· Tuesday is the new Monday music round-up: Nurse your Arthurfest hangover with a folktastic post-festival show at the Silverlake Lounge featuring Yacht (with a possible appearance by Devendra Banhart, so say the hippie whisperers), or by running screaming in the opposite direction for Chicago and Earth, Wind, and Fire at the Greek.
· Fox can invite you to an advance screening of two of their new shows, Headcase and Reunion, but they can't control whether of not you'll be an agent of good or bad pre-premiere buzz once you leave the theater. If you want to indulge in their little game of marketing Russian roulette, here's the info.
· If it seems like the ArcLight hosts a lot of film festivals and post-screening filmmaker Q&A's, that's because it does. Tonight they offer both the bread and the butter, a choice between the 9TH Annual Los Angeles International Short Film Festival (ongoing through the 13th) and a chat with the director of The Exorcism of Emily Rose.

Breaking news in the Great Celebrity-Paparazzi War of 2005, from Access Hollywood:

Since yesterday, Official Agent Dance mascot Ari Emanuel has blogged his little heart out for the HuffPo, been accused of pro-SUV behavior by the NY Daily News, and been reflexively name-checked in a NY Times story about Entourage. We're forced to adopt the round-up format to do adequately track The Smiling Face of Ten Percent's recent media ubiquity:

Perhaps the most cunning of all the hurricane aid scams is Michael Jackson's hurricane relief song, tentatively titled "From the Bottom of My Heart," the proceeds from which will be embezzled quietly to fund Jackson's reported radical "macho makeover" and the construction of Neverland Palace and Children's Cancer Hospice in Bahrain. If you really want to entrust a celebrity with your money, you're better off funding Sean Penn's Water Rescue Fund.

You give and give and give, and yet we continue to ask you for more. This time, The Gawker Media International Blogging Concern™ is greedily grabbing for your sartorial opinions. We're preparing a new round of Defamer-flavored t-shirts, and our evil blogging overlords back at the Mothership would like you to vote on which t-shirt slogans you'd like to see stretched over the breast/pec implants of your favorite co-worker. And if you don't find the current offerings to your liking, you can submit ideas and/or designs of your own (follow the link to the instructions, please don't e-mail them here), for which you will be paid in actual US dollars or the preferred currency of internet sweatshops, the shirts themselves. Come on, vote! It's more fun than a bathroom stall full of exhausted starlets!

RIP Bob Denver, 1935-2005.

While Kanye West was out shopping before he made a donation to the relief effort, actor/Soldier of Fortune Sean Penn grabbed the first boat he could find in New Orleans and initiated his own rescue mission. Perhaps caught up in the emotion of the moment, the crew failed to notice that their conveyance was riddled with holes, forcing Penn to pour out all of his beer and use the cup to bale out the water from his rapidly sinking rescue craft. Lord, the take-charge spirit is willing, but the dinghy is weak.

· Variety proclaims that actors, not directors, are creating all the buzz at the Telluride film festival, with Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Catherine Keener in Capote, Reese Witherspoon and Joaquin Phoenix in Walk the Line, and Heath Ledger and a pair of sexy chaps in gay cowboy flick Brokeback Mountain among the standouts. [Variety]
· THR's Hollywood and Katrina round-up: Jerry Lewis raises a million dollars for hurricane victims, the major networks get ready to unite Friday for another relief concert, and MTV goes it alone. [THR,THR]
· Marvel Entertainment will independently finance and produce big-screen vehicles for the leftover comic book characters in their stable, announcing plans to adapt ten of their titles. That's right, True Believers, you might finally get those Ant Man and Power Pack movies you've been clamoring for! [Variety]
· Deciding that a tentative plan to execute losers on the Emmy telecast wasn't cruel enough, the show will feature an "Emmy Idol" competition in which actors like Kristen Bell and William Shatner sing TV themes and are subjected to a public vote on their off-key warblings. [THR]

This Sunday's NY Times Magazine dedicated 8,000 or so lovingly crafted words to the delicate salad-tossing of CBS chief Les Moonves, the generously-betoothed future galactic despot who will one day use his humble position as head of a successful network to hold the entire universe in his incredibly charismatic sway. Realizing that busy television executives with their own plans for world domination may not have time to pore over the entire text of the New Moonves Testament for crucial trade secrets, we've distilled the mammoth profile down to four easily digestible tips for Nielsen success:

By now, we imagine that nearly everyone is aware of Kanye West's incredible demonstration of his freestyling gifts on NBC's Friday evening "We Care the Most About Hurricane Relief Because Our Concert Was On First" telethon. (If not, here's a transcript.) We'll cut to the money shot, because we've already spent a good portion of the weekend recreating the exchange for friends who missed it: After West went off-book (kids, ask your acting coach!) to rant about the media's coverage of the hurricane (i.e., black people loot, white people find) and the government's response to the disaster, stunned co-presenter Mike Myers dutifully continued with the teleprompter script. West then punctuated the segment with the Sound Bite Heard 'Round The World: "George Bush doesn't care about black people." In the incredibly uncomfortable two seconds that followed, Myers registered a look of utter helplessness, as if wishing he could crawl into a protective cocoon of two hundred pounds of Fat Bastard latex, and NBC then quick-cut to a clearly unprepared Chris Tucker, who floundered about with some ad-libbed exhortations for people to help, help, help. And...scene. Live television history is made, Kanye West becomes a folk hero, and we're officially the 29,000th blog to offer a blow-by-blow of the events. SNL sketches to follow.

Enjoy the weekend box office numbers, a perfect complement to that soul-restoring first cup of coffee:

Friday
· Go East, young music-lover: Dead Meadow at the Echo, Bobby Bare Jr and Crooked Fingers at Spaceland.
· Jamie Kennedy, former host of the aptly named Jamie Kennedy Experiment and your favorite non-Rose McGowan cast member from Scream, hits the stage at the Hollywood Improv. Help him forget all about Malibu's Most Wanted. Don't be hatin'.
Saturday
· The LA Scavenger Hunt will have you running all over the city, imbibing dangerous level of alcohol, and liberally quoting lines from Midnight Madness. (FAGABEEFE?) The challenge ends at a warehouse after-party that will rock until the drugs stop working, featuring the musical stylings of 400 Blows and Wires on Fire. This is probably not a very hard sell.
· When Indie-rock snobbery and arty pretension collide: Thurston Moore performs at MOCA. You know, in a good way.
Sunday
· Sunset Junction just whet your appetite for this weekend's festival, ArthurFest, two days of hipster-damaged rock-n-roll festival goodness. Day one has Sonic Youth, Sleater Kinney, the Black Keys, and 15 other bands you've listened to through the fuzz on KXLU.
· For those of you that have passed out of the Sonic Youth demo, Brian Wilson plays the Hollywood Bowl.
Monday
· Day two of Arthurfest features crippling hangovers, Spoon, Yoko Ono, Cat Power, and about three hundred girls in gym shorts and cowboy boots.
· Don't you have a barbeque or something to go to? Call your friends, dude, they're totally partying without you.

Livid that their favorite actor has been given the heave-ho from Alias, angry Michael Vartan fans have apparently started a campaign of "misinformation" against co-star and former lovah Jennifer Garner, whom they blame for Vartan's unceremonious curb-kicking. Page Six runs down the finer points of a memo being distributed by the fans, then gives an ABC publicist equal time to refute reports of the evil laser beams supposedly emnating from Garner's eyes:

Join us in our weekly celebration of our sponsors, a magnificent collection of fine businesses. For more info about advertising on Defamer, see this page.

· Louisiana's film and TV office reaches out to Hollywood: "It's a beautiful day in Baton Rouge...Unless you're shooting a film called 'Hurricane,' you won't want to come to New Orleans, but we have 54 other parishes." We're all relieved to know that those tax incentives were evacuated from New Orleans in time. [Variety]
· An ABC News crew tried to approach New Orleans' Charity Hospital for a story, but was turned away by gunfire. In a related story, the LA film and TV office would like everyone to know that their Hollywood friendly tax breaks are completely unarmed. [THR]
· The 32nd Telluride Film Festival, which takes place in Colorado, a state somewhere in America, unsurprisingly will host a number of American premieres. [Variety]
· Cheaper by the Dozen director Shawn Levy will attempt the impossible task of trying to fill Brett Ratner's enormously hacky shoes, taking over casino flick 21, a project Ratner abandoned to take a shot at ruining the X-Men franchise. [THR]
· Former Tom Cruise guard-dog Pat Kingsley is opening a London branch of her PMK/HBH flackery in October, making it easier for her to deny access to her clients should the British press get out of line. [Variety]

Continuing the proud epistulary tradition shared between prison inmates and members of the media, NY Daily News JV gossip Lloyd Grove has kept up a correspondence with the Collins Correctional Facility's most famous resident, Michael Lohan, estranged father of everyone's favorite bony starlet, Lindsay Lohan. Grove's friendship is rewarded with a letter containing the jailhouse daddy's musical answer to his daughter's upcoming song about the Lohan's well-publicized familial turbulence. It's clear from his lyrical flair that Lindsay's songwriting gifts are genetic:

A reader sent along this passage from ABC's preview page for Fall sitcom Freddie (which, unfortunately, has no unfortunately timed connections to hurricanes, leaving its premiere date unaffected), noting the interesting assertion in the last sentence (emphasis ours):

Finally, some good news (really), but still no news on what's going on with Dave Pirner's house. (Why not celebrate Fats' boat rescue by throwing some money to the Red Cross? )

· Not content to merely humiliate Sundance bonus-baby Hustle & Flow at the box office, the folks behind March of the Penguins are getting cheeky with their promotions as well.
· As much as we'd like to think that former Tom Cruise superflack Pat Kingsley took on Brooke Shields to taunt her former client, does that make any sense whatsoever? He's probably way too busy personally—personally—stepping kids off harmful street drugs to really give a shit.
· This is currently the least popular beverage in the Southeast. The runner-up? The Gun-Wielding Looter.
· Haven't the good people of London suffered enough lately?
· We've always secretly admired Salma Hayek's flexibility.

· Because every L.A. weekend must feature at least one film festival: CineCon 41 takes over the Renaissance Hollywood Hotel and The Egyptian Theater for their film fest of "unusual movies." Hopefully, by "unusual" they don't mean "snuff films."
· The tutors, volunteers, and staff at 826LA get their own night to read their work at Indoor Voices: The 826LA Reading Series. It doesn't have to be about Dave Eggers all the time, does it?
· Cheapskatin' LA points us to two free musical offerings: Shonen Knife and the Knack (now that's a interesting double-bill) close out the summer concerts at the Santa Monica Pier, while the Wallflowers play the House of Blues. If you're determined to pay for something, you can drive to Anaheim to see Devo.