Ryan Adams tends to overshare on the internet, but his blogging of an apparently botched dye job tonight is, indisputably, an appropriate use of the Web. In fact, it seems like exactly the sort of thing Tumblr was invented for in the first place. The topic is a little intimate, because it's about his feelings on an important part of his body, but not too intimate or oversharey because, duh, it's just hair. Plus it's just the sort of thing that will deeply impact the lives of Adams' obsessed fans. Disclaimer: I'm assuming it was a "disaster" because of the quote above and another photo captioned "melting," but sometimes these things turn out for the best. Or so I've heard. Here's the evolution of Adams' hair, and the musician's feelings toward it, as told by Adams himself:

Yesterday I wrote about MTV's flagship reality show, The Real World, and how its cast members have become increasingly fake and showy. This prompted a wise tipster to point me toward the audition videos for the new season's (set in Hollywood, natch) waxy, belligerently dumb cast. The most outstandingly awful has to be Columbia, SC South'run belle Kimberly. She hates ugly people. And fat people! Oh, and she really hates "whores." She wants to be famous. One time, zoh mah gah it was so funny, she knocked out her two front teeth with a glass at a bar, just like that "don't drink!" PSA. On the show she professes that she'd like to be an entertainment reporter, giving us the scoop on the likes of Lindsay Lohan and friends. A noble aspiration. It's all id running wild, and a prime example of how these kids feel they must behave in order to embarrass themselves on national television. Video after the jump.

The new Vogue is like an attack ad against Adobe Photoshop. You can practically hear the ominous attack-ad music in the background as you gaze upon Gwyneth Paltrow's detached head, hovering "a full foot in front of her neck" on the cover. So far, more than 10,000 votes in a GoFugYourself.com poll support the notion that Paltrow "looks like an alien" in the shot. The photo has of course been named an official Photoshop Disaster. Vogue may have pulled off the neat trick of making as much of a mess of its front in May as it did in April. It certainly took some heat off Marie Claire, which up until now had been this month's poster child for ASME airbrushing guidelines with this strange cover involving the TV producer and actress Tina Fey:

When a Chicago subway train got stopped for an hour in a tunnel yesterday morning, riders there did what many of us have thought of doing many times, but have not for fear of our lives: they got out and walked. That is just awesome. Less awesome: when officials heard people were walking along the tracks, they shut down power to the entire line as a safety precaution (for third rail zapping possibilities), which automatically stranded thousands more riders. It's a grassroots revolt ethical quandary!

Blog host Tumblr almost apologized to its users for leaving a big door open to hackers for 40 minutes today. "We screwed up today, and we cannot possibly express our remorse," a company blog said, offering some consolation to anonymous bloggers like Fake Nick Denton who may have had their (hopefully anonymous) email addresses exposed when the hacker or hackers peered at 27 registration records. But Tumblr groveled a little harder for Star editor-at-large Julia Allison, whose blog was the only one defaced, and fairly horrendously at that. An italicized section at the end of Tumblr's post read, "We'd also like to make a special apology to Julia Allison, whose account was temporarily affected by our mistake." See, Julia? Not everyone treats you like a jerk! [Davidville]

In 1999, BusinessWeek production manager Nicholas White went outside to smoke a cigarette and, upon returning, got stuck in an elevator. For 41 hours. The story of his ordeal is woven through Nick Paumgarten's new New Yorker feature about elevators, and is, predictably, the most interesting part. It's amazing how much 41 hours in a small metal box altered White's life forever, for the worse. And—oh yes—there is (sped-up) security camera footage of him the entire time. It's mesmerizing, because you can imagine him slowly going insane, which is exactly what's happening. Below, the video, and the article's summary of White's life since he was rescued. Let this be a cautionary tale to all of you who may find yourself similarly ensared in this most primal of New York office drone nightmares!

I don't quite know where to begin. Last night's penultimate episode of Real Housewives of New York City was at turns so vile, appalling, oddly likable, and deeply hilarious that I'm again tempted to just post the whole damn episode without comment. This grand opera of vanity and inanity needs very little introduction or analysis. It simply is. But! That's not what I get paid for, so here goes. Maybe it's best to do this by character, as each had their own little arc.

Working on CBS's Early Show seems a bit like serving time in a Soviet Gulag. No point in befriending anyone, as the ones who don't wish you specific ills may disappear one night without notice. The sad morning show lost another associate producer this week, we hear from a tipster who asked to not even be quoted off the record because CBS is "firing leakers" now. Scary! What's the story? We'll try to explain.

Oh dear. Naomi Campbell has been arrested at Heathrow airport for assaulting a police officer. Sadly, this isn't the first time the feral English supermodel has shown her bottled-up rage, caused by a difficult job and having lots and lots of money. She seems to enjoy hurling things at her servants and other blue-collar folk. Also Italian ladies. After the jump, a brief recapping of some of the more memorable Naomi Campbell attacks.

Yesterday the staff at TMZ, Harvey Levin's AOL Time Warner-owned gossip site, tossed themselves over a line that I don't think even Perez Hilton would dare approach. They made fun of someone's dead mother. In a piece posted yesterday afternoon they wrote: "The mother of 'American Idol' contestant Elliott Yamin died last night in Richmond, Va. She was 65.

 Claudette Yamin had been hospitalized over the weekend...
Yamin finished in 3rd place in 2006 on 'Idol,' behind Katharine McPhee and Taylor Hicks — who, like Mrs. Yamin, will never be heard from again." Commenters were upset in their usual thoughtful, Socratic way and TMZ eventually acknowledged the thoughtless remarks toward the end of the day. Mind you I say "acknowledged," not "apologized for."

Hey, that rich white boy can breakdance. Well, sort of. On last night's Real Housewives of New York City, the Countess LuAnn's daughter son Noelle took breakdancing lessons from a man named Cyclone. He later performed in front of his family (including the Count himself) and was heartily praised, most of all by Countess LuAnn, who was glad to see him getting involved in something artistic (other than, you know, the cello at school). It was a fairly sweet moment, and yet still bleakly representative of everything that is wrong with these people. Breakdancing lessons? From an instructor who comes to your mansion? Really?? Talk about co-opting and stuffing money into an unpluggable hole. These women are smearing themselves and their families with cash and rubies and chic "urban" things like breakdancing to mask the cheap, desperate stink they wallow in daily. OK, yes her husband's a fucking old money Count but her name is LuAnn and she considers wealth a personality trait. So do the rest of these clueless, lovable, and insanely irritating gorgons. Let's find out what they're up to!

"The malfunction... began at about 7 a.m. PDT. The site came back online about 12 hours later, but the malfunction caused Netflix to miss the deadline to mail a large number of shipments scheduled to go out on Monday—affecting customers across the United States." How am I going to finish re-watching season 3 of the Wire by the end of the month now, you monsters?? [CNET]

British dandy Sebastian Horsley is an expert on both whoring and crucifixion, so his planned book party Wednesday night was perfectly timed for a city that has been talking about the former and practicing the latter with abandon over the past week. But the Department of Homeland Security apparently failed to grasp the reformed junkie's critical importance to our increasingly debauched economy, so agents detained him at JFK and sent him "back to London on the next plane," according to an emailer. "Apparently the INS guys at JFK knew ALL about Sebastian's ropey past. SH says he has never been arrested for anything (amazing considering his life). This is SH's first (and probably last) visit to the US. HarperCollins are hysterical." It makes sense the publisher would be panicked — about an hour before Horsley's deportation, HarperCollins distributed an invitation to the planned book party. It's reprinted after the jump, where you'll also find a more-relevant-than-ever video excerpt from "The Sebastian Horsley Guide to Whoring."

Not to be outdone by the swift, shaky-cam destruction of its transcontinental nemeses in Cloverfield, Los Angeles is getting its own taste of catastrophe in the latest viral sensation to hit YouTube. At least we think it's L.A.; some have suggested that Case 1017 — the grainy home video of HazMat-suited CDC officials and semi-automatic weapons fire that has attracted 1.1 million views since Saturday — is a tease for Cloverfield 2 or M. Night Shyamalan's forthcoming Philly disaster epic The Happening. Follow the jump, however, for what turns out to be a much simpler explanation.

"A prime suspect in Saturday's East Side crane collapse - a spectacular disaster across two Manhattan blocks that has now claimed seven lives and is expected to cost untold millions - is a $50 piece of nylon webbing that investigators suspect may have broken while hoisting a six-ton piece of steel." [NYT]

This morning, former Fed chairman Alan Greenspan is warning of the worst financial crisis since World War II, the Wall Street Journal is reporting on its front page that "Banks Fear a Deepening of Turmoil," Asian stocks plunged and the federal government is financing the purchase by JP Morgan Chase of fast-collapsing investment bank Bear Stearns for less than a tenth of its stock market capitalization and about one-quarter of the value of its headquarters building. The biggest story for the moment, and the biggest single cause the current wave of fear, is the near bankruptcy of Stearns this weekend after its trading partners started asking for money owed, its credit ratings got cut and banks stopped lending the company money against even top-quality mortgage bonds. Where was the Bear Stearns' Chairman, James Cayne amid all this? Playing bridge in a tournament, a source told the Journal, until he finally returned to New York Saturday, two days after lenders starting reining in the company's credit. This is the same James Cayne embarrassed in the Times in July for playing golf amid another Stearns near-meltdown and downright humiliated in the Journal just this past November, after another time he played bridge during a company crisis, and also allegedly smoked pot:

You know how celebrities are always getting in drunken car wrecks and then get arrested and have to go to rehab? And you know how everyone (mostly Bruce Vilanch) is like "Why don't they just have someone drive them??" Well Sean Combs (née "P Diddy," "Puff Daddy," "Diablo Cody," etc.) has been listening to everyone (but mostly Bruce Vilanch) and has decided to start a car service for drunk famous people. "After partnering with Ciroc vodka, he wants to make sure everyone's partying responsibly," says a rep for the mogul. Oh. It's just for a sponsorship thing. Well, that and public safety, right? So future fuck ups like Jesse McCartney or Elle Fanning don't someday, with tragic irony, run over a little child who reminds them of what they used to be, right? No, not really. Combs says the goal for the company is "Making sure nobody gets arrested!" Sigh. [Us]

It would probably be better if Photoshop had never been invented. Not only does it distort our mental image of what the human body looks like, but, when wielded incorrectly, it can actually destroy bodies altogether. Some parts get weirdly erased; some get warped beyond reason; and sometimes, unrelated parts of other bodies materialize in pictures like traces of a poltergeist. From a long list at the Photoshop Disasters blog, we bring you the five most grotesque works of Photoshop hackdom you will ever see—unless the monster strikes again.

Remember The Lost Boys, that Two Corey's plus Jason Patric, Jamie Gertz, and Kiefer Sutherland vampire cult flick that you lurved so much when you were younger? You know, because it was dark and hip and funny and a little bit punk (for, you know, a studio monster movie)? Now, roughly forty-six years since the film premiered, a sequel called Lost Boys: The Tribe is being foisted upon this weary world. It looks exactly as cheap and schlocky as one would expect. Find a trailer after the jump, and then oh! stay tuned for the surprisingly articulate and lucid Corey Feldman getting in depth about the philosophy of the Lost Boys realm. It's just a tiny bit devastating.

Having already reduced their audience's minds and spirits to sad, pulpy smithereens, the crew at America's Next Top Model has now turned its destructive gaze upon real estate. Michael Marvisi, the landlord who rented a beautiful TriBeCa loft to the show's producers, to house 14 crazed, near feral contestants, says that the place was so damaged after their stay that he lost a prospective tenant and has had to spend thousands of dollars on repairs. There was extensive water damage in the bathroom, $20,000 curtains ruined, holes in the walls from crew members drilling (and high heels and fire pokers and talon-like finger nails), there was evidence of food fighting, with ketchup and coffee splattered everywhere, and, perhaps the most haunting and poetic detail, lipstick smeared on the walls. The producers offered to settle for a reported $125,000 (after their initial offer of a Seventeen magazine photo shoot and a Cover Girl contract was deemed to be completely useless by pretty much everyone), but Marvisi has, of course, decided to pursue litigation. Tyra Banks could not be reached for comment and a a $1,500 electricity bill remains unpaid. Much like the women who have competed on the show in years past. [P6]