As entertaining as the world's most famous, faux-Kazakh cultural videographer is, credit must also be given to his many duped foils, whose dumbfounded, slow-burn reaction shots add another essential element to the Borat magic. But how, after several seasons of the pranks being aired nationally on HBO's Da Ali G show, does Sacha Baron Cohen still succeed in finding unwitting victims to be Borat'd? Newsweek tracked down some of the film's deeply reluctant stars to find out:

This just in: Network executives are impatient, either cancelling or giving full-season orders to shows based only on a couple of weeks of ratings data. [Variety]
It's nice to see Mira Sorvino breaking out of TV movie jail and getting a part in an Actual Feature Film, joining Mark Ruffalo, Joaquin Phoenix, and Jennifer Connelly in Reservation Road. (And we're so proud of ourselves for not ruining the moment by perving on Connelly, which would be completely inappropriate on Sorvino's big day.) [THR]
New MTV FIlms/Nickelodeon Movies president Scott Aversano's bloody housecleaning claims 16, with "several" others getting reshuffled elsewhere within the MTV family. [Variety]
ABC signs Bonnie Somerville to a talent-holding deal. Yeah, we had no idea who she was until we ran her through IMDb either, but we're sure it's money well spent. [THR]
Warner Bros. TV's "low-cost" Horizon Television unit signs American Idol judge Randy Jackson's production company to a multiyear deal, hoping that Jackson's ability to discern amateur singing performance that he's "totally feeling, bro," from ones he's "not feeling, dawg" translates into a knack for developing TV shows. [Variety]

Kudos to the Paramount execs who have thumbed their noses at the conventional Hollywood wisdom that "younger equals better," and renewed veteran Entertainment Tonight anchor Mary Hart for a "multiyear contract." However, her bosses have demanded that she seek immediate surgical intervention to reverse the troublesome "monkey jowels" that afflict fiftysomething entertainment news anchors who wait too long in between facelifts.

Today's NY Times' looks at the strategy that Warner Bros. executives are embracing going forward from the bomb-strewn summer (Superman Returns, Lady in the Water, The Ant Bully, and, of course, Poseidon) that's left the studio in sixth place at the box office this year: tucking their heads between their knees and hoping that one of their "smaller" movies (like, say, that little Scorsese flick) performs above expectations, buying them enough job security to make it to next year's guaranteed blockbuster, Harry Potter. In the story, shellshocked-but-resolute WB muckity-mucks Jeff Robinov and Alan Horn lament that people have harped on their higher-profile disasters, while ignoring all the money they've proudly lost on lower-budgeted projects:

Feel better about your life this Monday morning with your latest Anna Nicole update, in an easy-to-digest, round-up format:
· About 50 of Daniel Smith's relatives, including his father Billy Smith, took it upon themselves to take the first appropriate step since his death and gather at the First Baptist Church of Mexia, Tex., pop. 6000, for a largely false-eyelash-free (but big-haired) memorial service. Most of the attendees hadn't seen Daniel since he was a young kid who loved horses and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And even though Anna Nicole nor David's body were present at the memorial, we're confident the business-savvy, grieving mom will find a way to sell the exclusive photos to the highest bidder. [People.com]
· The Scoop notes that the swiftness with which Anna Nicole was whisked through the Bahamian immigration system to become a full citizen—three weeks—has caused something of a local uproar. Amazing what you can get done with an alleged $10,000 check (or 1/100 of one People photo sale) delivered to the home of the Bahamas' immigration minister. [MSNBC.com]
· Debra Opri and Ron Rale, the attorneys for Larry Birkhead and Smith, respectively, are facing off in the media, with Opri's open appeals for a paternity test on behalf of her client eliciting the following response from Rale: "I will not discuss what was or was not said in chambers, but I do not believe Ms. Opri should make such comments to the press." To which he then added, "And just to make sure we're clear on this, I'm Anna Nicole's lawyer lawyer, not her 'creepy dude who exchanged nonbinding vows with her on a catamaran' lawyer." [ETOnline]

We realize that it might be a little early on a Monday morning to wrap your still-weekending minds around the latest paparazzi-derived photographic evidence of Paris Hilton's recreational drug use, but here we are, confronted anew by a photo of the suspicious contents of Hilton's handbag at a Milan fashion show. Before you jump to ill-informed judgments about what the plastic baggie in this picture might contain, please allow designated Hilton Media-Brainwasher Elliot Mintz to assert the inherent unreliability of photo-driven gossip items:

Celebrate this Columbus Day like you would any other Monday: by drowning out the sorrows of another seemingly endless week of indentured servitude with the box office numbers:

