· Thandie Newton's knuckles: bulimia's hidden victims.
· An unspecified illness causes Sydney Pollack to pull out of Recount. His replacement: Jay Roach, who promises to bring some Austin Powers-style, genitalia-obscuring levity to HBO's movie about the 2000 elections.
· Clearly, Paul Allen was more pissed about turning Bumblebee from a VW Bug to a Camaro than he initially let on.
· The dog-mauling victim at Ving Rhames's house has now been identified, and this story gets officially reclassified from Mysterious/Deeply Disturbing to Slightly Less Mysterious/No Less Disturbing.
· And finally, we not-so-proudly (NSFW!) present Kurt Russell's (seriously...NSFW!) wang.

Because, well, it's just been that kind of a day, we thought we'd offer up this clip of Kelly Ripa, accompanied by Queer Eye for the Straight Guy's Chief Zhuzher Carson Kressley, giving the play-by-play as one brave karaoke soldier named Suresh Joachim attempts the world record for marathon karaoke singing. (It's 25:45:00, if you happen to be chronically unemployed and possess the heart of a champion.) We weren't sure at first why Ripa and an uncharacteristically mute Kressley seemed more exhausted than Joachim himself, until we heard the opening notes to his rendition of Richard Marx's shmaltz-lite classic, "Right Here Waiting," and suddenly, what little blood was still flowing to our brains quickly drained before the room faded to white. As always: enjoy.

"I was still working there while it was airing," he tells me over lunch. "Boy, was that surreal. The guests were freaking out. They were like, 'I can't believe it's you! You have to take a picture!' He gestures to an imaginary plate. "And I was like, Uh, I have this tray." [New York]

The producers of My Big Fat Greek Wedding—the 2002 indie comedy which struck a chord with audiences the world over who simply couldn't get enough of the many Windex-salving idiosyncrasies of an extended Greco-American family—are suing Gold Circle Films, the film's production company, for withholding profits. From THR Esq.:

It was Michelle Pfeiffer's turn today to be immortalized on the legendary Hollywood Walk of Fame, ensuring that generations can pilgrimage to the urine-glazed sidewalk altar and pay homage to the enduring star who once bravely faced Coolio down in a school room music video showdown. But as the actress was besieged by fans eager to have their Pfeiffer memorabilia autographed, one item amidst the flurry of Scarface posters and Grease 2 soundtracks left her with a temporary case of career amnesia. From The WOW Report:

· Music round-up: Manic is at the Echo, Low vs. Diamond are at Spaceland, Jason Isbell plays the Troubadour, and Run Run Run are at the Viper Room.
· Science writer Gordy Slack presents from his book The Battle Over the Meaning of Everything, about the Dover, PA "intelligent design" monkey trial, at Vroman's.
· The Hammer Museum's monthly screenings presents Manda Bala (translation: Send A Bullet), from Errol Morris protégé Jason Kohn, an "exposé on violent crime and government corruption in Brazil today." [via LA Weekly]
· Karen Kilgariff, Louis CK, and Andy Kindler play a comedy all-stars triple-header at Largo.

America's Got Talent and Last Comic Standing are renewed by NBC for third and sixth seasons, respectively, ensuring the summer 2008 TV landscape will be as barren and ventriloquist-filled as 2007. [THR/Reuters]

We're not entirely sure what keeps us watching On the Lot, Fox's ratings-challenged attempt at discovering Hollywood's Next Great Tranny-Victim Director. We doubt it's the contestants' short films, however, but rather the constant tension between host Adrianna Costa's plunging necklines and her rack's ability to remain securely in place. One Defamer operative on the Westside, meanwhile, recently discovered just how badly the show's finalists want our votes:

We realize this is just a crass attempt at getting some viral marketing going for Delirious by having its star Gina Gershon show up for an interview that turns out to be a porn set, but we felt her impressive commitment to flipping the bird deserves some special recognition. [YouTube]

· GLAAD's first-ever "Network Responsibility Index" rates each network for how well they "handle the still-sensitive issue of depicting lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals on TV." ABC got the highest rating for shows like Ugly Betty, Brothers and Sisters, and the upcoming Cavemen, sure to stir up much constructive discussion about gay-caveman stereotypes. [Variety]
· International audiences flock to The Simpsons Movie, where the hilarious image of a grown man choking his son transcends all geocultural boundaries. [Variety]
· Kevin Reilly greenlights his first project for Fox—The Oaks, about "three different couples who inhabit the same house at three different times," all of whom are visited by ghosts. Ben Silverman reads this, secretly thinks to himself: "But where's the sexy?" [Variety]
· Scott Rudin buys the rights to best-seller The Dangerous Book for Boys, sure to inspire countless "Dangerous Book for Assistants" parodies, featuring merit badges for hurled-object ducking. [THR]
· Evil babies and flashback jokes appear never to get old, as The Family Guy wins Sunday night for Fox.

How badass is Jason Bourne? He can kill you with nothing more than his bare hands and a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. [More Than Fine]

The incredible odyssey of little David Banda—the adorable Malawian demi-orphan plucked from a sea of thousands of less-cute African children by late-to-the-game global humanitarian Madonna—has hit a significant snag. From the Reuters report:

While Lindsay Lohan's previous swings at rehab were resoundingly unsuccessful—a stay at the Wonderland facility in Laurel Canyon led to a fatal curb-mauling, while Promises proved unable to prevent a 100 m.p.h. Denalijacking—there's always another, more exclusive celebrity detox facility ready to throw open their doors to any troubled, coke-pant-wearing starlet in need:

Greetings, friends. Defamer associate editor Seth here, back from my week-long side-gig punching up the script for Feed The Bears II: The Bears Are Still Hungry!. I'm quite proud of my work, having significantly heightened the drama of the glutton-fetish original through the introduction of an interfaith couple, who struggle to indulge their lustiest bear appetites while adhering to strict religious dietary guidelines. The double-DVD set ("Disc 1: Milk," "Disc 2: Meat") should hit stores by September.

Like a stun-gun set to "wake up" applied directly to your genitals, enjoy the jolt of the weekend box office numbers:

· You cannot deny the Eighth-Wonder-of-the-World majesty of Billion-Dollar Director Brett Ratner's prodigious talent. You can only hope to fellate it.
· The View clutches Whoopi to its heaving bosom. Don't feel bad if you didn't know; it was easy to miss. Former gab-bags Star and Rosie greatly look forward to the day when they don't have to talk about this shit any more.
· Ironic that grubby thief Lindsay Lohan, who never met a car she didn't treat like an armored tank, should be getting life advice from the stars of License to Drive.
· NBC's Ben Silverman loves toxic relationships.
· Maybe Nicole will even get Paris's old cell. It'll be just like a slumber party but with worse snacks. Guess she'll start gaining the 40 lbs. after she's out.
· Calling all actors with no self-esteem: This won't actually help, but your therapists will thank you.
· Pssst, Osama: He's in Australia!
· Wait, someone's actually relying on Michael Bay to clarify a story? Don't they know that's not his strength?
· Now Britney can neglect her kids without all those pesky divorce lawyers calling all the time. Plus: Ron Obvious joins staff of Us Weekly.
· Nice try, Jenna Jameson, but you missed the money shot this time.

· According to a poll, 9 out of 10 adults believe that the diverting clusterfucks resulting from celebrity scandals get "too much" news coverage. Expect the immediate cancellation of Entertainment Tonight, AH, The Insider, Extra, everything on E!, and the shuttering of Us Weekly, People, Star, Life & Style and InTouch as demand for gossip completely dries up in the oversaturated market.
· On the other hand, that unaccounted for adult from the poll thinks the amount of coverage of lunches attended by more than one lady Eddie Murphy has slept with is "just right."
· That person also loves the stories about the cute orphan Madonna adopted!
· Bratz, Underdog...Rainbow Brite?
· We really love us some Happy Foot/Sad Foot.

Since you're nothing in this world unless your likeness can be crushed onto an envelope with someone's dirty thumb, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie — this actor couple with some kids; you may have run across them once — must be incredibly relieved that their star status is now fully legitimized.

Friday
· Music round-up: VHS or Beta at the Troubadour; Sneaker Pimps at Crash Mansion; The Slits at the El Rey.
· The Hammer's "Hot + Bothered: Films of Temptation and Personal Destruction" series screens Cecille B. DeMille classic Samson and Delilah, with live pre-show music by The Not So Lonelies.
· Hairspray? Whatever! How about Cry-Baby at the Nuart?

Never one to squander an opportunity to jab his firing-pinky into longtime nemesis Rosie O'Donnell's neck wattle while evaluating her physical appearance, musing about a punitive sexual conquest of her life-partner, or delivering a stream of inventive, pig-related quips, Donald Trump delivered the insult value-add we've come expect from the savvy businessman in denying that he'd ever invited her on the upcoming celebrity edition of The Apprentice. He did, however, allow that firing her would be fun: