Madonna banished the children she has to focus on feeling terrible about the one she can't have. Paris Hilton, meanwhile, now has what she couldn't, so who knows if she'll want it much longer.

  • Paris Hilton claims to be planning to marry Doug Reinhardt, the minor league baseball player. Reinhardt is the professional attention-seeker's third rumored husband, at least, following Benji Madden and Paris Latsis. But this time she's leaking news to the tabloids on the record. Awwww.
  • Madonna is so distraught at not being able to adopt her latest Malawi "orphan" she sent her other children into Guy Ritchie's care for a while. Then she announced she had donated money to help Italian earthquake victims (half a million, reportedly). [Mail]
  • The fake Twitter set up in Le Bernardin chef Eric Ripert's name might look innocuous to your average Joe, but allegations of M&M microwaving are fighting words in a restaurant kitchen. [P6]
  • The kid who played Vincent Crabbe in the Harry Potter movies, now 19, was busted with $3,000 worth of pot growing in his bedroom, "beside the actor's DJ decks and a PlayStation." If sorcery is a gateway to drugs, there are worse, more magical places to end up. [Sun]
  • Oprah Winfrey wants to bring the Olympics to Chicago in 2016. Needless to say she was able to get Barack Obama on board. [Scoop]