Maybe this Anthony Pellicano trial isn't as hopelessly bereft of A-list manure-flinging as we had initially thought. Just a day after Garry Shandling's bitterly frank testimony about former manager Brad Grey—which so riled the Paramount Emperor that the planned The Love Guru ice cream social was cancelled with a company-wide e-mail instructing staffers to, "Go enjoy a cup of Garry Shandling's steaming, fudge-covered horseshit instead"—comes something even better: A tape, which prosecutors say was made by Pellicano and obtained by The Huffington Post, containing a 31-minute conversation between Chris Rock and the private investigator. Rock secured Pellicano's services after the then-separated comedian engaged in a brief fling with what he describes as "a girl with big tits and white pants" back in 1998, who then turned around and accused him of rape. (Interesting side note: He took her to a dinner party at Guy Oseary's house attended by Madonna and Elisabeth Shue!) The charges were ultimately found to be bogus, and were never officially filed.

When we watched the last season of The Sopranos, we remember watching Johnny Sack freely smoke cigarettes in his hospital gown despite having terminal cancer and feeling completely indifferent. One more of Tony's adversaries going down in a puff of smoke was, in the context of the show, actually something to smile about. But seeing the cancer-stricken visage of Patrick Swayze doing the same thing? Frankly, it guts us. At this point, we're not sure whether to watch the last scene of Dirty Dancing over and over again while fighting back tears or to hop a plane to wherever Swayze is at the moment and personally pluck the cig from his lips. Seen here post-diagnosis, it seems Swayze just can't kick the habit, no matter how brutal it is on his body:

· All it takes is some speed metal and a blowdryer to transform this mild-mannered terrier into the wire-haired Knight in Satan's Service he truly is. [Break.com]
· The biggest breakout star of American Idol's sixth season—Crying Girl—is back! And she's brought her thoughts about Season 7 with her. (Preview: It isn't as good.) [LAT]
· Tobey Maguire is a strong believer in allowing one's infant child to pick up on the whole walking thing on their own, even if that means spending the first few years of their lives face down in a shag carpet. [Popbitch via Wendywayrad]
· "'I've been a fan of One Life to Live since I was a baby,' said Snoop." [USA Today]
· Not On Our Watch, co-founded by George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Matt Damon, has given $500,000 to the United Nations World Food Program, but since it wasn't presented in the form of a giant check on The Oprah Winfrey Show, it took a couple days for you to find out about it. [Reuters]

Exactly one week ago today, we ran a fairly innocuous item about David Caruso's effusive bullying of a young director on the set of CSI: Sunglasses. Unbeknownst to us at the time we posted it, this item would generate a tremendous amount of feedback from you, the Defamer community. In particular, we received one incredibly detailed recollection of Caruso's on-set behavior from a commenter with the nom de plume of OnSetSnitch. While we normally don't make a practice out of reprinting comments verbatim, this one is so full of Grade-A juice that we felt compelled to share it with a wider audience. With that, please enjoy this unfortunate (yet hilarious) tale of what it's like to work with the likes of David Caruso on a daily basis:

We're a fan of all of Natalie Portman's film work, but it's her strides in the shortform variety that have particularly astounded us lately. Just six months after she at long last unveiled both Boleyn girls—along with the rest of her—in Wes Anderson's Hotel Chevalier, comes another drastic about-face for the consummate actress and Star Wars-geek spankbait-object. In a sequence in New York, I Love You, an anthology of love stories set in Manhattan (including one directed by shameless romantic Brett Ratner), the Israeli-American actress bundles up to play a Hasidic woman—albeit notably unencumbered by one of those tricky-to-maneuver, five-seat strollers. Could the dashing young mensch to her right be searching for just the right moment to pop the question, and get a little under-the-chupah action going? Those smiles say yes.

After what feels like decades spent snorting wasabi and chugging live goldfish, time has finally clocked out on Jackass star Steve-O's sanity. Star reports that Nicole Richie's ex has been placed on the ever-popular 5150 hold popularized by fellow bipolar sufferer Britney Spears. Steve-O was sent to Thalians Mental Health Facility (the same place Owen Wilson once graced with his presence back in the Stallion's sick days) after emailing suicide notes to friends and allegedly putting cigarettes out on his body. But Steve-O has more than straitjackets and a daily rainbow of pills to look forward to; he's also been officially charged with cocaine possession, a charge dating back to when he assaulted a neighbor while high. We personally think Thalians should begin work on an annual yearbook, just so all these celebs who waltz in on one drug and out on another can KIT! and XOXO! each other after the misty water-colored memories fade. [Star]

With Sex and the City: The Movie inching ever closer to its May 30th release date (will Carrie and Big end up together? No don't tell us—we don't want to know! Hurts so good!), and today's announcement of a Beverly Hills 90210 primetime reimagining, we're certain more than a few of you have some Sarah Jessica Parker and Tori Spelling on the brain. Sadly, both women are currently taken, and idling outside their homes in a red '84 Ford Tempo with tinted windows in the hopes of winning some much-needed face time with your TV idols is largely frowned upon by the authorities. (Just trust us on that one.) That's where Pipedream Products' celebrity blow-up dolls come in handy, offering easy-to-inflate, polyurethane likenesses of some of your favorite stars.

· A Little Night Conversation, featuring Stephen Sondheim and Frank Rich, is going down at Royce Hall. The Broadway legend and NY Times columnist will be discussing all things musical.
· While we're not sure if this is one of the divas that got an outfit made for them on Project Runway, it's worth noting that WWE Diva and Playboy cover model Maria will be appearing at Hollywood and Highland (for those of you who are into that sort of thing).
· And if you are in the mood for music, you might want to try checking out The Pillows at the El Rey, Beach House at the Echo, Murder by Death at the Henry Fonda.

Never one to miss an endorsement opportunity, Diddy has taken his partnership with Ciroc Liquor to a publicity-heightening new level. Citing not his fondness of earning Benjamins but rather his achy breaky heart as the reason behind this pragmatic endeavor, Diddy plans on launching a car service for celebrities who've had too much to drink at Opera and Les Deux and need a way home that doesn't involve cokepants or Vicodin swerves. More than anything else, we can't wait to see what the cars in question will be emblazoned with. We're envisioning that the rides will be pimped out in twead or pinstriped paint, with an oh-so-subtle 6x6 logo on the hoods stating "styled by Sean John." Which, if you think about it, would really flatter the drunken, passed out heads of Lindsay and Paris quite nicely. [Us]

If the old adage about the lawyer who represents himself having a fool for a client is true, then Anthony Pellicano's cross-examination today of Garry Shandling at his own trial (Underwhelming Hollywood with Nothing of Juicy Significance Since 2002™) was like the Comedy Store main room. When asked by the court what he does for a living, Deadline Hollywood Daily reports, Shandling responded, "That's a bad sign. I'm a comedian." To which the judge responded, "Not to me you're not." (To which the entire jury snapped in unison and remarked, "Ooooooh girl.") Shandling was there in connection with a long-running feud with onetime manager Brad Grey over lost earnings from his The Larry Sanders Show deal, during which Scary Hollywood Lawyer Bert Fields, a regular subscriber to Pellicano's eavesdropping services, allegedly used the P.I. to tap Shandling's calls. From DHD's courtroom report:

After a hard day of filming, The Butterscotch Stallion galloped at an alarming rate across the set, nearly leaving the entire cast and crew behind on the way to a very necessary and extremely vital party at Harry Dean Stanton's house.

After watching this clip of new ANTM contestant Fatima's greatest hits, we are currently praying to the Top Model gods to please, please send house bitch Fatima home next week (pretty please with Janice Dickinson's remains on top!). Why? Not because she is a former victim of female circumcision (as she will have you know, over and over again), not because she can't even button a sweater, and not because she has a Mischa Barton-like ability to make legs even as skinny as her own look like thunder thighs on top of toothpicks. Nope, none of the above. We need Fatima to go home primarily because if we see Tyra do one more tiger growl impersonation of her, we will personally gut our televisions. And that will not be good for our career.

While execs at the Fox network long ago learned that people have a strong desire to watch shows aimed at an audience of gore-hound rubberneckers (think, America's Most Shocking And Deadly High-Speed Rollover Accidents Part Six), the folks at the more family friendly American Broadcasting Channel rolled the dice when they cast the last season of Dancing With The Stars. Their bet was that they could appeal to an under-exploited niche of the American television viewing audience by casting a one-legged former trophy wife of a Beatle. After all, would people really tune in to see whether or not she would fall on her ass while doing the Cha-Cha? Not surprisingly, they did tune in ... in droves, even. So when it came time for this season to roll around, producers decided to go right back to the developmentally-challenged well when they decided to cast the hearing-impaired Oscar winner (and stone fox) Marlee Matlin.

It's so disappointing that Emily Brill and Kristian Laliberte (second from right and second from left, respectively) won't be appearing together after all in the planned Manhattan version of The Hills: the two empty socialites are already stabbing each other in the back like reality television pros. Brill, the publishing heiress, says she dropped out of Stick Figure Production's show because she wanted respect. "My writing is my priority. Not fame, not parties, not glamour. No short cuts. I'm going to earn respect through good, err, excellent writing." That's an option unavailable to her supposed friend, language-mangling fashion publicist Laliberte, who remains involved with the horrific reality show, according to Brill. But that's not the end of the story.

Break out your varsity jackets and teasing combs, because Beverly Hills: 90210 is getting a B12 shot in the ass. As THR reports this morning, the beloved fictional halls of West Beverly will be refurbished and re-populated with a brand new spinoff on the CW. Though a pilot has yet to be written by Veronica Mars producer Rob Thomas, and the tweeny network has yet to sign any papers, we'd like to prevent Aaron Spelling from rolling over in his grave by offering our own suggestions for who should play the new versions of Brenda, Brandon and their rotating group of bed buddies. Although we kinda doubt a marching band dusted with school spirit could help our Donna Martin graduate...

We have some troubling news to report: contrary to popular belief, Justin Timberlake is (spoiler alert) not funny. According to Radar Online, that masterful introductory speech JT recited at the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame on Monday night was more than just a fun series of anecdotes about Madonna's B12 shots and Britney putdowns. For those on the scene, it was a painful series of awkward silences and lame attempts at humor, made even more painful by Justin's Norton-like tries at improvising some jokes of his own:

· The Dracula: The Puppet Musical sequence in Forgetting Sarah Marshall so impressed the Jim Henson Co., who produced the puppets, that they've hired Jason Segel and Nick Stoller to write and direct the next Muppet movie. They're hoping the whole Apatowian raunch-with-heart formula will lend itself nicely to a story about Miss Piggy's accidental knocking-up by Kermit's unambitious stoner character, which will result in a mutant frig baby that both will love despite its freakishly beflippered snout. [Variety]
· As we noted yesterday, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (that's the one where everyone except Draco Malfoy dies at the end. Kidding! Never read it.) is so expansive, Warner Bros. had no choice but to split it into two, billion-dollar-earning blockbusters instead of the regular one. Consider this a coup for everyone involved—particularly fans of post-jailbait-aged Emma Watson. [Variety]

Oh, Rhys Ifans, we'd probably feel the same way if we had to listen to Sienna Miller talk for three hours straight about being on a perv cam and how much she still hates Pittsburgh and how she was robbed for her work in Factory Girl. Then again, Sienna Miller probably doesn't enjoy Rhys Ifans frequent questions about his hair. "Doesn't this haircut make me look like Rod Stewart? You know, when he was good?"

As part of Defamer's ongoing commitment to bring you the latest in viral videos that your far more savvy and productivity-challenged friends may have already seen a day or two ago, we now introduce you to Fred and Sharon Spencer. Like Lionsgate, their indie studio started in British Columbia (Kelowna, to be exact), and offers a wide array of production services, executing everything from low-budget horror to computer animation with trademark Spencer panache. They also are known to get in front of the camera from time to time, and for a small premium are available to swede your favorite blockbuster—or even recreate your child's graduation footage they accidentally erased when they used your Betamax tape to record a CBC Coronation Street marathon. So who needs a movie?

In case you hadn't heard, recently resigned NY governor Eliot Spitzer likes call girls. A lot. And while we're still busy casting the inevitable movie of the week, our slideshow-obsessed friends over at Us dove into their archives to reminisce on the hooker-laced pasts of Hugh Grant, Eddie Murphy and escort king Charlie Sheen, who've all been caught with their pants (and dignities) down. But call girls don't always come in the form of silicone sketchballs straight out of the Bada Bing. Sometimes they have hearts of gold and charisma as thick as the air on the 101! If they're played by stars, that is. We dove into our own archives and selected our top five films that revolve around the World's Oldest Profession, flicks that will surely be making their way onto Eliot Spitzer's Netflix queue in no time.