Confirming the earlier DHD report that HBO's Chris Albrecht was, in the words of an insider, "toast," Variety now says that corporate parent Time Warner will soon announce that it's given the embattled, rehabbing executive "the boot." Brace yourselves for a press release short on colorful firing metaphors, but long on talk about how the company hopes the surrender of his job will give Albrecht the time to get the help he needs.

Sons of Hollywood, A&E's reality series following the exploits of three real-life Entourage-esque boneheads, was reported as canceled last week, a disappointing detour for the short-lived series that left its dozens of fans frustrated at the many questions it left unanswered. Would Sean Stewart ever release that hit record inspired by the sounds of Panic Against the Disco Machine? We may never know. Meanwhile, an incident in which Stewart hurled rocks and punches at a couple outside a Hollywood party played no factor in the network's decision, according to an A&E spokesperson. (The couple is now suing Stewart over the attack.)

· Music round-up: Kristin Hersh at the El Rey, Sage Francis at Amoeba; Mother Mother at Spaceland.
· If you were impressed by yesterday's "get" of Carmen Electra, get ready to faint in delight as we non-exclusively reveal that Kanye West will be dropping by the Borders in Westwood in just a few hours.
· Michael Chabon will chat about his new book, The Yiddish Policeman's Union ("a hardboiled detective novel set in an alternate world where Israel failed to be born and millions of European Jewish refugees took shelter in Alaska, creating a miniature American Yiddishland"), with LAT film critic Kenneth Turan at the Central Library.

If this morning's reports of previous workplace lady problems and secret HBO settlements weren't enough to ruin CEO-in-hasty-absentia Chris Albrecht's day (pictured at left in happier. pre-mugshot times), the LAW's Nikki Finke's afternoon item claiming that the executive has an ankling in his very near future ought to do the trick. We're not up on our corporate crisis-management lingo, but whatever "toast" means, it doesn't sound very positive. Reports Finke:

Proving that its emergency preparedness program is unquestionably the finest in Hollywood—yes, it even shames that of hyper-vigilant ICM—the Church of Scientology sprung into action following news that the spread of the Griffith Park wildfires necessitated the evacuation of many adjacent Los Feliz homes, dispatching their top Level VII Celebrity Disaster Response Tech to make sure residents knew to immediately flee the area. Reports the LAT Breaking News blog:

Queen Elizabeth II, fresh off her triumphant trip to her semi-retarded former colony, has invited her Academy-Award-winning portraitist (and occasional Defamer forbidden lust object) Helen Mirren to dine with her at Buckingham Palace. Reports spread quickly that Mirren turned the invitation down, for the rather unregal excuse that the actress was unable to escape the South Dakota shoot of the much-unanticipated next installment in the Bruckheimerian scavenger hunt series, National Treasure: Book of Secrets. Now, via a message tied to the leg of a carrier pigeon branded with the logo of a leading Hollywood P.R. firm, comes Mirren's own official explanation of the royal regrets:

This just in from an operative reporting on ICM's attempts to keep its employees prepared for the improbable eventuality that the destructive flames of the Griffith Park wildfires reach their new, relatively underwhelming Century City headquarters:

· The Weinstein Co. (with help from their besties at Lionsgate) will release Michael Moore's documentary Sicko on July 29th, which should do for America's health care system what Bowling for Columbine did for a senile-seeming, rifle-loving Charlton Heston. [Variety]
· Hollywood Out Of Ideas, Even In The Prehistoric Past And Distant Future Edition: Robert Rodriguez is in talks to direct a live-action feature adaptation of The Jetsons, and has also met with Universal about Will Ferrell's adaptation of Land of the Lost. [THR]
· Universal lands its second Serious Actor for its The Incredible Hulk project, as Tim Roth is in negotiations to play Hulk antagonist Abomination and spend long hours discussing how best to portray the emotional torment of gamma-wave-poisoning sufferers in the context of a superhero film. [Variety]
· FX may pay up to $40 million for the TV rights to Spider-Man 3 for five years, but only once it completes it pay-cable run on Starz. [THR]
· Var TV critic and Entourage nemesis Brian Lowry is amused that his HBO stand-in, who'll be harassed by an aggrieved Johnny Drama in an upcomnig episode shot in the paper's offices, has an assistant. [Variety]

We're always up for checking in with theorist Camille Paglia, whose column in Salon.com (ad view req'd) bounces from topic to topic like a post-feminist superball ricocheting off the walls of popular culture. In the current edition, she weighs in with her thoughts on everything from the Democratic presidential debates to the Virginia Tech tragedy to the lack of well-written roles for African-Americans on All My Children. But it's her staunchly pro-Trumpian take on the subject of Rosie O'Donnell we chose to single out for special recognition:

The media shitstorm in which HBO CEO Chris Albrecht finds himself since his early Sunday domestic violence arrest in Vegas has not diminished in filthy intensity since Tuesday afternoon's announcement that he's headed off to rehab, as today brings a new wave of reports hinting that no hastily scheduled AA vacation will be long enough for this to blow over:

Ignoring party-positive stage mom Dina Lohan's obvious on-camera charisma and agreeable red-carpetside manner, today's Page Six claims that Entertainment Tonight might only have engaged her services to penetrate troubled daughter Lindsay's anti-media defenses:

In the continuation of an annual ritual that has become the Writers Guild's version of Groundhog Day, WGA West president Patric Verrone has finally emerged from his Third Street burrow to publicly flip through the pages of the 2007 Hollywood Writers Report on diversity, and, discovering that minority writers have made "scant progress" since last year's holiday, quickly retreated back inside, indicating that we're in for 12 more months of disproportionate white male representation in the scribe sector. We won't bore you with the statistics, but know that if you're a Caucasian with a penis and a copy of Final Draft, things are still looking pretty good for you.

· Even more than the original that inspired it, we blame this video for the loss of David Hasselhoff's visitation rights.
· Also pretty disturbing: This photo of Cate Blanchett.
· Nearly as unappetizing: the French Spider-Man cheeseburger.
· And don't even go there, sez Chloe!
· Now that you mention it: What's up with the ball-gag?

As Shrek, DreamWorks' Great Green Hope for a profitable summer, continues to find himself the bearer of mixed nutritional messages aimed at the roly-poly youth of America, corporate partner/child-obesity public enemy #1 McDonald's has found a workable solution that will allow kids to indulge in guilt-free Shrek Happy Meal snacking:

· Music round-up: Black Rebel Motorcyle Club at the Wiltern; Midnight Movies at Amoeba; Joseph
Arthur and the Lonley Astronauts with Stars of Track and Field at the Roxy.
· General-use famous person Carmen Electra will be at the Borders in Westwood to hold forth on the topic of sexiness. No, really. What, you thought she'd be reading from a compilation of her New Yorker poetry?
· Zombie! Double! Feature! It's Night of the Living Dead 3D (from 2006) and Dawn of the Dead (2004 remake) at the New Beverly.

We wish we could say there were a lesson to be learned from tough guy methhead Tom Sizemore's inability to stray very far from the glass pipe, but with an astounding nine upcoming projects listed on his IMdB page, we're beginning to wonder if an insurmountable crystal habit isn't exactly what every down-in-the-dumps former Hollywood contender needs in order to stay productive enough to make the month's car and mortgage payments. Of course, you'll always be running the risk of arrest, even when you're doing nothing but minding your business, gnawing on your own cheek in a parked car:

The skies over Hollywood have once again darkened in Apocalyptic fashion, as a dramatic fire is currently consuming the dangerously dry brush in Griffith Park; but rather than ascribe this new conflagration to Divine retribution for fresh show business sins, given the events of Friday, it's hard not to think that either the rapidly mobilizing Paris Liberation Front or the publicity-craving No Pardon For Paris Movement will soon claim responsibility for the blaze.

There's nothing like the unexpected jailing of a beloved icon to inspire activism on the part of the teeming, internet-enabled masses, as petitions alternately seeking to set free Paris Hilton or make sure she serves every last minute of those 45 days have been propagating online. While we're still a little disappointed that pro-Hilton forces still haven't expressed their outrage with a cathartic riot, here's a round-up pointing you to various places where you can join up with a grassroots movement that will ultimately be ignored:

As heralded just a little while ago in an internal e-mail circulating through the company that sounded suspiciously like a press release, HBO CEO Chris Albrecht is taking the time-honored route of following up an embarrassing personal incident with a quick trip to rehab (it's worked so well for Mel, Britney, and Lindsay lately), where he'll battle the alcohol-fueled demons that resurfaced in the MGM Grand's valet lot this weekend. There's no timetable given as yet for Albrecht's return from the leave of absence, but one hopes that the usual 28 days will be long enough for the public's memory of that unflattering mugshot, and for his own pain over the emotionally devastating end of The Sopranos, to fade.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so if lady luck should happen to gift you with one, don't squander it: Write it up and send it in! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you took silent inventory of Ryan Gosling's Downtown YMCA workout routine.