Even if Fox's The Moment Truth never lives up to its Apocalypse-beckoning advance billing , the show will have provided a valuable service to the very society it's so far failed to destroy in exposing a disturbing deception far more widespread than we ever could have imagined: the artificial enhancement of male "packages" by means of designer jean/Dockers/mankini stuffing.

Terry Gilliam's pledge that the Parnassus show will indeed go on just got a shot of quasi-validity. Amid reports that production has been shut down, the movie's online marketing campaign began taking root this week. Not only did (an admittedly bare bones) official website go live, fanboy outpost Quick Stop managed to get their hands on the first official teaser image (with another to follow). However, there's still one little problem that needs resolving. Namely, what to do with Heath Ledger's remaining scenes?

· Anxious that the Oscars are approaching and he still has no real idea of whether or the WGA—obviously a little preoccupied with their own issues—intends to grant a waiver for their awards ceremony, Academy president Sid Ganis begs the Guild for answers so that complicated logistical issues can be resolved. "We're running out time! [desperate punctuation ours]," wails Ganis, pleading for the sweet release of either a simple "yes" or "no." [Variety]
· Following his reported Monday dismissal from CAA for allegedly getting caught with his hand too far into Oprah's network cookie jar, reality TV agent Michael Camacho lands at UTA after "competitive and aggressive courting" by other agencies who believe that the controversy just proves he's an impish go-getter who might have gotten a little carried away during that recent Death Star misadventure. [THR]

Having already offered you a glimpse at the making of the Vanity Fair Hollywood Issue Hitchcock portfolio, including some of the most incredible fake-emoting from Renée Zellweger we've seen since Oscars cameras caught Keira Knightley trying to look happy about Reese Witherspoon's Best Actress win, we thought it only fitting to now show you the final product. We put a few of our favorites after the jump; the rest can be found here. Pay particular attention for one classic shot of Seth Rogen fleeing from a crop-duster that finally answers the age-old question, "What if Cary Grant was a paunchy, 20-something Canadian Jew?"

Having dispensed with ten or so totally boring minutes discussing the plight of millions of Iraqi refugees with U.N. Goodwill Ambassador Angelina Jolie, CNN correspondent Arwa Damon felt that she'd established enough of a rapport to end their conversation by finally broaching the only subject the network's viewers really care about: "Hey, Angie, are you all knocked up with Brad's beautiful twinsies or what?" From CNN's transcript of Jolie's interview on the refugee crisis:

It's truly been a week for healing and personal triumphs for Paris Hilton, who, fresh off her Late Show with David Letterman appearance, in which the talk show host publicly apologized for their last contentious meeting and offered the heiress full access to his Ed Sullivan Theater to plug her various, completely immaterial projects and ventures, was also crowned "woman of the year" yesterday by the Harvard Lampoon. It was an honor she showed up in person to accept, where she gave the Ivy League institution her trademarked, temperature-based papal blessing:

In an unexpected development sure to rock the sentient-sportscar-voiceover world, Variety reports NBC has announced that it's had to make an 11th hour substitution in its casting of KITT for the network's soon-to-debut Knight Rider movie, rushing last-minute savior Val Kilmer (Val Kilmer!) into the studio to redo all of the dialogue already recorded by outgoing Mustang-inhabitor Will Arnett.

With two weeks since the last new installment, we came to last night's episode hungry for Project Runway action, like a submissive John desperate to be body-slammed by his favorite dominatrix in thigh boots. Luckily, this week's challenge amply serviced our whimpery needs, as the guest models were the Divas of WWE. They were she-beasts all, showing off for the remaining designers in an impressive demonstration that required them to grab a regular Runway model by the ankle, then swing them over their heads and launch them across the room before high-fiving each other and engaging in a spirited flex-off. Enjoy.

Corey Haim is back, Hollywood, and he knows that he's let you down in the past by never realizing the tantalizing promise he displayed in License to Drive, Dream a Little Dream and Blown Away, but he's ready to get to work and heal the wounds caused by his long absence from your television and film sets.

Skipping past the block-long line of bottomed-out starlets shivering in their heels as they hoped to gain entrance to Utah's Cirque Lodge, all it took was one weary gaze cast up from beneath a floppy-brimmed hat for the doorman at the hottest rehab facility in the country to unhook the velvet rope from its stanchion and give Kirsten Dunst VIP access. Inside, the Spider-Man series star, for years now dubbed Kirsten Drunkst by an unfeeling tabloid blogging press (curious as to why? This 2005 AskMen.com article, "Why do people call her Kirsten Drunkst?" should answer all your crunk Mary Jane questions) was instantly transported to the Lindsay Lohan Welcome Center and Karaoke Facility for a sparkling cider brunch.

· Maybe we've just spent too much time watching American Idol cattle-call-tryouts-of-the-damned shows, but we definitely prefer this version of "Glamorous" to the original. Also, we wanted more of the girl doing the toe-tapping thing. And the guy with the spinning hubcap.
· Ben Greenman's blog-musical Death Comes to Britney Spears makes a transition to YouTube.
· What the Heath Ledger situation really needs right now is for the feds to get involved to straighten the whole thing out.
· How did Randy Quaid earn a lifetime ban from Actor's Equity? (Hint: a Nazi plot is involved!)

With the fourth installment of The Terminator franchise (discounting, of course, that new Fox series Tween Terminator: The Jailbait Killing-Machine Chronicles) in pre-production, director Joseph "McG" McGinty Nichol, still euphoric from landing Christian Bale in the pivotal role of Adult Eddie Furlong, now has some serious, Governator-sized shoes to fill for the sequel's time-traveling robomercenary. From the213.net interview:

Having long ago elected Barack Obama the President of Hollywood, how will the industry react to Hillary Clinton's win in California's Democratic primary? Disappointed kingmaker David Geffen, despite having prematurely predicted victory for Obama, is not yet abandoning ship, even if DreamWorks partner Steven Spielberg is stubbornly sticking out a passionless political marriage with Clinton. Indeed, maybe it's time Geffen starts thinking about his next move, like sitting down with Maureen Dowd for another one of those fun interviews before all of his friends start getting crazy ideas about jumping on the Hillary bandwagon. [Slate]

· Music round-up: Velvet Revolver at the Wiltern; The Donnas at Crash Mansion; Los Amigos Invisibles at House of Blues.
· At Dutton's Brentwood Books, author Rima Greer puts her life in danger by signing her new book, The Real, Low Down, Dirty Truth About Hollywood Agenting, in which she violates the Ten Percent Code by "open[ing] up her phone sheet and crackberry to show us how agents, writers, and directors function in a world of producers, development executives, and studio executives."
· The UCLA Film & Television Archive hosts an evening with Richard Edlund, an Oscar-winning visual effects legend and Industrial Light and Magic co-founder who'll discuss how he once was tasked with translating vague George Lucas notes like, "Can we make it more Force-y?" into practical form.

Only because it's slim pickins' on the Hollywood newsfront today do we bring you this semi-precious gem of a casting update. Sam Rockwell, whose Choke was one of the few successful sales at Sundance Snoozefest 08, will star in Moon, a sci-fi flick about a guy stranded on the moon for three years. Though Rockwell only offered up deets on the film after repeated inquiries about his Hanksian beard, he did manage to let loose this promising detail. The director is one Duncan Jones, whose aliases include "former ad exec," "Zowie Bowie," and "David Bowie's son." Jones's first and last directorial effort? A 28-minute short movie called Whistle in 2002. Hope that grizzly bear look is worth it, Sam! [MTV Movies Blog]

Though we're loath to return to the subject, important breaking news requires our brief attention: Following her second daring escape from a maximum-security psychiatry-ward lockdown in a month, Britney Spears is once again on the loose, having somehow distracted her UCLA captors long enough to wiggle free of the restraints keeping her lashed to her QuietTime™ guerney, bolt for the door, and screech away in a Mercedes left idling in the parking lot by renegade manager Sam Lufti. Fortunately, an orderly on TMZ's payroll managed to fire a homing-dart into the runaway pop star's neck as she dashed for freedom, allowing them to precisely track her movements since the escape; currently, Spears is on her way home, oblivious to the live-camera ambush the wily, bounty-hunting web concern has set up to assist in her capture. [TMZ, TMZ, TMZ, TMZ ]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often—the fate of the universe relies upon it! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you stumbled upon Woody Harrelson telling a Yoga studio receptionist about a marvelous new contraption that turns poop into drinking water.

Thanks to some intrepid, DV-equipped pedestrians in San Francisco's Castro district, the YouTubes now provide some tantalizing glimpses of what Sean Penn looks and sounds like as Harvey Milk in Gus Van Sant's biopic. (His face is obstructed in the clip above, but you can get a better look at him here.)

Just when you thought you were tired of reading about Britney Spears, the next issue of Rolling Stone promises a DOOZY of a cover story that's sure to be one of the most explosive reads of this young year. The story reportedly includes boob job confessions (!), shopping mall sobfests (!!) and cameos from Justin Timberlake so "vulgar" that the NY Daily News refused to put them in print (!!!). While vulgarity has become a staple in virtually every Britney story these days, this disturbing excerpt in which Britney's Amex Black card gets declined at the mall pretty much redefines the word:

While it's still too early for new hit The Moment of Truth to officially resort to desperation stunts like a celebrity-boosted format, evil Fox reality TV mastermind Mike Darnell has expressed a refreshing willingness to tinker with the series in hopes of ratcheting up its initially disappointing tension levels, and it never hurts to experiment in a low-stakes environment.