Monday Morning Box Office: 'Cars' Joylessly Performs To Pixar Blockbuster Expectation
Let the weekend box office numbers bring some sunlight into the June Gloom hanging over this dreary Monday morning:
1. Cars—$62.8 million
No trenchant blog analysis of the weekend box office would be complete without noting that Cars' completely expected big opening extended Pixar's streak of consecutive blockbusters to an amazing thirty-seven. Huzzah for monotonous success! But as thrilled as we are that Disney will be able to make payroll this week, we're far more excited for the company's apparent adoption of Warner Bros.' revolutionary "seven-day weekend", as a distribution executive tells Box Office Mojo about their plans for the coming days: "On Monday, 61 percent of kids are out of school, then a week from Monday, 81 percent. That's the great thing about the summer—it's not just about the weekend. The week takes on the aura of being a seven-day playdate." And to make sure that no potential moviegoer aged 4 to 10 is left behind during this crucial extended release window , the Disney-Pixar team plans to dispatch a Cars street team to the nation's elementary schools, where children just dismissed on summer break will be snared with butterfly nets in parking lots, shuttled to the nearest multiplex, and offered the opportunity to use their leftover milk money to buy tickets "if they ever want to see their parents again."
2. The Break-Up—$20.5 million
We were away for a couple of days, but it appears that The Break-Up's early success has allowed the messy public dissolution of Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston's relationship to be bumped back to the DVD release.
3. X:Men: The Last Stand—$15.55 million
Last night at the Chateau Marmont, humble, record-breaking director Brett Ratner could be overheard boasting to a group of cocktail waitresses that "Steven Spielberg has never directed either a Rush Hour or X-Men movie, while I have done, like, ten of them."
4. The Omen—$15.45 million
Knowing that The Omen is clearly in its box office decline after a Satan-assisted opening day, Fox has quickly abandoned its cynical interest in the occult, and janitorial workers on the Fox lot this morning can be seen dumping tubs full of leftover promotional baby blood into open storm drains.
5. Over the Hedge—$10.301 million
DreamWorks Animation has announced that the Special Director's Edition of the Over the Hedge DVD will feature a version in which the movie's assortment of wisecracking woodland creatures has been replaced by talking automobiles.