NYC supremacy! Teen girl craziness! Vermonster's revenge! Kiddie hypertension! Air bee science! Lying docs! Airline food! It's your somewhat scientific Health Watch, where we watch your health—upon a mountain of iced-cream!

It would be nice to know your chances of getting cancer, diabetes, or heart disease later in life, right? Soon, for around $1,000, you can, with your very own genome test. Sounds like fun!

Have you ever wondered how you wound up naked in the hall closet clutching a pint of Ben & Jerry's? Or how you woke up with the tip of your finger cut off? A few doctors may have answers.

Today we learned that litigious state attorneys general are frivolously suing the gubbmint to keep expenses down. Of course, this sparked yet another health care debate in the comments, and we heard from a civic minded doctor.

The University of Minnesota medical school has solved the problem of the "embarrassment, stereotypes and concern about patriarchy and abuse" that goes along with teaching medical students to do pelvic exams. Whew!

On this morning's The Doctors, a roundtable of real cutups—Sinbad!—and doctors reached into the big ol' bag of cliches and talked about how men are all like this and woman are all like that.

Because the current way to get Botox—exit home, get into vehicle, travel to doctor's office—is way too taxing and time-consuming, Los Angeles is now home to the first-ever "mobile cosmetic care service," in which a doctor comes to you—in a "nondescript SUV"—and is in and out of your place in ten minutes. Something tells us NYC won't be far behind. [Luxist]

You've heard about the proposed "botax," haven't you, the tax some members of Congress would like to impose on cosmetic surgical procedures to pay for a health care bill? Plastic surgeons aren't too happy about it, and one even took to the streets yesterday to make his voice heard.

When you poke your hot gastroenterologist on Facebook and get no response, don't worry: He's trying to be professional. The UK's largest medical professional organization has warned doctors not to respond to "flirtatious approaches" on social-networking sites.

The American Medical Association—the doctor lobby—has fought health care reform tooth and nail throughout its entire existence. Until like last week! Maybe this explains their change of heart: they are all high on mary jane.

Did you know the Department of Health and Human Services is holding a competition to see who can come up with the best public service announcement about swine flu? It is! And a New York doctor has been picked as one of the top 10 finalists. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the lyrical dexterity of Dr. John Clarke, who spends his days working as the medical director of the Long Island Railroad. This guy is going places! [YouTube]

You now have a fabulous new excuse to offer up the next time one of your annoying friends gives you a hard time about all the money you've been spending on Botox injections and facelifts. It isn't because you're vain or anything. It's because you're looking for a cure for your migraines and you just want to God-awful pain to stop. Who could argue with that? [NYT]

Harvard Medical School tried to tell its own students they couldn't speak to the (scary) media without the school's official permission. Shut up, college—literally! Haha. No we did not go to Harvard, why? Luckily!

When Jermaine Jackson made a statement on his brother's death last night, he noted that Michael Jackson's family physician was with him when he collapsed. But who is he? And where's that doctor now? The world is looking for him.

Doctors are lazy and greedy and do not care about you. But Americans do not know this! Because of the TV, they think doctors would come up with a good national health care plan. They would not.

New York's most famous subway dermatologist, Dr. Jonathan Zizmor, took some time to chat with Gothamist today. And he was asked the question that has undoubtedly been on your mind for years now: Why does the photo of him make it seem as if he hasn't aged a day over the past quarter-century? Zizmor says he hasn't updated the photo in 25 years because "it's hard to do transparency, the color always comes out wrong." We have no idea what that means either, but points to Billy Parker for giving it a shot. [Gothamist]

Plastic surgeons have come up with a totally novel plan to keep the industry afloat as interest in pricey procedures wanes thanks to the recession. They're going to start operating on black people! "We know by our statistics that this is a growing group by interest in plastic surgery," explains one doc to the Times. Naturally, you can expect to see a flood of subway ads touting $99.95 Botox injections in the near future. [NYT]

What do Barbara Walters, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Cosby, Anna Wintour, André Leon Talley, Katie Couric, Diane Sawyer, Naomi Campbell, Liam Neeson, Sheila Nevins, Liz Smith and Cindy Adams have in common? They all go to the same podiatric surgeon, Dr. Suzanne Levine, according to the Observer. But you probably guessed that, didn't you? Levine reports she's busy these days getting fashionista feet ready for spring with injections of Botox or Juvederm. (She also has "foot facial" that she offers for $225.) As for which one of her boldfaced patients is pictured above, you can click on the "More" for the answer, if you're interested.

A Manhattan fertility doctor named Joel Batzofin is now offering a "recession special, "test-tube babies at bargain-basement prices," according to the Daily News. Of course, if a couple can't afford a standard course of in vitro fertilization, it's unclear how they'd be able to afford one kid, much less the multiple children that often result from IVF. But it's possible that Batzofin's "recession special" guarantees octoplets, in which case it could just be the perfect cure-all for financial problems, at least if recent history is any guide. [NYDN]

As disappointing as it is when you're lying in a hospital bed, your life hanging in the balance, and the doctor who arrives to treat you barely resembles Noah Wylie or Patrick Dempsey, it's nevertheless a little disconcerting to learn that young doctors are learning how to do their jobs from shows like ER and Gray's Anatomy. Anesthesiologist Elizabeth Sinz, who is director of a "simulation center" where medical students learn how to handle emergency situations, says: "I see students all the time who show up and act like their favorite doctor on TV."