In following with Britney Spears' announcement on the solidity of her marriage and her fitness as a mother, today's theme of "Celebrities Desperately Trying To Change The Negative Public Image They've Worked So Hard To Earn Day" continues with the leaking of yet more choice nuggets from Harper's Bazaar's interview with Lindsay Lohan, hitting newsstands June 20:

· In mid-July, M:i:III will finally get a non-black-market release in China, though in an edited, more censor-friendly form. The expected changes reportedly involve the removal of some scenes of violence, as well as all mentions of Tom Cruise's character being married to a woman, which Chinese officials have deemed "too far-fetched to be believed by even the most thoroughly brainwashed populace." [THR]
· We're willing to bet that you don't care enough about the Tonys to follow this link and find out who won. [Variety]
· Director Peter Weir exits Johnny Depp's Shantaram project over the obligatory "creative differences," which may or may not involve Weir's uneasiness with Depp's insistence that the only artistically pure way to make a movie about a heroin addict is for all involved to develop debilitating smack habits for the duration of the shoot. [Variety]
· The Da Vinci Code continues its dominance at the foreign box office with another $22 million, performing exceptionally well in territories where translators' interpretations help reduce the feeling that Ron Howard is insulting their intelligence. [THR]
· NBC's new programming continues to flourish against token rerun competition. [Variety]

Is there no limit to God's glorious bounty in this, the high era of celebrity reproductiveness? Matt Damon and wife Luciana Bozan have become the proud parents of a baby daughter (having a boy at this point would seem almost unthinkably passe), born yesterday and named Isabella. Says Damon's publicist Jennifer Allen: "Mother and baby — everyone — is wonderful, fine." Within minutes of receiving word of the happy news, homemaker/former movie star Ben Affleck was on the phone with hearty good wishes, as well as a generous offer to make himself available for any questions or problems that may arise in the coming months. Damon soon found that he had to awkwardly remove himself from the conversation, however, once Affleck starting going all new-parent-geek on him, droning on about the exciting new advances in breast-pump technology, and a website that lets you customize your own Baby Björns, "down to the color of the stitching, man!"

Last night, hundreds of thousands of local Entourage fans gathered at viewing parties all over L.A. celebrating the show's third season premiere (what, you didn't go to one?), where they patiently waited for Johnny Drama and Turtle's pussy-chasing misadventures to carry them offscreen long enough for Jeremy Piven to engage in the hugging-out-of-bitches and deliver a tongue-twisting monologue sending up the industry's self-interested heartlessness. In yesterday's piece about Hollywood's continuing delight at seeing itself teased on premium cable, the LAT managed to find an agent willing to pretend to be appalled by Entourage's depiction of the baby-eating caste:

Operation K-Fed Redemption begins: On the same day TMZ posts paparazzi photos of Kevin Federline interacting with wife/meal ticket Britney Spears while actually holding his own son in his arms (and no hunky babyguards in sight), the AP is reporting that Spears has given the Today Show's Matt Lauer an exclusive interview, airing Thursday, in which she insists that her husband has been nothing less than her cornrowed, background dancing rock in her time of need:

Let the weekend box office numbers bring some sunlight into the June Gloom hanging over this dreary Monday morning:

As Seth noted on Friday, I was once again able to trick the guard stationed by my Lucite blogging prison to lean in close enough for me to chew off his tongue, steal his Gawker Media Security uniform, and briefly escape into the outside world. But like any thoroughly brainwashed Nick Denton employee, I still squandered my brief period of freedom on business, hopping on the first flight to the UK so I could personally apologize on my boss's behalf to every British citizen for potentially destroying their interest in Hello!'s exclusive first photographs of Angelina Jolie's baby. Once that task was completed, I was invited to Parliament to flip a switch that restored access to Defamer and Gawker for the UK's gossip-loving population. I was told that "Posh and Becks" were on hand at the lavish ceremony, but as an ugly American, I had no idea that these were people and not unappetizing pub food. I learned so very much on my mission of peace.

· We gaze upon the Chosen One. Her short life is already rife with incident. Having fled Namibia just in time, might we soon see her at The Grove?
· The Week in Paris Hilton Automotive Crime: Displacing the handicapped. Fleeing from accidents.
· Even Batman thinks Superman's gay.
· Fox spreads evil across our skies, hoping to nudge up The Omen's tracking. And son of the Devil, it worked.
· Lindsay Lohan has many, many lovers and knows many, many designers.
· Marc Anthony loves Jennifer Lopez so much, he wants all of the executives in Hollywood to know it.
· We don't care if Hunky Poppins isn't single. Kevin Federline can not be happy about this.
· Some Hollywood-types think Tom Cruise should take an extended vacation. We just can't wait to see his amazing voice work in Cars!
· Disney makes a killing selling Rabid Dog Chow.
· It's hard to really pick sides in the Piven Vs. Dorff Bathroom Line Smackdown.
· Farewell, power corridor. We hardly knew ye.

· Everyone who has hundreds of millions of dollars and entire careers riding on the fact that Superman is not gay would like you to know that Superman is not gay. (PS Happy Pride, Supey!)
· Al Gore, every day we love you more and more.
· It's Hunky Poppins' probably fake MySpace page! Oh, Hunky P., we will gladly be your friend. You're way hotter than Nanny McMoleface.
· Tasmanian She-Executive and former E! honcho Mindy Herman resurfaces, hoping to claw her way back to the top with a MySpace knockoff, creatively named "MyTime.com." (Last item.)
· Do your part to ascend the Hasselhoff.
· Sir, your balloon-sculpting skills are required immediately in Malibu, CA. [via B3ta]

Friday
· Friday night music: Josh Ritter at the El Rey, The English Beat at Hollywood Park, Film School and Silversun Pickups are at the Echo, and Tommy Keene is at Spaceland.
· Director John Moore will not let one bad experience scare him away from Q&A's: Join him after a screening of his remake of The Omen at the Arclight to answer any lingering questions you may have about jackal skeletons, suicidal babysitters, and the like.
· The Beverly Center is hosting a "Friday Night Wine Tasting Under the Stars" on their 8th Floor terrace. Pair that with Beverly Center bar The Wave, and you got the most alcoholic-friendly mall in America. Cheers!
Saturday
· Get your McSweeney's on at "The World, Explained" at the Barnsdall Art Park, Municipal Gallery, where Davy Rothbart and friends will make your life immeasurably better using only "slides, charts, and a few primary sources."
· A way inside the Magic Castle: Kids in the Hall's Dave Foley hosts "An Evening of Magic" fundraiser for Nurtury preschool. Card tricks and one of the Sizzler Sisters—we've died and gone to heaven.
· Time to dress up in all the colors of the beachball and be proud! Cece Peniston, Thelma Houston, Animotion and The Bangles perform at the first night of the 2006 LA Pride, by the Pacific Design Center in West Hollywood.
Sunday
· The 15th annual Los Feliz Village Street Fair takes over Hillhurst.
· The Gay Pride march sashays down Santa Monica Blvd. at 11 a.m., with performances later that night by Berlin and Bow Wow Wow. It just won't be the same without last year's Grand Marshals, Paris Hilton and her mother.

We knew there was a reason the African wildlife-modified manger scene in our front yard was shimmering extra luminously. In yet another World! Exclusive!, TMZ.com is reporting that the Chosen One is, beyond the shadow of a doubt, probably certainly among us already:

A Defamer operative sent in this report, and accompanying photographic evidence, of CBS' valiant attempt at thinking outside of the "full-page ad in Variety" box for their CSI Emmy consideration promotional campaign:

Let us take a moment of silence to express our deep gratitude for all the wonderful luxuries readily available to us that we regularly take for granted, such as the products, and/or services of our beloved sponsors. If you would like to help shield the world from suffering by advertising with us, everything you need to know is right here.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Chad Lowe smiling.

· Variety assumes Cars will be this weekend's top earner, but wonders if it will beat any box office records, particularly when parents start warning each other of the dark, autopian vision of its ending: [SPOILER!] That the reason it's devoid of any humans is because they're all being ground up for fuel in subterranean farms. [Variety]
· Steven Spielberg tells Sunday Morning Shootout that Paramount was his second choice for DreamWorks' buyout, and that he "would love to go off and make a picture like Capote or George Clooney's Good Night, and Good Luck,"stopping himself before saying, "You know, movies that earn their Oscars, rather than getting nominations because I'm, like, Steven Spielberg." [Variety]
· Former Friends writer and Will & Grace showrunner Greg Malins is joining How I Met Your Mother, where he will school the show's green creators Craig Thomas and Carter Bays on the proper way to describe a blowjob to the writers' room. [Variety]
· Reese Witherspoon's husband is in negotiations to star as the lead in director Kimberly Peirce's first feature since Boys Don't Cry, the Iraq war drama, Stop-Loss. [THR]
· Ratings are up for the NBA finals over last year, with the boost's source suspected of coming from overcompensating, straight men feeling the urge to catch the nearest game after being subjected to an inescapable week of Brandon Routh's suberbulge. [THR]

When word spread yesterday that Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, and their little bundle of global-savior joy, Shiloh Nouvel, might soon be returning from Namibia to our local shores, we didn't spend much time asking why. There was far too much hosanna singing and "Welcome Home, Chosen One" giant-banner preparation to attend to for us to waste what precious time we had left wondering what might be hastening the trinity's return from their African love paradise. Not for the NY Times, however, who report that the "mystery disease" that popped up around the time of the birth and killed three is no longer a mystery: it's polio. And it's a full-fledged outbreak.

Not a day after we noted blank-brained heiress Paris Hilton's propensity for occupying the handicapped spot outside Matt Leinart's apartment complex, comes this stultifying footage from TMZ.com of Hilton hitting a car with her Range Rover in a Robertson Blvd. parking structure, then peeling off as cameras captured the entire event:

Hello, folks. Just a note to let you know Mark is away until Monday on important business (something about an International Miata Owner's Convention in Phoenix—I didn't press him too much on the details). So once again, it's just the other guy with you today. Mark's coterie of personal tipsters, make sure to Cc: me. Everyone else—hang in there. Your weekend of avoiding proud Gays and their shameful acts of public merriment-making is soon here. -Seth

Yesterday, we shared a gallery of adorable, celebrity-inspired characters from Pixar's much anticipated Cars, in theaters today. The slide show left one car out, however: Tim Cruz, one of Lightning McQueen's most ferocious raceway rivals, whose celebrity voice goes uncredited ("by request of the actor," according to the press materials). Tim's big, gleaming grill tends to unsettle the other competitors, as does his insistence on foregoing the help of a pit crew; citing their "dangerous street mechanics," he instead relies on a regimen of gas tank vitamin supplements. He can usually be seen accompanied by another character, Elroy Hibbard, a menacing white van whose windshield eyes are masked by heavy tinting.

I'd like to thank Chris Nolan, who directed Batman Begins. I want to thank him for getting rid of those bloody nipples, and for giving the Dark Knight back some dignity...