Brad and Angelina enjoy pool sex, Lady Gaga is a confirmed hermaphrodite, Constantine Maroulis gets beat up over Paula Abdul at Ciprianis, Patrick Swayze is recovering nicely, Britney looks good in a white bikini and Paris and Douglas Reinhardt reunite.

Chris Brown and Rihanna attend Game 4 of the NBA Finals, Paris Hilton has a raunchy rebound hookup with soccer star Ronaldo, Paul Shaffer almost played George Costanza on Seinfeld, Megan Fox has genetically-deformed thumbs and Madonna adopts another African.

Paris Hilton dumps her toolish boyfriend, Shia LaBeouf issues a statement to let everyone know he's not boning his mother, Victoria Beckham's nipples tour London, Jessica Alba is under investigation for vandalism, and Jeremy Piven preaches about mercury poisoning.

Madonna banished the children she has to focus on feeling terrible about the one she can't have. Paris Hilton, meanwhile, now has what she couldn't, so who knows if she'll want it much longer.

Good news to pass along on this Monday morning. We are pleased as punch to announce that Douglas Reinhardt has been added to the Defamer roster, where he will be serving in the role of contributor. Some of you may recognize Douglas' name from his blog, Skeet On Mischa, where he has been keeping tabs on pop culture ephemera since 2004. He will be penning a new short burst feature for us called "A Call To The Bullpen", a feature that will run thrice daily here on Defamer, beginning today. But before we debut the feature, here's a quick bio of Defamer's newest contributer: