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Enjoy the weekend box office numbers, a perfect complement to that soul-restoring first cup of coffee:

1. The Transporter—$20.25 million
It's really fitting that this terminally unsatisfying summer movie season was wrapped up with the least sexy first place finisher possible. And it certainly didn't take long for a studio exec to invoke the hurricane to explain Transporter 2's unexpected success:

People love the character," said Bert Livingston, a distribution executive for 20th Century Fox, which released both "Transporter" flicks. "It's escapism, and with all the tragedy going on in New Orleans, I think people want to get away and lose themselves for an hour and a half."

Oh, shitty sequels, how you ease our nation's pain!

2. The 40 Year-Old Virgin—$16.6 million
Now that Steve Carell's reached comedy star apotheosis by taking over the the lead from Jim Carrey in the Bruce Almighty sequel Evan Almighty, it's time for the rest of the cast to bask in the buzz. Even Virgin sidekick Seth Rogen's getting his own movie.

3. The Constant Gardener—$10.8 million
It seems that every mention of a Ralph Fiennes film must be accompanied by a guide for the proper pronunciation of his first name, so here's ours: RAY-el-phæë. Impress your friends with the arbitrary use of diacritical marks!

4. Red Eye—$9.3 million
Out of respect for the heroic actions of Americans at Labor Day barbeques everywhere this past weekend, we will refrain from perving on new obsession Rachel McAdams for at least the next four hours.

5. The Brothers Grimm—$7.9 million
The Brothers Grimm, it seems, was not nearly as successful a vehicle for escapism as Transporter 2.