· A slight oversight by the THR photo department leads to Focus Features' Jack Foley getting some strange looks in the mailroom. Further confusion ensues.
· If you're feeling up to it, hop back on board the Anna-Go-Round. Just be prepared to get sick.
· We shall never know what sorts of mangled silverware Garbage Disposal Resistant Girl saves in the future, as her adventures are cut short by a lawsuit against NBC.
· Robin Williams rides his dark journey of the soul for all it's worth. (Probably won't help.)
· Similarly, so do Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn.
· Tori Spelling making yet more Spellings.
· Are studios going to keep pumping out animated animal movies as long as they keep making money? Does a CGI bear shit vectors in the woods?
· Paris Hilton gets her assflap kicked, and other Hyde adventures.
· Madonna is a wonderful person.
· Michael Bay: The Michelangelo of making people cry with a bullhorn.
· Jim Carrey gets his mojo back after dumping his latest project before it could dump him.
· The creators of Nip/Tuck enact the most diabolical revenge on a difficult actor in history.
· Caution: You are entering manboob country.

· Someone at The Office thought it would be cute to get the cast and crew to do a dramatic reading of Jenna "Pam" Fischer's recent "10 Things You Don't Know About Women" piece for Esquire. And you know what? It's pretty damn cute. Especially the stuff about getting blown by Lindsay Lohan.
· If you're 16 and famous and get knocked up by your 19-year-old boyfriend, is it a mistake, or are you just mature and trying to get a head start on raising a family?
· Pittsburghians might be a little too touchy if they actually give a shit about what Sienna Miller thinks of their city.
· You know what? If you have to unhinge your jaw to eat a burger, it's too fucking big. [via Tabloid Baby]
· Malawi's attention whore officials are really sticking to their adoption story, even though Madonna's publicist says she has no plans to wrap up one of their babies in magic red string and take it home.

Friday
· Music round-up: Darker My Love plays the Echo, Rob Dickinson is at the Hotel Cafe, the Killers succumb to their inner-Vegasness at the Wiltern and Mariah Carey moves as little as humanly possible on the Staples Center stage.
· The Fake Gallery hosts The Blaine-In, an evening of comedians playing music. A welcome opportunity for anyone who's long felt the urge to laugh loudly and openly at coffee-house folk music culture. Featuring Craig Anton, Rita D'Albert, Charles Ezell, Jim Earl, Ileen Goldsmith, Ray James, Danny Kinsella, Paul Kozlowski, Matthew Lawton, Jon Manfrelotti, Linda Pine, Mark Rivers and Kurt Weitzman.
Saturday
· Don your hippest undead-wear and drag yourself to the LA Zombie Walk in search of nourishing brains. (The route ends at Sunset and Fairfax, so plan on going hungry.)
· The 1st Annual LA Weekly Detour Music Festival invades downtown, with Beck, Basement Jaxx and Queens of the Stone Age headlining, with DJ sets by VHS or Beta, Shapard Fairey, and more.
· For those who will never forgive Queens of the Stone Age for appearing on Pepsi Smash, there's the thoroughly indie Eagle Rock Music Festival on Colorado Blvd. between Eagle Rock Blvd. and Argus, featuring Jesca Hoop, Eleni Mandell, Monsters Are Waiting and Bodies of Water.
Sunday
· The Album Leaf play the Troubadour, and Califone is at Spaceland.
· Authors Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman read from their book Yiddish with George and Laura at the Skirball Center, with the phlegmatic language opening up a whole new universe of vocabulary-mangling opportunities for the President.
· Curb Your Enthusiasm's Jeff Garlin hosts his weekly comedy variety show, Jeff Garlin's Combo Platter at the UCB theater, tonight featuring the voice of Flushed Away's rodent gourmand, Patton Oswalt.

Before you all bolt your desks for the sweet, sweet freedom of the weekend, let's wrap up today's blind item guessing game. But before moving on to your guesses, take another lap around One Unsisterly Blind Vice:

Because reality television personality and South Floridian land baron Donald Trump had occasionally hosted disgraced, would-be page-diddler Mark Foley at his Palm Beach Mar-a-Lago resort (which we've heard is the greatest and most luxurious resort in the entire world, and possibly constructed entirely of solid gold) at various social functions, The Donald was recently put in the uncomfortable position of having to decry the former Congressman's unsavory behavior. Trump, never one to shy from any recording device pointed in his direction, did more than just offer the obligatory shock and outrage over his sometime guest's actions; not only did he insinuate that Mar-a-Lago's specially trained guard dogs would be given a whiff of a cocktail napkin Foley once handled to guarantee that any attempt at future party-crashing would be met with a highly prejudicial Doberman mauling, he went on to express his unequivocal distaste for the taboo practice of boy-kissing:

