· Universal Pictures extends its 21-year marriage with Imagine Entertainment, signing a five-year deal that gives the studio first-look access to the fascinating contents of superproducer Brian Grazer's mind through 2013, and which ends a rumored flirtation with those homewreckers at Paramount. [Variety]
· The AMPTP has issued a clarification about its recent "let's nuke the residuals system" musings, a proposal that the Writers Guild is expected to dismiss as merely "crazy," a downgrade from yesterday's "batshit insane." [THR]

A tipster alerts us to some potentially exciting news on this Friday morning: Taking advantage of a day off for the Paramount and DreamWorks personnel who might prevent such a breach from occurring, someone has leaked details of the plot for Transformers 2, the planned 2009 follow-up that will finally free the blockbuster franchise from its nonsequel ghetto, to IMDb. We highly recommend that anyone hoping to be surprised two summers hence not read the spoilers contained above, which will likely be removed from IMdb site by the time you read these words.

So popular was Rosie O'Donnell's guest starring stint on Nip/Tuck—which included an infamous sex scene on a zebra-skin rug that inspired a great many viewers to blind themselves on the nearest coffee-table corner and/or coat hook—that the prospect of a fifth season of the FX drama without O'Donnell's character seemed unthinkable. Rest easy, Dawn Budge fans—more naked Rosie awaits:

Hewlett-Packard announced a color-matching mobile technology yesterday, pitching it as a tool for picking the perfect makeup for a given skin-tone using a color index and a mobile phone. Here are some other uses they considered and wisely rejected.

Despite promises from Sheriff Lee "Make Sure You Get My Good Side, Would You?" Baca that probation violator Paris Hilton would receive the same treatment as any other world-famous hotel heiress sequestered from the general prison population and granted the occasional home-imprisonment sleepover, his department's Office of Independent Review is looking into internal allegations that Hilton may have received "special perks" during her stay. Reports the LAT:

Actual lyric from Harry Potter tribute band Harry and the Potters: "I got a mysterious gift from my dead dad / It was an invisibility cloak — how rad!" Actual lyric from "rival" Harry Potter tribute band Draco and the Malfoys: "You may have freed our house elf, and brought doubt to our family name/ but your parents still got toasted by a big, green, glowing flame." Other Potter tribute bands whose lyrics were not featured: Hermione and the Know-It-Alls, Weasleys Tore My Flesh, and Cho Chang and the Wandteasers. [ABC News]

On the occasion of today's release of Variety's special "Philanthropy 2007: Hollywood Begrudgingly Gives Back" issue, several agencies have purchased full page ads celebrating the good works of their employees, whose generosity of spirit has somehow survived punishing hours toiling in the industry's leading evil factories.

Every so often, the tabloid media's desperate desire to see a positive male influence enter troubled pop star Britney Spears' turbulent life gets the better of it (after all, gossip-sheet editors want nothing but her happiness), an overzealousness that results in stories of romantic attachments to any nearby Superman who might swoop down from the clouds and halt the runaway train of her post-Federline existence moments before it hurtles off a cliff. People corrects the record on recent reports that Spears and paparazzi deflector/infant deceleration specialist Daimon Shippen are, to use the parlance of our celebrity-obsessed times, "totally doing it."

· Charlie Sheen is off the market again, a development that could have serious economic ramifications for local escorts specializing in pom-pom play.
· We never thought we'd say this, but if Scary Hollywood Lawyer Marty Singer prevents us from having to see Nick Lachey's o-face, he's truly doing the Lord's work.
· TVWeek's TCA blog brings us the Cocaine-Related Valerie Bertinelli Quote of the Day.
· What can a renter do when his eastside neighbor poops too loudly? Curbed L.A. tries to find an answer.

Advancing the story of Mandy Patinkin's unexplained absence from yesterday's table read for CBS procedural Criminal Minds [Ed.note—Is that the one with David Caruso and the sunglasses or the one with Vincent D'Onofrio and the perverts? Have an intern look that up.] broken on E!'s Watch with Kristin blog, TVGuide.com's Ausiello Report says that the show's producers are retaliating by writing the actor out of their episode:

Phyllis Diller cops to the phony "broken back" story that got her out of having to appear on The Tonight Show, admitting that it was only a ruptured disk, which "still hurts, but not so bad that I can't do Letterman." [ETOnline]

When last we encountered Michael Richards, he was preparing for the last leg of his Apology Tour of late 2006, where he would meet with the individuals he famously threatened with a racially motivated, inverted forking in an attempt to finally extinguish the stubborn flames of his career immolation. But where is Richards right now? The LAT has tracked the now-retired stand-up to the very ends of the earth—to a place so remote, in fact, that Angelina Jolie has collected one of its souvenir orphans—to catch up as he tries to enjoy some head-clearing time in Cambodia:

One of the exciting side-projects bouncing around in the head of underemployed Lost casualty and happy-hour road menace Michelle Rodriguez has finally gotten off the ground: The actress is currently covering the globe in search of rich and eclectic foreign cultures she can rip off take inspiration from while designing Ishkadada, her vaguely pan-ethnic line of clothing:

· Music round-up: Delta Spirit at the Echo; Nellie McKay at Largo; Patrick Park at Spaceland; The Pity Party at the Hammer Museum.
· Graffiti artist (graffitist?) Joe Joe Webb shows off his "just old real fuckin shit this time" work at his Dope on a Rope show at Kingsbury. [via flavorpill]
· The Egyptian Theatre screens the documentary Sleepwalking Through the Mekong, which follows L.A.'s own band Dengue Fever as they tour through Cambodia. Q & A to follow with the director and band members.

We realize that between gas, parking, exorbitant ticket fees, and outrageous concession stand prices, the enjoyment of the latest chapter of your favorite fantasy film franchise can often turn into a cost-prohibitive affair. We here at Defamer are therefore more than happy to connect Harry Potter fans of limited means to those of you looking for moviegoing companionship with the potential for something more. Or, to put it more plainly, who'd like to get some hot Craigslist action for the price of a movie ticket?

If only there were some way to quantify the sexiness of famous people, sort the resulting data into a hierarchical list, and then share this information with the public... Hmmm... Oh well, someone will surely tackle this problem sooner or later. [Forbes]

Terrified by the possibility that his exposed penis might not compare favorably to that of Harry Potter, shy star Orlando Bloom will not, as rumored, remove his bits from his knickers when he takes the stage in London for In Celebration. [People]

The pitch was irresistible: "On the set of a movie that's filming, a guy gets sucked into a jet engine and actually dies!" As was body of the e-mail tease directing us to the footage Wednesday night: "This happened on set last night in sm- do you know which show/film?" No, we do not! How could such a grisly accident transpire and completely escape notice by the media? After the jump, the clip that we urge you not to watch if you are inclined to believe in the authenticity of videos that contain conveniently timed appearances of "static," cuts to black, and suspiciously combustible victims:

Kevin Federline, proud possessor of some of the most potent baby-batter in all of pimpdom, has pulled no punches in trying to negotiate custody of his children away from their increasingly unhinged mother, who will now only communicate through angry couplets scribbled into a spiral notebook and cryptic messages on her website. The National Enquirer, meanwhile, reports the "PopoZão" singer may have already found his next baby momma:

In the high-concept spirit of Liar, Liar (and in the even higher-concept spirit of a recent career cold streak in which he can no longer turn down any paycheck offered him), Jim Carrey is attached to Yes Man, the story of a guy who agrees to "every thing that comes his way." [MTV Movies Blog]