Dutch cities are trying to crack down on "drug tourism." Russia is banning its own citizens from buying booze. Meanwhile, doctors want to give acid and mushrooms to depressed people. Is everything getting a little too wacky?

Why can't countries just pick one stereotypical attitude towards intoxication and stick with it? The Netherlands allows everything. Russians are all cheap vodka drunks. America is full of Puritanical hypocrites with secret habits. These things are easy to remember.

But now everyone wants to change their minds. The Dutch city of Maastricht is sick of tourists from all over the world going there to sit around smoking weed in the park legally. Besides the increase in associated violent crimes and human trafficking, "They come with their cars and they make a lot of noise and so on," according to the mayor.

In Moscow, a new rule will "prohibit shops from selling vodka and cognac between 10:00pm and 10:00am," potentially forcing Russian alcoholics to wait half an entire day to continue drinking themselves to death at alarming rates after the two-liter of Popov from the day before runs out.

Scientists now want to experiment with giving depressed people "psychedelics such as lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD), ketamine and psilocybin" and then giving them therapy, while high. Yea it works, guys, just ask the people who work the space cadet come-down tents at Phish shows, no doubt.

We issue a blanket rebuke of all free-thinking associated with drugs and alcohol and call for an immediate return to the dysfunctional old ways of doing things, which at least got us where we are today.

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