Yesterday we noted that even though the American media is the grand imperial bloodsucker of our nation's soul, that's okay; at least we don't immediately do bikini shoots on the scene of our latest national disasters. Like the media in China does. In a counterpoint, Animal's Bucky Turco argues that the Chinese government's censorship of the media in the wake of said photos was actually worse than the photos themselves—a couple of which he has posted on his site. Since we have posted only a heartrending photo of homeless young victims, we're better than him. So whatever. [Animal, Previously, Donate to Earthquake Relief]

The US media takes a lot of crap from people like us for being amoral, craven bottom feeders. We take a lot of crap ourselves for being sensationalist controversy-chasers. But all of us here in the American mass media can pat ourselves on the collective back and say: at least we never took sexy pictures of scantily-clad models posing in the rubble of an earthquake that just killed 100,000 of our countrymen:

Angelo Mozilo is the CEO of disastrous mortgage lender Countrywide, and one of the most overpaid, reviled, and villainous business executives in America today. He's drawn huge salaries even as his company led to the way for the subprime mortgage collapse. So you might expect the guy to be surrounded at all times by a team of highly-paid image consultants, ensuring that every word out of his mouth in some way helped to resurrect his shattered reputation. Wrong, bitches! With a classic "Hitting reply instead of forward" move, Mozilo inadvertently let a desperate homeowner (and the world) know what he thought of his plea for help: "Disgusting.":

You might be indifferent to the Sex And The City movie, but across the country there are squads of women who care way, way too much about the film and who have already begun planning drunken, cackling rampages on opening night. Some women have commandeered jets to meet friends for the premiere; some of those will descend on New York. Once assembled, the teams will eat overpriced Asian fusion, yell at movie screens, terrorize nightclubs and, of course, consume near-lethal doses of cosmopolitans, according to a Times survey of scheduled tactical deployments. In the end, the streets will fill with vomit and desperate tears; your ears will ring with resigned sobs and frenzied mating shrieks. Here are a few of the specific horrors in store:

Exploring, perhaps, her inner Bill O'Reilly, WNBC news anchor Sue Simmons turned what should have been a straightforward promo for the evening news into an angry cuss-out of one of her co-workers. And Simmons' cursing made it onto the air, unlike Fox News anchor O'Reilly's recently-publicized meltdown. We've received several emails from viewers who caught the cursing during a break in the season finale for NBC drama Medium, and now there's video, posted after the jump. UPDATE: And Simmons has now apologized for scandalizing the entire city of New York with the f-word. UPDATE2: Since these things come in threes I'm now waiting for Anderson Cooper to have a meltdown involving lack of skin moisturizer or something.

Continuing the grand tradition of completely useless people having clothing lines, Perez Hilton will soon be rolling out his own collection of women's t-shirts, hooded sweatshirts, and other bric-a-brac. The corpulent celebrity blogger says that because he covers fashion disasters on his website, he has "a good eye for what's hot and what's not" (right) and that he's trying to expand the "Perez Brand." Can Perez Hilton wine be far behind? (Please click that link). Click through for some Guanabee inspired examples of Perez's fashion savvy.

The city has bedbug educators, apparently, and one was speaking at a special Department of Housing forum on bedbugs recently, and he let the following terrifying revelation slip in front of a Post reporter: he sees bedbugs all over various subway benches! He even saw one attach itself to some poor, unsuspecting passenger's ass at the Hoyt-Schermerhorn station in Brooklyn! Wait, Brooklyn? McKibben Lofts must be mixed up in this somehow. Anyway, the important thing here is: Definitely do panic. Here, look, the Post is helping to spread the pandemonium:

The Photoshop Monster never sleeps. In March we brought you possibly the five worst Photoshop distortions ever. But it's clear that lessons have not been learned among those who wield the program's horrific power. Must all consumers be forced to live in a world in which perspective and continuity do not exist? It doesn't seem fair. After the jump, five more abominations of our modern media world, culled from the multitudes at the Photoshop Disasters blog.

Maybe it's the approximately 417 vodka sodas I swilled last night for no good reason, but is New York's Sarah Jessica Parker/Sex and the City piece the most mesmerizingly insane thing ever or what? Emily Nussbaum strolls the streets of the West Village with the teeny tiny television star, gushing about how she is charmingly strange and thoughtful, how noble and free her spirit is. I have to question the decision-making behind assigning such an ardent fan of the actress and her highly influential show to this particular task. Nussbaum's greatest criticism seems to be that Carrie maybe pursued Big for his money. That's it! In a seven-internet-pages-long article, given the great and fascinating topic of how this particular television program (and upcoming movie) came to define this city, in many ways, more powerfully than any other bit of culture in recent memory, Nussbaum bares no teeth, questions no stereotype or bit of calculated misinformation. She simply brags to us that they're hanging out. And that's exhausting and sad and pathetic. What a fumble. Or, I don't know, something about tumbling on high heels. Some choice quotes from the article after the jump.

Hey, remember how Lifetime (Television for Women) went out and stole Project Runway from Bravo? That was fun! I mean who better to tuck a popular reality show into bed, kiss its forehead, and once and for all say good night than the only television network more stultifyingly boring than Animal Planet? Everyone knows that after the fashion design competition show leaves Bravo (after one more season, to air this summer), the show will just be weird and wrong and no one will watch. Would you like lady proof? Maire Claire might be taking over for Elle in the whole magazine tie-in racket. Ah, yes. Noted dictator of fashion Marie Claire magazine. I'm looking forward to such Lifetime/Marie Claire-centric challenges as "Stretch Pants, School Dance!", in which contestants design middle school dance chaperon outfits, and "Better Get Sweater Set!", in which contestants design sweater sets for Carol to bring on the cruise with Judy, Hal, and the kids. It might get cold at night. Way to go Lifetime!

Ben Silverman is NBC's wunderkind programming chief, close friend to the daughter of News Corp. chief Rupert Murdoch and, based on a keynote interview he just gave at an industry event, an even bigger corporate whore than fictional network exec Jack Donaghy on NBC's 30 Rock. Silverman outlined plans to leave viewers of some new shows, including Kath and Kim, hanging at close of the broadcast, forced to log on to NBC's website to see how the program ends. The plan would screw viewers even more severely than the time Silverman scheduled the explicit MILF Island episode of 30 Rock during the heart of his new "family night." But, fine, whatever, as a network executive Silverman is pretty much contractually obligated to come up with awful ideas that will never go anywhere. But why did Silverman have to drag Tina Fey into his keynote disaster, and claim she revels in 30 Rock's marketing deals?

Paulagate continues at American Idol, and the LA Times reports today that their readers, for what it's worth, want ol' mishmash mouth off the show. Ever since she fucked up and criticized a performance that, erm, hadn't actually happened yet, people have wanted blood. This comes on the heels of news that the show is looking to change some things around due to slumping ratings. So what's a Nigel Lythgoe to do? Can Lady Gobbledygook? Get a new Ryan? Air the audition rounds as flashbacks? How can Idol be saved??? Take an important poll after the jump.

We all love the "ultra-stylish" Real Housewives of New York City, don't we? Oh. The women are all horrible monsters (except Bethenny) who probably smell like calamine lotion and bitters? Fine, but the show's coming back anyway so you may as well be on it, right?. Hey New York housewives and other ladies! They want you! Just as they did with the original Orange County version of this Bravo series, the producers are adding more characters to the upcoming season. They would like to talk to you if you are "a high rolling social butterfly juggling the ups and downs of family life along with a high-powered career and a social calendar to die for?" You're rolling and being a butterfly and juggling all at the same time!! You must be ambidextrous or have several arms. Are you the goddess Shiva Kali?? LuAnn would not like that. I think goddess trumps countess. The exciting casting call lies after the jump, including the number to something ominously called the "Real Housewives Hotline." I'd really love it if one or more of you ended up on the show.

It's true, Paul Abdul pre-judged at least one American Idol contestant before he performed, resulting in her disastrous, embarrassing critique of a song that was not sung and bitter feelings of betrayal on the part of Idol fans everywhere. Abdul straight up, now, told host Ryan Seacrest about the fix on his radio show yesterday, saying she came up with thoughts about a tune during dress rehearsal, and then mistakenly spat them out on the live show two hours later, thinking, somehow, the song had already been sung. More likely, Abdul panicked and hoped for the best amid some very last-minute format changes by show producers that forced her to issue judgement far earlier than expected. Reports the Times:

So the violin string finally snapped on American Idol last night, didn't it? It was Neil Diamond night ("I'll smack you in the mouth!") and everyone sang two songs, only getting criticism after everyone had sung their first. But, what happened when they were all lined up? Paula gave the beautiful, disturbingly white-teethed Jason Castro criticism for two songs. She gave very specific (well, as specific as the perpetual stroke victim gets) notes that kind of negated the possibility that it was just a simple "oh, wrong person!" mistake. It leads one to question how spontaneous any of the judges' criticisms are. Is everything set up by producers beforehand? What are we to think of this whole debacle?? Watch the video and tell me what to do. I'm currently lying on the kitchen floor, praying to St. Anthony. Because something's been lost. Also, someone please go punch Archuleta in the face.

MySpace sensation, reality television star, fake bisexual, and living anime character Tila Tequila has weighed in, sagely, on the Annie Leibovitz Vanity Fair no-no special place photos of Miley Cyrus: "I think it's hot. When I was 15, I was doing the same thing except I bared it all....She's just showing her back. She's growing up. I don't think she's doing anything harmful. If the media keeps pushing her, pressuring her, she might end up messed up. But right now, I think everyone should just let her have fun. She's not doing anything scandalous. I think she's hot!" [From Extra]

The major networks are calling the Pennsylvania primaries for Hillary Clinton, and with 31 percent of precincts reporting she has a comfortable 10 percentage point lead over Barack Obama, not that her margin of victory really matters, because Clinton has already promised to keep arguing with her Democratic presidential rival forever, until every last American is a broken alcoholic begging for mercy from this endless campaign. "Mrs. Clinton is leaving no doubt that this race goes forward," said the Times tonight. The next primary is May 6, in Indiana and North Carolina. Even if Clinton ends up with a vanishingly small margin of victory in Pennsylvania and virtually no chance of winning the nomination, the media is still going to be saturated with campaign "news." Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go buy a couple more bottles of scotch..

You'd think at some point, in a creative review meeting, some advertising exec would stand up and say, "Maybe the 9-11 picture's not such a good idea." Such a simple sentence. But no! The latest example of incorporating a nationally traumatic terrorist mass murder into an ad: this spot for SABC Radio [via AdScam], with the tagline "There's More To See On Radio." Such as the Twin Towers burning. So hey, listen to the radio! Click through for a larger image, and pictures of the five worst 9-11 ads we've covered in the past: