· While it seemed that Steven Spielberg had ended the race for the Democratic presidential nomination in throwing his support behind Hillary Clinton, an undeterred Barack Obama has gone above the Hollywood kingmaker's head by getting Oprah Winfrey, the beneficent daytime TV deity Herself, to host a fundraiser for him at her Montecito compound. An expected $14 billion will be raised for the Obama campaign in a single night when Winfrey commands the heavens to open up and shower bundles of hundred-dollar bills upon her chosen candidate. [Variety]
· In the short term, the stockpiling of projects in anticipation of a multi-union strike may increase the number of entertainment industry jobs, but overall, the threat of a walkout could cause an employment slowdown whether or not the guilds and producers usher in the End of Hollywood Days with a prolonged work stoppage. [THR]
· CBS sets its fall schedule, but will hold risky musical drama Viva Laughlin until October 21 in order to buy more time to figure out how the hell to market the show to inevitably confused audiences. [Variety]
· Despite having his TV show let go to make more room on the schedule for caveman-related programming, George Lopez doesn't seem to be having too much trouble finding movie work. [THR]
· Beleaguered Fox/Spielberg collaboration On The Lot now only being watched by accident. [Variety]

The shocking news that Dave Chappelle briefly checked into a local emergency room this weekend for "exhaustion," the go-to publicist excuse for suspiciously hospitalized celebrities far, far below the comedian's talent-grade, will in all likelihood invite knee-jerk speculation that another head-clearing trip to Africa is in the offing. But take heart, fans: long unburdened of the dehydration-inducing demands of huge amounts of basic-cable money, Chappelle merely succumbed to the punishing physical effects of his legendary, marathon stand-up sessions, a problem that shouldn't recur once he tightens up his set to to a more manageable three-and-a-half hours.

Despite having received the GLAAD Squeal of Approval™, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry has mostly underwhelmed critics, one of whom wrote, "[It] isn't just unfunny; it's racist, sexist and homophobic — and truly unpleasant to watch." (In fairness, we should mention that the Village Voice review declared it "as eloquent as Brokeback Mountain," and included the pull-quote ready, "This sodomite had a gay old time"— sure to become the centerpiece of the movie's print marketing campaign.) It's not just critics who find themselves offended, however: At a TCA week promotional party for NBC's fall slate, Heroes' teleporting office worker Masi Oka disapproved of Rob Schneider's turn as the fake-gay couple's slanty-eyed officiating officer. From the USA Today report:

TMZ.com's Starcatcher team, the internet's leading documentarians of the weave-scalping, paparazzi-hospitalizing atrocities being committed each night outside of Hollywood's most exclusive safe-harbors for violent insurgents, found themselves caught up in the brutality they so faithfully capture on video each night when the crew tragically wandered within pummeling range of an agitated C-lister. An excerpt from their report on a run-in with CSI star Gary Dourdan follows:

Skinny bitch: prettier, skinnier bitches need not apply for slave job. [ABC News]

Our Wednesday morning survey of Hollywood loneliness shifts from love-starved starlets to superannuated talent agents who will soon find themselves back on the market once their messy divorces are finalized. Today's Page Six evaluates Ed Limato's prospects for post-ICM happiness, noting that any agency courtship might be hampered by the fact that the septuagenarian won't be a cheap date:

Isolated by immense fame and doomed to romantic lives in which the intimacy of every promising first date is ruined by the swarms of paparazzi hoping to take photographs of their fleetingly revealed genitalia as they linger over dessert, Hollywood's hottest actresses stand little, if any, chance of finding true love in the "self-absorbed" show business world, an infernal, Alighierian circle of perpetual loneliness.

· Not only do we now have video to better illustrate yesterday's Homer vs. Ancient Fertility God post, we also have a link to this delightful animated image of what he was planning on doing with that donut. [via BoingBoing]
· Like, in the Batman movies, maybe Two-Face will actually be an evil manifestation of Harvey Dent's repressed homosexuality? [Laughs] Now, that's interesting. Sure, maybe so.
· But as far as we know, no one's yet had a chance to confront Heath Ledger about the Joker as evil manifestation of repressed homosexuality.
· We take back what we said the other day, because now Courtney Love has never looked better.

Winona Ryder graces the cover of the upcoming issue of Vogue—at 35, inching perilously close to the "As Good As Dead" demographic briefly alluded to in the fashion bible's specially themed "Age Issue." In the accompanying interview, the actress finally addresses the embarrassing 2001 incident that launched countless "Free [First Name of Guilty Celebrity Famous Enough To Avoid Regular-People Justice]" t-shirts, i.e. being caught on security cameras turning Saks Fifth Avenue into a personal, unauthorized gifting suite:

Jamie Pressly on Ugly Betty: "They're purposefully big-upping the ugly fat girl to make everybody feel great, but it also glamorizes the fact that people are getting plastic surgery because they can. It's really bizarre." We don't watch the show, so we have no idea what's she talking about (well, we know there's an "ugly" "fat" girl), but those sound like fightin' words just the same. Down with big-upping the fatties while simultaneously big-upping the plastics! Or something! [Starpulse]

Earlier today, we noted Page Six's item on how Laugh Factory regular Jon Lovitz, Hollywood's unlikliest comedy vigilante, exacted vengeance upon renegade exhibitionist Andy Dick for placing Lovitz under a highly inappropriate "Phil Hartman death-hex." Shortly after the story circulated, Lovitz appeared on SNL buddy Dennis Miller's radio show to explain the events that precipitated this now-famous beatdown; while most of the details were reported by Page Six, there's nothing like hearing the man himself marvel at the discovery of his previously untapped powers of destruction:

Hollywood's ongoing love affair with pretty boys sporting massive blue peepers and scraggly beards who star in high-grossing action/fantasy franchises showing no signs of waning. [marksimpson.com]

· Music round-up: Groove Armada does a DJ set at the Standard (downtown); Crowded House at the Troubadour; Spoon at Cinespace; Minnie Driver at the Hotel Café.
· Esquire sex columnist, onetime Daily Show correspondent, and local bon vivant Stacey Grenrock Woods will read from her new book about what it's been like to lead "a prototypically Southern California life," I, California: The Occasional History of a Child Actress/Tap Dancer/Record Store Clerk/Thai Waitress/Playboy Reject/Nightclub Booker, at Skylight Books.
· Shadowy feminist gang OBJECT hosts a Lady Party at the Echoplex, featuring music by girl-fronted Journey cover band Infinity, MC'ing by Jill Soloway, and the all-star tribute Fuck Christopher Hitchens, in which 10 female comics (Mindy Kaling, Jessi Klein, Dana & Julia) flip off the VF columnist through the magic of comedy.

Lindsay Lohan wingperson Samantha Ronson is suing Perez Hilton and CelebrityBabylon.com for $20 million over reports that the famously "usable amount" of blow cops found in Lohan's car was hers and that she was tipping off the paparazzi, accusations that could irreparably harm her DJ and hanging-out-with-famous-people careers. [ABC News]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time the presence of Judd Apatow's husky muse Seth Rogen sent shockwaves throughout a Beverly Blvd. coffee house.

Realizing that explaining the reason that Isaiah Washington has unexpectedly joined the cast of their new series was, "Because Ben Silverman knew everyone would go apeshit if we put the angry Grey's Anatomy doctor onto our show. And, by golly, Ben was right! People hate that guy!" might get them off on the wrong foot with their new boss, the executive producer of Bionic Woman was more politic in discussing why he was willing to take on the actor's prohibitively heavy baggage. Reports TVWeek.com's TCA blog:

The parade of Hollywood characters and crackpots willing to testify as to Lana Clarkson's suicidal state of mind at the time of her shooting death continues with Punkin Laughlin, aka Punkin Pie, a club promoter who considered the Barbarian Queen star her "best friend." Laughlin testified that Clarkson had told her "I don't want to live anymore, I don't want to live in this town, I want to end it," less than a week before her death. Today, the cross-examination accused Laughlin of having changed her tune considerably. From the LAT report:

"From: Ben Silverman
To: Jennifer Aniston
Subject: Dinner

Today's Page Six was downright Tarantinian in its descriptions of Jon Lovitz's attack on Andy Dick last week: "Jon picked Andy up by the head and smashed him into the bar four or five times, and blood started pouring out of his nose," said the owner of the Laugh Factory. But hark! Last night, there was Andy Dick on University Place, right by Washington Square Park, says a spy. SO HOW WAS HIS MANGLED FACE? "It looked fine, actually," reports the Dick-watcher. "I was just reading that bit of gossip and wondering why he didn't have a bruised face myself. I'm positive it was him though." Hmm. Maybe Andy Dick is a mutant with super-fast face-healing powers? "This all makes spotting Andy Dick a lot more interesting than it would otherwise be, frankly," said our gawker. Apparently Jon Lovitz doesn't have a MySpace or whatever so we won't find out the truth for a while.

If you've been waiting to read a story about how Sienna Miller is teaming up with a Bollywood star to combat global warming, today's your lucky day! [AP]