff investors were handing over their money to a con artist to manage, it seems they were also putting their trust in a drug-addicted gun freak, too. When Bernie Madoff's right-hand man Frank DiPascali pleaded guilty earlier this week to charges he helped engineer the $65 billion scheme and he agreed to cooperate with prosecutors, the deal also guaranteed DiPascali that the feds wouldn't come after him for the "use of controlled substances prior to 1992" and "for possessing illegal firearms up until last Friday." Between this news and the revelation that Bernie had a 20-year affair that no one knew about, the made-for-TV Madoff movie is getting spicier by the day, isn't it? [NYP, WSJ]

Wallace Souza is a modern-day renaissance man. He is a Brazillian state legislator, a TV crime show host, and a drug trafficking murderer. Hiram Monseratte, step up your game!

It was kind of sad when Michael Douglas' son Cameron was arrested for trying to smuggle a half-pound of crystal meth. So it's an order of magnitude sadder that Cameron's girlfriend got busted smuggling heroin to him in jail.

Possession of a small amount of weed in New York is only punishable by a ticket and a small fine. So why do cops bring so many people to NYC jails for the same violation? They use tricknology.

Hot-tempered, wild-eyed, self-pimp Vincent Gallo will have you know that he does not do cocaine.

Want to know how awesome starlets Lily Allen and Kate Moss stay in shape? This isn't a joke about blowcaine! You can do it, too. Kate and Lily took the most awesome Rock Chick vacay ev-ah and looked awesome. How?

A 47 year-old British drug cop nicknamed "Robocop" died of a heroin overdose. He had ecstasy and cocaine in his system as well. He had no previous offenses on his record and was an otherwise clean police officer. [The Sun]

Michael Douglas' son Cameron—co-star of the unfortunately-named It Runs In The Family—was busted last night in the Gansevoort Hotel for trying to sell a shitload of crystal meth.

A teenager in Kentucky was shot dead by a homeowner when he broke into the guy's house while crazy out of his mind on shrooms. God that's tragic. And on top of everything, he couldn't even get a cool obit: