Shapeless. Halfhearted. Diffident. Slipping. Unconvincing in the harsh light of the national stage. Observers may say these things about Marco Rubio’s presidential campaign. But no one can say these things about Marco Rubio’s hair.

A Georgia man's widow was awarded $3M earlier this month, after it was ruled that a doctor failed to diagnose and treat her husband's heart condition. Luckily, your gossipy neighbor Francine has teamed up with several major news outlets to bring you the real scoop:

Ashton Kutcher's editorship of Details was, as we noted yesterday, a brazenly self interested and highly misleading act of journalism. But it may have been a federal crime, too, judging from what the New York Times is reporting.

Not only did Ashton Kutcher pose for the cover of Details' September issue, he also edited a special "online only" version, out today. Turns out Hollywood's prettiest boytoy is one compromised whore of a magazine editor, directing most of his recommendations and profiles to tech companies he's invested in, with nary a word of disclosure. It's shameless even by Condé Nast standards.

In a new profile in Details magazine for totally straight dudes, the former Governator's 17-year-old son Patrick, already a shirtless squeal sensation, talks about his plans for the future—in the worlds of business and love. How precocious!

Details gathered a bunch of sexy Russian spy Anna Chapman's ex-boyfriends for a kiss-and-tell drinking session, and the result is like busting open a fire hydrant connected to a pipeline of douche. Let us bear witness.

In a new article, Zac Efron moans "best… orgasm… ever!" with his pants unzipped in a public restroom, and Tom Cruise takes him for a pleasure ride on his motorcycle. Conclusion: "Nothing about Efron merits even flipping on the gaydar."

In an interview in Details, openly gay singer-songwriter Rufus Wainwright says that he knows that 50 Cent is gay. How? Because Mr. Cent has a funny voice and Rufus wants him. Yeah, that's some very sound logic there.

In your exclusive Wednesday media column: another event related to the White House Correspondents' Association dinner that you will be unable to attend, Details still exists, Tina Brown on Rupert Murdoch, and new Glenn Beck book.

Robert Pattinson did a steamy photo shoot with lots of hot, kinda nekkid models for basically gay straight lad-mag Details, in which he told his interviewer that he is "allergic to vagina." Besides being an awesome pullquote, is it true?

"Marcus," the first male prostitute at Nevada brothel the Shady Lady Ranch, would be a great character for a screen play. However, based on the interview he gave Details, he will make for a lousy businessman.

Doree Shafrir has a new story in Details about rich guys who just won't stop spending money, during this recession. And all the guys have pseudonyms, like criminals! Do you know any evil rich people who fit these descriptions?

Oh, look: metrosexual Bible Details landed America's biggest gay pop star for a cover shoot. A very heterosexual cover shoot. (He sorta kisses a girl!!) No, Details doesn't look gay at all.

In your controversial Tuesday media column: A magazine tries to claim NYC as its own, Details loses a publisher, Nancy Grace is the next Judge Judy, and Madonna wants to suck a newspaper's life blood (money).

Conde Nast! Every scrap of news about it is precious, because everyone's afraid that this McKinsey review is just an excuse to gut the once-fancy magazine empire. But! Conde's weakest magazines might even make it through this alive.

Dear Facebook employee: If you're going to do something obvious and cliché like wearing cowboy boots to SXSW's geek spring break, please have the decency not to tell Twitter about it. Other Twitter idiocies today:

In your sunny Friday media column: Dan Peres has balls, high school reporters have dreams, Arthur Sulzberger has an honest moment, and the media at large has nothing to look forward to:

In the past 24 hours, more than 8,000 of you voted on which Conde Nast magazine most deserves to live. You care, you really care! Your full results—and what they mean—below:

The good news: Details staffers were just told that they're moving out of their second class offices on Third Avenue into the big time, Conde Nast headquarters at 4 Times Square! The bad news:

Oh we see how it is. First we make Republican ski bum and national bailout chief Neel Kashkari a total object of desire by showing you how Ferrari-tastic he was in high school. Then People magazine goes and names him one of the sexiest guys in the world. And now, Details has named Neel #2 on their "Power List," if you can imagine "Details" and "Power" together in the same sentence. Kashkari kopykats are going krazy! We saw him first. That means we're first in line for some of that sweet bailout money in 09, baby. [Details; pic by ineffable.me]