· Hey, have a hot date and worried that renting Sideways and buying a bottle of grocery store wine might not make a good enough impression? Just a buck under $100 per person gets you and your date into Cinespace for a screening of the movie and a participatory wine tasting. If you're trying to get laid, make sure you don't play along with the part where Paul Giamatti dumps the spittoon over his head. Could be a dealbreaker.
· Hump Day music round-up: Alkaline Trio at the Wiltern; Le Tigre at the Avalon; The Hollywood Jazz Orchestra performs music from Woody Allen movies at the Hollywood Bowl.
· Director Curtis "Wonder Boys" Hanson and Clint Eastwood will be at the Acadmey's Samuel Goldwyn Theatre for an Invasion of the Body Snatchers screening and a tribute to its director, Don Siegel. You might even get close enough to count the creases in Eastwood's face, though we can't recommend actually tracing them with your finger.

If you've been following any of the Roman Polanski libel trial, in which the fugitive director is suing Vanity Fair for writing that he tried to seduce a Swedish woman soon after his wife's tragic death, you may have read that Polanski's testimony is being beamed to London from France to avoid possible extradition to the United States, which he fled after being convicted of statutory rape in 1977. The transcripts from that trial have finally been released, and The Smoking Gun reminds us exactly why Polanski had to "relocate" to extradition-free France:

In the interest of healthy debate, Defamer is committed to dedicating a small amount of blogspace to the opposing viewpoints of its readers. Late yesterday, a reader wrote in to offer a dissenting voice to counterpoint our continuing coverage of superproducer Jerry Bruckheimer, the man behind such high-grossing entertainments as Pearl Harbor, Armageddon, and roughly 85 percent of CBS's primetime television programming. Say what you will about Bruckheimer, but his movies transcend the language barriers that often interfere with universal enjoyment of the cinematic experience:

"Yeah, yeah, Rob, whatever. It's nice that you got a picture of a renegade fighter jet tattooed on your penis, but we can't exactly put that in a Happy Meal, can we? Ooh! I think I see Jamie Foxx!" At the Stealth premiere in San Diego, Sony chief Amy Pascal rudely dismisses director Rob Cohen's misguided attempt at viral movie promotion.

When a reader e-mailed us with a weekend Santa Monica sighting of Tobey Maguire claiming that the actor "looks a lot less puffy than he has in the past," we were at first skeptical. However, a quick trip to Getty Images seems to confirm that Maguire looked relatively trim at a recent poker event in Vegas, a city where he'd previously been snapped looking woefully unprepared for his spandex spider-suit. Can it be? Has the slim Tobey reemerged? To celebrate Maguire's triumphant return to fighting weight, we went back through our archives for accounts of the "tubby" star's six month journey to Fattytown and back, a trek we now share with you in timeline form. Click the above image to have a look. After the jump, we present links to the posts so movingly illustrated on the timeline.

Not to panic anyone in Century City or in the Fox "Nakitomi" Tower, but a reader tells us about a possible bomb threat at the Plaza:

· DVD sales growth stalls, but execs at places like Disney can still wipe with hundred dollar bills from home video sales of The Incredibles ($315 million) and National Treasue ($196 million). [Variety]
· Fox Searchlight plans a Notorious B.I.G. biopic for Antoine Fuqua to direct, will soon be gunned down by a rival studio with a Tupac Shakur movie in development. [THR]
· Kate Hudson will join Owen "The Butterscotch Stallion" Wilson in Universal's You, Me and Dupree. Open memo to Univerasl: Please lose the Seussian title before release. The Stallion will not countenance such cheesy, singsong nonsense. [Variety]
· News five people care about: Fredric Reynolds, considered frontrunner for the CFO gig at soon-to-be-created CBS Corp. gives Viacom an unexpected kiss-off. [THR]
· Everything that's wrong with television, in one easy sentence: At about $400,000 each per episode of King of Queens, Leah Remini and Kevin James might be the two highest paid actors on network TV. [Variety]

Is superannuated, beturtlenecked producer Robert Evans finally ready to make room in his rotating waterbed for wife number seven? Page Six might have heard the faint tinkling of engagement bells:

With eminently quotable Viacom co-president/future galactic dictator Les Moonves tied up with corporate world domination meetings in New York, overmatched CBS Entertainment president Nina Tassler was left to face journalists at the Television Critics Association convention yesterday. The LA Daily News reports that Moonves was sorely missed:

Actor James Doohan, Star Trek's excitable engineer, dies.

In Los Angeles, legal action is swift when matters of videotaped images of a famous actor putting his penis into an obscure former Playmate are involved, as a judge issued a temporary restraining order yesterday in response to Colin Farrell's lawsuit against Nicole "Why Does No One Ever Mention My Role As 'Waitress' On Entourage? I'm Also An Actress" Narain. Huzzah! Justice herself has demurely cupped her hands around Farrell's genitals, temporarily shielding them from the public's greedy gaze. Now we can do nothing but wait for the mysteriously "hacked" hard drive, the viral internet dissemination of a three-minute version of Farrell's best performance since The Recruit, and the compulsive rinsing of our eyeballs with Drano after a fourth consecutive viewing of the clip. We've all been down the filthy little path through the dark heart of celebrity intercourse before.

· "The two of us have chosen to take different paths, but will continue to support each other in the spirit of the goodness and light that brought us together." Commenting about the sudden, possibly stripper-induced cancellation of his client's wedding, Lorenzo Lamas's agent waxes surprisingly poetic. (Eh, you know his assistant wrote it.) Still, it's hard not to view any Lamas-related misfortune as karmic payback for Are You Hot?
· Kathy Hilton says what all of America's been thinking: "This show fucking sucks."
· Sienna Miller's mom doesn't know if her daughter and nanny-zapping fiancée Jude Law will reconcile, but allows that if she had a nanny that spicy, she'd have "hit it" too.
· For the record, Mia Farrow doesn't think that Roman Polanski hit on that Swedish chick, either.

· Ana Marie Cox, the editor of our DC-based sister site Wonkette, will discuss the political ass-fucking ramifications of this evening's announcement of the new Supreme Court nominee at the Central Library's Taper Auditorium. She may also discuss other sodomy-free matters, depending on her level of inebriation.
· This month's RES screening (as always, at The Egyptian) features a retrospective of Roman Coppolla's music video work. Do not resist. You will be entertained by Hollywood royalty.
· Screenwriter Paul Haggis will hang around to answer questions following a screening of Million Dollar Baby at the ArcLight. Here's one: If he'd won the Oscar for MDB, would he have had to give it back for writing Crash?

With the celebrity jurisprudence spotlight being hogged so mercilessly by Colin Farrell's efforts to keep the public from watching him engage in videotaped sex acts, we momentarily lost sight of Cameron Diaz's efforts to keep the public from seeing pictures of her 19-year-old, pre-fame breasts. Even with the nation's attention diverted elsewhere, the wheels of justice keep turning, as handwriting experts have determined that a release form supposedly signed by Diaz was forged:

Oooh, oooh, we know! We know! Here's the answer: "Not if they take out all the homoerotic eye-fucking between Colin Farrell and Jared Leto, which was the only part of the movie that anyone talked about. The world wants more man-on-eunuch action, not less. What's Oliver Stone going to do if no one likes his 9/11 movie, go back and take out the part where the towers fall?"

Terrorist threat or capsule movie review of an in-flight movie? You make the call:

Never ones to let us down, The Smoking Gun has posted the documents from Colin Farrell's lawsuit against his sex tape co-star, Nicole "I Am Now Three Thousand Times As Famous As I Was Last Week, Regardless Of How This Turns Out" Narain. There are six pages of tortured legalese for the curious to wade through, but we know that if you had the actual tape, you'd just fast-forward to the good parts, so we've excerpted the hottest passages for you:

Now that Wedding Crashers has hit theaters, we expected a precipitous decline in Owen "The Butterscotch Stallion" Wilson coverage, but much to our delight, StallionMania™ gallops triumphantly on. A reader submitted this photo from last month's Maui Film Festival, where the Brothers Wilson (even the lesser-known Andrew) were honored with a "Shooting Star Award" for their familial success. Owen didn't appreciate being observed at play, approaching the amateur photographer "with his mallet at the ready and a scowl on his face...displaying none of that trademark Zen or 'aw shucksiness'" we've all come to know and cherish. We don't know how many times we have to say this, but don't taunt the Stallion in the wild—he'll buck you right off.

We should've known that Rupert Murdoch would have already established a MySpace presence before plunking down $580 million to acquire the company. In fact, it seems that he loved making friends on the web so much that he's put up multiple profiles: Rupert, Rupert, Rupert, Rupert, Rupert, Rupert, and our personal favorite, Rupert Murdoch Owns Your Soul.

· Universal Studios president/COO Ron Meyer signs a new, five-year contract to remain at the studio unless something better comes along. If no better opportunities present themselves in that timeframe, Meyer should be around to preside over the future smash Meet the Focking Great-Grandkids. [Variety]
· ESPN is "close" to acquiring the rights to a second season of the failed NBC boxing show The Contender, which may or may not involve first season host Sylvester Stallone. Hey, Disney, If you're going to pick up Jeff Zucker's sloppy seconds, at least make sure Sly is part of the deal. [THR]
· To celebrate its plans to move into a fancy new Wilshire Blvd. headquarters in 2007, the Gersh Agency promotes every last employee to partner level. [Variety]
· In the wasteland of summertime Monday night Nielsens, Fox's Hell's Kitchen is the largely irrelevant king. [THR]
· Paramount and Nickelodeon Movies team up and try not to smurf up a CGI feature version of everyone's favorite Saturday morning cartoon/extended Communism allegory. [Variety]