Whether or not you believe that the studios are making less money at the box office this year, there is hardly anything more entertaining than a reporter (this time, it's Sharon Waxman of the NY Times) using The Slump to corner some high-powered film executives and make them admit that many of their movies are, not to put too fine a point on it, pretty shitty:
As if the the conversion of Lindsay Lohan into doll form wasn't a bad enough idea, manufacturer Mattel is defending the smaller and slightly more plastic Lohan and big sis Barbie, which now include imagination-killing DVDs featuring their fictional exploits, as a parent's last defense against schools' shrinking arts budgets:
Cory's Web Log notes this truly unsettling resemblance, and we've lost the last five minutes staring blankly at the monitor, trying to think of something to say about it. Sometimes words can do no justice; the scores of tiny blood vessels in the brain breaking free simultaneously and the Pop Tart's jelly filling slowly dribbling down one's chin are enough.
· Is there any better way for Brad Pitt to celebrate the signing of his divorce papers than by attending an exhibition of the famous W magazine photo spread vividly depicting his (allegedly) adulterous relationship with Angelina Jolie? OK, we don't know if he's going to be at the gallery showing or not, but it started today and runs through Friday.
· Paul Goebel's The King of TV show at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater features that guy from Star Trek, that chick from Survivor, and some guy named David Cross.
· The Silent Movie Theater succumbs to the talkies with a screening of Dig! (with director Q&A) , and while it's possible you've seen Zoolander fifty-seven times already, you probably have never seen it on the Santa Monica Pier for free.
We've heard a rumor (of the unconfirmed, but nonetheless fun, variety, so take it for what it's worth) that Jeremy Piven, Entourage''s lovable Ari Gold, a character we are contractually obligated to mention is at least partly based on Official Agent Dance Mascot Ari Emanuel, has shitcanned agent Jim Osborne at ICM for a shark-to-be-named-later at CAA. Excuse us, that sounds harsh. How about crapcanned?
We think we see the first five, post W&G years coming into focus: a lot of explaining to development people that it was other guy who's supposed to be typecast as a queen, a Lifetime movie playing an anorexic's husband who's so sensitive that viewers think the subtext is that he's actually closeted, a publicist-orchestrated story in the National Enquirer about being held hostage and lapdanced by a horny female stripper for three straight days, and then, finally, a Will & Grace reunion special in which Debra Messing and Megan Mullaly refuse to appear.
Perhaps the only thing creepier than one Tom Cruise is three well-dressed guys who look and sound like the genuine article hanging out together. If our operative hadn't already been snooping around the Mission: Impossible 3 set at Paramount, he might have fled for his life, convinced that the invasion was finally nigh. Instead, we get this report:
Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put “privacywatch” or “sighting” in the subject line, to help us find them later) and let the world know Slyvester Stallone is shopping for a tiny dog.
· Unlike the Hollywood whorefests at Sundance and Toronto, the four-day Telluride Film Festival is still about the "love of cinema" and its lineup is shrouded in secrecy. Boo! We think a frustrated acquisitions exec just crapped his pants. [Variety]
· Meanwhile, the completely unsecretive Toronto fest announces its lineup. [Variety]
· FX picks up third season of Rescue Me, allowing us still more time to put off finally checking out one of the episodes piling up in the TiVo. [THR]
· Var uses the phrase "urban suspense thriller" twice in four sentences to describe potential Jodie Foster vehicle The Brave One. In addition to its apparent suspenseful, urban qualities, vigilantism is involved. [Variety]
· National Lampoon taps Diedrich Bader and Nicole Eggert, the spiritual heirs of John Belushi and the vintage Chevy Chase, for National Lampoon's Cattle Call. [THR]
We really don't know what Fashion Monitor Toronto is, or why they'd run this seeming Tom Cruise parody story alongside more believable ones about Burt Reynolds treating his wrinkles and Jessica Simpson selling treadmills. But we do know this: Cruise has always seemed like an old soul, and we'd secretly suspected that the words he utters each time a camera and microphone are pointed in his direction came from a mysterious and ancient place:
If this Page Six item plugging journalist Neil Strauss's new book on pick-up artists is to be believed, life veered into sitcom territory when the writer "inadvertently" seduced Courtney Love (we hate it when that happens!) with his new skills during an interview and found himself with a wacky, unexpected roommate. Hilarity, it seems, ensued:
The Great Celebrity-Paparazzi War has claimed yet another pretty, blonde casuality, as photographers followed Scarlett Johansson into the Disneyland parking lot [Ed.note—No! Not the happiest place on Earth!], where, depending on your allegiance in the conflict, they either recklessly induced the star into a fender-bender or she suddenly decided to sideswipe a family to feel alive again. This latest skirmish introduces a new element: collateral damage.
· With all of the negative coverage of Tom Cruise in the media lately, it seems that we never get to hear the good things, such as the heartwarming story of how he inspired the book My Love for You, Tom Cruise—A Desperate Chinese Girl's Confession. Equally heartwarming restraining orders to follow.
· Still more information about Tom Sizemore's penis that we really didn't need to know: Heidi Fleiss poo-poos the permaboner talk, saying, "He needed Viagra when I was with him."
· BoingBoing sings the praises of local funnypeople The Lonely Island, who posted their rejected Fox pilot, Awesometown, online and just landed a gig writing/performing on SNL.
· The LAT looks at Hollywood's unsung heroes, the script readers. They read so agents don't have to learn how to.
· American Idol runner-up Bo Bice underwent emergency surgery to remove a blockage in his intestines on Friday; the surgery was successful, and the doctors returned the bong to Bice relatively intact, no awkward questions asked.
· Eisley plays a free show at the Troubadour, and with a major internet concern behind the show, they're also giving away guitars signed by the band. Not free, but certainly worth ten bucks for the impromptu strip show, is Har Mar Superstar at the Knitting Factory.
· March of the Penguins, Murderball, The Aristocrats, Grizzly Man, Mad Hot Ballroom. This summer's docu-madness continues at The International Documentary Association DocuWeek at the ArcLight.
· Because getting the real author to show up and read from his own book is so 2004: Brendan McGlynn discusses Nick Hornby’s How To Be Good at the Barnes and Noble on the Third Street Promenade.
In our heart of hearts, we just know that Brad and Angelina had a three-way with that judge, then sent Polaroids of the well-choreographed robes-and-gavels action to Jennifer Aniston. It really was the only way that this chapter in their lives could end.
Who knew that local Fairfax Avenue watering hole The Dime had a Shirley Temple night? A couple of Defamer spies spotted decidedly underage (yet bar-omnipresent) starlets Lindsay Lohan and Mischa Barton there on Friday night, and one of them had an ear pricked up, capturing this paradoxically fascinating/inane moment of conversation:
