doctors

West Texas Plastic Surgeon Allegedly Paid Hitman In Silver Bars to Kill Another Doctor, Who Was Dating his Ex-Girlfriend

Taylor Berman · 07/16/12 10:33PM

Dr. Thomas Michael Dixon, an Amarillo plastic surgeon with not terrible online ratings ("Very Good" at scheduling appointments, says healthgrades.com), allegedly hired a hitman to murder another doctor, who had been dating Dixon's ex-girlfriend. According to reports, Dixon paid David Shepard three silver bars, worth roughly $3000 each, to murder Dr. Joseph Sonnier III, the chief pathologist at Convenant Health in Lubbock.

Better Talk to Your Kids About Sex All the Time

Hamilton Nolan · 11/15/11 05:34PM

Sex talk! Chewing tobacco! Cholesterol drugs! Womb psychology! Weight coaching! Baby abdomen! Kiwi heart! Medication erection! And hearing loss, say what? Haha. It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—age-appropriately!

Idiot Doctors Blame Man's Pain on a Past Hysterectomy

Lauri Apple · 11/12/11 04:05PM

When New Zealander Les Kennington, who is a man, visited a health clinic complaining about severe stomach pains, doctors suggested that his past hysterectomy might be to blame. They know he had a hysterectomy because his medical report says so. Why does it say so, though, given that Kennington is a man?

Child Bride Undergoes Disturbing Boob Exam on TV

Maureen O'Connor · 11/07/11 05:21PM

The freakshow oddity of Hollywood child bride Courtney Stodden and creepy actor husband Doug Hutchison has gone too far. Today, professional concern troll Dr. Drew subjected Courtney to televised breast examination. The goal: To prove scientifically whether or not her breasts are real.

Docs Locate the Female Sense of Humor

Hamilton Nolan · 10/21/11 04:34PM

Gel vagina! Too salty! Letrozole victory! Salad sal-monella! Teen IQs! Proton babies! Skeptical docs! Malaria vaccine! And women laugh like this, while guys laugh like this! Right, fellas? It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—masculariously!

Coffee Cures Women, Bad Comedians of Depression

Hamilton Nolan · 09/27/11 03:20PM

Cancer sex! Coffee women! Insurance cost! Doctor complaints! Fatherhood hearts! Diarrhea pools! Killer cantaloupes! Sleepy teens! And cheese is coming to take your soul to hell! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—inappropriately!

'What I Saw Was Not a Penis. What I Saw Was Cancer'

Hamilton Nolan · 08/23/11 09:37AM

Phillip Seaton, the unlucky ducky whose bratwurst went bye-bye after his chopper doctor turned pecker wrecker, is finally having his day in court. Tell us, "Dr." John Patterson (pictured grinning with his high-priced attorney; do you find something funny, sir?), how did a simple circumcision become a member dismembering, leaving Phillip Seaton to wake up wangless without even a chance to bid tally-ho to his tallywhacker?

Yes, Human-on-Bird CPR Works

Max Read · 07/16/11 02:47PM

Haven't you always wondered if mouth-to-beak resuscitation—"bird CPR"—would actually work? Well! We can confirm that, yes, in at least one instance it has: Bend, Ore. veterinarian Jeff Cooney saved a bald eagle (named, boringly, "Patriot") this week by performing CPR on it. Patriot, whom Dr. Cooney is rehabilitating from an apparent car accident, was under anesthesia at the time; KTVZ provides the image above, though we're not sure if the photograph is a staged re-creation of the event or an actual action shot of the heroic lifesaving attempt. Either way, it's good to know that, in the event that you come across a dying bird, you may have a shot at saving its life. [KTVZ]

'Octomom' Fertility Doctor Loses His License

Max Read · 06/01/11 08:00PM

Dr. Michael Kamrava, the Beverley Hills fertility doctor who shoved 12 embryos into the baby parts of soon-to-be-"octomom" Nadya Suleman in 2008, will lose his license to practice medicine as of July 1. Kamrava, the California Medical Board argued in its decision, should have referred Suleman herself to a mental-health evaluation instead of helping her give birth to eight future therapy patients; it also found that the doctor had not exercised "sound judgment" in the cases of two other patients, neither of which were as bizarre or interesting as "octomom." [People; image via AP]

Never Trust a Doctor Who Uses Toothpicks for Acupuncture

Max Read · 05/16/11 08:10PM

Are you sure that your doctor is a real doctor? It can be difficult to tell! For example, if he gives you a bottle of pills called "Prosperous Farmer Dietary Supplements" that expired in 2002, he is probably not credentialed.

New Law Stops Pediatricians from Asking About Guns

Max Read · 05/08/11 08:46AM

Is your pediatrician trying to take away your gun? (Probably!) You should move to Florida, where a new law would prevent pediatricians from asking about guns in the home. Thanks, NRA, for telling doctors what they can, and can't, do.

Adolescents Demand Special Doctors, Still Die

Hamilton Nolan · 03/29/11 02:00PM

Breakup pain! Men and doctors! Mommy medicine! Adolescent specialists! Dangerous dyes! Sleep weight loss! Death rate fluctuations! M.S. marijuana! And eating disorders of the olds! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—or, like, whatever!

Government's Plea to Eat Less Drowned Out by Chewing Sounds

Hamilton Nolan · 01/31/11 04:27PM

Eating instructions! Stair running! Five Hour Energy! Ballet bodies! Polar bear workout! Polio elimination! Winter blues! Exercise brain! Diabetes everywhere! As well as racist doctors! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—again and again, unsuccessfully!