Last week’s episode of Game of Thrones will be remembered as one that rewarded emotional investment in a show that, in recent seasons, has given its viewers plenty of reasons to check out. The series became famous for suddenly killing off major characters in the least merciful ways imaginable, but the newest episode ended with a beloved figure dying in a manner that was excruciating and brutal but also honorable and sort of elegant. Oh, and earlier in the episode they showed a dick.

A 44-year-old Obama critic was arrested for retail theft in Illinois last month after authorities say he shoved a vibrator down his pants and offered to show an officer his penis, The Smoking Gun reports.

“I want to get away, I want to fly away,” is what I assume Lenny Kravitz’s dick was singing to itself when it fell out of his pants yesterday at a concert in Stockholm.

A specter is haunting Portland—the specter of dildos.

Once Game of Thrones came to an agreement with a Croatian church to lock down the filming location for Cersei Lannister’s naked walk of shame, and secured a body double for Lena Headey, there was only one thing missing from one of the most important scenes of the season 5 finale: a guy to flash his dick and shout “I’m a Lannister, suck me off!”

Lance Armstrong, one of the biggest dicks and frauds in the history of men, is shocked that people cannot forget what a dick and a fraud he is—even now, months after he let his girlfriend take the fall for “partying” and hitting cars. This guy! He literally thinks he is “Voldemort,” the villain in the “Harry Potter” novels.

On Wednesday, authorities announced that big-dicked killer Richard Matt and his accomplice David Sweat (a killer whose dick is of indeterminate size) may have penetrated the border into Vermont, CNN reports.

There are some things you should know about Richard Matt, right, one of the two convicted murders who crawled out of a maximum security prison in New York this weekend. He has killed multiple people in two different countries. He has escaped from prison once before. He is, according to one cop, “the most vicious, evil person I’ve ever come across in 38 years as a police officer.” He also has a gigantic cock.

Los Angeles police officers are reportedly searching for a quartet of Honda-driving California dickheads who harassed a pair of baby sea lions before stealing one off the beach and throwing it in the trunk.

Meeting the parents is always complicated. There’s even several movies about it! But this week Ariana Grande’s father had a message for her boyfriend that couldn’t be simpler: Please do not give my daughter any dick.

On a weekend filled with stories about killer cops, awful parents and Justin Bieber, ISIS released a video showing the purported destruction of yet another ancient Assyrian city, proving once again that, yes, they're still the worst.

Dicks: Many of us have them, and sometimes they get messed up. In such cases, we can only hope that any necessary procedure is quick, painless and—most importantly—singular. According to Jimmy Kimmel, his messed up dick surgery was none of those things.

Natarsha Belling is an anchor for Australian television's Network Ten. On a broadcast apparently from this past weekend, she wore this green jacket. What does her neckline resemble? Some say "a dick."

Rejoice, peen-having members of this Earth: Doctors from University of Stellenbosch in South Africa successfully completed the world's first purported penis transplant—the patient has made a full recovery and "is sexually active."

Since the only thing that men ever think about is how big their dicks are, we finally have some good news for you, men. Finally!! A new comprehensive study among 15,000 men discovered that the average length of an erect penis was a mostly meager 5.16 inches. Bust out some lube and measuring tape, why don't you? Tell us in the comments where you stand.

A criminally thirsty Tulsa woman was arrested on Thursday after allegedly trying to bite off her boyfriend's penis in his sleep, KOTV reports.

For almost 20 years, I have thought that penis-reduction surgery was a real thing, thanks to the Chinese restaurant scene in Waiting for Guffman, but supposedly a Florida teen just had the world's first. What are you going to tell me next? That vagina enlargements aren't real, either?

The new Charlie Hebdo cover is fraught with meaning... and dicks.

Unlike some other pop stars, here's one who actually has the goods.

The year of 2014 began with a bang: a man on Reddit who had posted photos of his two penises sat in on the site for an AMA session on January 1st. Answering the question, "Do you have a favorite?" the man with two dicks replied, "Yes. The right one. The left one has a grudge against me for it too. lol" With that affirmative moment in penile favoritism, the year of the booty had found its companion in dicks, and the 365 days ahead were long and hard.