It's not that difficult to conceive that serial tongue-assailant Andy Dick has fathered a child at some point during the 25-year, pansexual blackout that is his adult life. What kind of parent he might be to his 18-year-old son is another matter entirely: For example, according to NY Daily News JV Gossip Lloyd Grove, young Lucas was illegally consuming alcohol under the approving gaze of his overly lenient father:

According to the AP, CBS has announced that it's yanking Smith off the air, making the aborted series the holder of the largely semantic distinction of being the first new fall show cancelled. To show just how serious they are about the break-up, CBS has already scrubbed Smith from the primetime show lists and schedule on its site (see our attached illustration of where it used to live), though they haven't gotten around to changing the timeslot information on its individual page. On a more positive note, those who might have trouble to adjusting to Ray Liotta's premature exit from the airwaves can still visit him in Innertube limbo by clicking on the actor's somber face on the CBS homepage, momentarily streaming themselves back to the happy time before impatient programming executives decided to pull the plug on his Nielsen respirator.

Please join us in celebrating the unbreakable bond we share with this week's sponsors, a relationship based only on mutual respect and all-consuming passion, not on the cynical advancement of our careers or the promotion of an upcoming movie. If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and feel the heat of our love, see this page.

Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes production company signs a three- year deal with Rogue Pictures, enabling the shingle's sacred mission of producing completely unnecessary, ill-advised remakes of beloved horror films on the cheap. [Variety]
Google is reportedly in talks to buy YouTube for $1.6 billion, eager to take on the challenge of defending a newly acquired online property from billions of dollars in copyright infringement lawsuits. [THR]
NBC gives Heroes, its hybrid superhero drama/instructional garbage disposal safety series, a full season pick-up. Meanwhile, the network might stash less-successful newcomer Kidnapped on Saturday nights, where no one will notice when it's quietly cancelled. [THR]
With the costs of television series always increasing, the networks look to bleed international TV buyers of every last Euro to help keep themselves rolling in cash. [Variety]
Universal buys the rights to the NY Times article "In College Football, Big Paydays for Humiliation" for Jack Black to produce, the story of football teams who accept huge sums of money to have their asses kicked by more successful programs. The eventual movie, it should go without saying, "would be a lighthearted take." [THR]

Browsing the latest Worth 1000 Photoshop contest that challenges participants to take the fanciful leap of imagination required to render some of the world's biggest female stars as anorexics (whoever submitted the Nicole Kidman entry really should have been disqualified for lazily adding barely a brushstroke), we were struck by how much the Jessica Alba-with-a-meth-habit "after" submission was evocative of contemporary Teri Hatcher portraiture. It should be a comfort to Alba knowing that long after she has tumbled off the "must" lists and descended into a decade-and-a-half-long tailspin at the crusty bottom of a glass pipe, our love of a good comeback will always ensure that Hollywood's door will forever remain, for lack of a better turn of phrase, cracked open.

It wasn't that long ago that Paramount announced that it was "restructuring" and "upgrading" its MTV Films and Nickelodeon Movies production companies inside The Happiest Studio on Earth and handing them over to producer Scott Aversano. This morning, though, we're hearing that new president Aversano's "upgrade" involved the shitcanning of everyone in those two divisions who was hired before he took over (except MTV's director of development). In the interest of making this latest ritualistic sacrifice on the Melrose lot sound a little less gruesome, we're told that most people knew it was coming (really, who doesn't see the bloody writing on the wall after "restructuring" news) and that many have been reassimilated into the corporate Borg. More information/press releases/official updates as they become available, but in the meantime, Happy Paramount Layoff Friday!

Vincent Libretti, Project Runway's 401k-cashing, misunderstood sartorial genius and onetime victim of a P.A.-enacted laundry crime hinted on the show's recent reunion episode about his displeasure with the rash of disparaging "blogspots" currently plaguing the internet. He went so far as to finger St. Runway himself, Tim Gunn, as being one of his jealous, petty detractors, who used his blog to help fuel a growing online conspiracy bent on painting Libretti as a delusional hack with a God complex, as opposed to the fashion visionary who started the now white-hot trend of gluing spangles to a salad bowl and calling it a hat. Realizing that there's hardly enough time in one 60-minute special to really express his unique point of view, BravoTV.com has done him the favor of allowing him to further vent on the blogspot scourge:

Wherein we invite our heretical readers to tie themselves to humpy E! gossip-Grand Inquisitor Ted Casablanca's wooden stake and submit to the purifying flames of his righteous blind items. Submitted for your guessing game pleasure is today's installment of the continuing, coke-flecked tale of recurring Casablanca character Morgan Mayhem (yes, again, but who could get tired of someone this lovable?), whose allegedly escalating drug habit somehow hasn't alleviated her behavioral problems, but has done wonders in releasing her Sapphic, exhibitionist traits. Close you eyes and allow One Unsisterly Blind Vice to wash over you: