Diet fads! Out of control kids! Food labels for dummies! Independent stomachs! Cancer vs. cancer! Old doctors! Killer pets! And smoke insinuating itself into your breasts! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—scolding, always!

Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, who was shot point-blank in the head six days ago, keeps making ridiculous progress in her recovery. She's still in critical condition, but doctors' expectations keep rising.

Fever benefits! Zicam problems! Chemo hair preservation! Oxytocin limits! Flu vaccines! Obesity costs! Mental illness wackjobs! Fluid colds! And screen hypnosis death! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—as if you have any left!

A new study released in the medical journal Clinical Gastroenterology and Hepatology has some disturbing figures about people who intentionally swallow foreign objects — pens, batteries, knives, razor blades and such — and the health care costs they incur.

Cheap drugs! Running spiritually! Whining patients! Catching lung cancer! Electro-trainers! Peanut allergy babies! Animal diseases! Outliving Brits! And the flu shot conspiracy! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while munching on whatever catches our fancy!

A cosmetic surgeon in Florida (where else?) is now injecting people's blood into their faces to keep them looking beautiful and wrinkle-free. And you can go out during daylight hours too!

Do you need a cyst removed from your testicles? I'd maybe avoid Dr. Sulieman Al Hourani, who mistakenly cut out a patient's testicle "literally as the nurse turned away." He also once injected himself with leftover painkillers. But nobody's perfect!

A new survey finds most people think hand sanitizer works for an hour or more. Actually, it only protects for two minutes. "The best germicidal thing you can do is wash with soap and water," says a doc. [NYDN]

The abortion debate has devolved to the zygote version of a LOLCat. A lady got an ultrasound, and her unborn child looked like it was smiling. Thus, "a baby can experience feelings such as happiness" earlier than previously thought.

If you only read one story about hemorrhoids today, make sure it's this Post gem: A "quick-fingered" proctologist "was done in by 'rhoid rage" after patients complained he was overbilling and spending "no more than 15 minutes" treating their hemorrhoids.

Miami police this week arrested a woman for posing as a doctor and injecting another woman's butt cheeks to make them "look perfect." It didn't turn out so well — the victim passed out from the pain and almost died.

If your eyeball pops out, don't shove it back in, says CNN's popular new article "What to Do When Body Parts Fall Off." It's the Things Fall Apart of health articles. Let's enhance it with a DO and DON'T guide.

Dr. Harriet Hall, a former Air Force flight surgeon who writes about debunking medical quackery, landed a column in Oprah's O Magazine last year. Now, it's been dropped. Dr. Harriet Hall did not enjoy the experience at all.

Diana Williamson, a prominent 54 year-old AIDS doctor in Harlem, has been charged with fraudulently prescribing nearly $1 million in oxycodone pills in an illegal drug scheme. To be fair, she announced her stance on this years ago.

New Alzheimers test! DNA for cancer! Grownups with pediatricians! Questions about statins! Patella band analysis! The science of sleep! And belly fat of doom! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—or do we?

How would you like to find out that your doctor's undergrad days were spent majoring not in chemistry or biology, but in reading lesbian poetry and smoking reefer? Yes, it is time to overreact.

Botanical diversity! Fights for love! Killer asteroids! Toe chop hazards! Environmental justice! Huge rats! Sniffing communication! It's your Tuesday Science Watch, where we watch your science—fairly or not!

AIDS safety! Breast cancer bad and worse news! Doctors who share! Mastering the world of dreams! And horrible sad facts of life! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while living (for now)!

Big surprise: Amnesty International says North Korean health care "is in shambles," with doctors sometimes performing amputations without anesthesia, working by candlelight in hospitals with no power. So, try not to be in a mandatory-amputation situation in North Korea. [AP]

Though a Spanish doctor claimed back in April that he performed the world's first full facial transplant, a French doctor is now claiming the title, because his job involved lips and a full lachrymal system. Ruh roh, face war!!