After weeks of massive ratings and huge buzz derived from its Tina Fey-as-Sarah Palin guest appearances, Saturday Night Live extended its political satire into special Thursday episodes beginning last night. So how did the Not Ready for Primetime Players weather the transition to the only NBC timeslot not currently bought up by Barack Obama?Answer: Awkwardly! Without Tina Fey on board or even the much-rumored Sarah Palin-as-Fey meta explosion, SNL's attempt at a presidential debate skit underwhelmed almost as much as the actual debate. Even guest appearances by Bill Murray and Chris Parnell couldn't quite mask the fact that after weeks of mining rich, varied material, SNL returned to its "beat one single joke into the ground over nine minutes" roots. In this case, it was the premise that Tom Brokaw didn't allow the debaters enough time to make interesting points. Laughing yet? Then the entire sketch awaits you below!

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your regular guide to everything new, noteworthy and potentially hideous this week at the movies. Today we see another fistful of titles tossed on the fall-release glut, none of which may have the stamina to outlast Disney's purse dog in a three-day race at the box office. We also have our refined eye on the weekend's most disappointing opening as well as our official art-house underdog, plus a few cherry-picked new DVD titles for the shut-ins among you. You know how this works by now: Our opinions are our own, but with free, near-gemological precision like this, why go anywhere else?WHAT'S NEW: Yesterday we broke down some of our problems with Body of Lies, starring Leonardo DiCaprio as a CIA operative entangled in the boilerplate "web of intrigue" when his sketchy boss (Russell Crowe) dispatches him to Jordan to zzzzzzzzz... Critics aren't behind it, and it's too late in the year for Warner Bros. to push this as anything more than the beach-reading it is. Which doesn't mean it can't finish in first place, of course — even though it won't. Beverly Hills Chihuahua will sprint out the stretch over Body's lumbering, wheezing frame, narrowly outgrossing Warners' $16 million for the week's biggest dogtrack upset. Warners will do much better distributing RockNRolla for Guy Ritchie and Joel Silver on a smattering of screens in LA and New York before going wide on Halloween, but that's pocket change below Universal's football biopic The Express (should open strong around $15.2 million), the B-horror Quarantine ($11.9 million), the family adventure City of Ember ($6.6 million) and finally in wide release, Keira Knightley nifty bodice-ripper The Duchess ($5.2 million). Eagle Eye and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist will skim off everyone's top as well with a combined $16 million for the weekend. Also opening: Mike Leigh's latest annoyance Happy-Go-Lucky; the quirky microbudget romance Good Dick; the gay family dramedy Breakfast With Scot; Daddy Yankee's gangland redemption saga Talento de Barrio; and the self-explanatory biopic Billy: The Early Years of Billy Graham. THE BIG LOSER: Equipped as it is for international support and a long life on DVD and cable, $20 million is still the low end of studio expectations for Body of Lies. It won't come anywhere close.

· A batch of pictures from the set of The Road prove that Viggo Mortensen can make even a cannibalized apocalypse victim smile. [via Cinematical] · Fun fact: Kirk Cameron's Fireproof, produced for under a million dollars and marketed to an evangelical Christian audience, has made $13.3 million through Wednesday. And is expected to draw at least $2 million more this weekend. Why didn't Screen Gems strike a deal with this guy? · Ever wanted to hear what Nikki Finke might sound like if she actually said "TOLDJA!"? Oh. Well here's a radio interview with her anyway. · Take the Guardian's slideshow tour of compulsive filmgoing hell, better known as the Netflix Movie Watching World Championship. · Slate inched ever closer today to unlocking the most sizzling gossip of the 19th century: Who was Emily Dickinson's hunky mystery man, anyway?

We don't always know what to believe anymore when it comes to The Reader, but after a turbulent period of fighting, making up, gossip-page ensnarement and a charity payout, no one watching the tormented relationship between Scott Rudin and Harvey Weinstein could have realistically expected it to survive another two months leading up the release of their troubled Kate Winslet drama. And right on cue, that eerie silence of the last week is ended this afternoon when Rudin reportedly stripped his name from the Oscar hopeful, citing irreconcilable differences — among other things.Patrick Goldstein has the news at his blog, though details are foggy and fairly speculative; pretty much everyone knows by now how fiercely Rudin and Weinstein loathe each other, with both Weinstein and his pocketbook suffering last week as Rudin's authentic hate mail made the tabloid rounds. But contumely is the coin of the realm with these guys. As sure as their awkward public detente of 11 days ago was bullshit, couldn't they just as easily keep their mouths shut for two months as director Stephen Daldry went about his post-production business for a Dec. 12 opening? Ha. Like The Reader isn't just any movie — it's the final co-production of the late Sydney Pollack and Anthony Minghella, and the film for which Harvey wants star Kate Winslet to compete against herself for an Oscar next year — these aren't just any tyrants. Someone to had to win, and win now. Goldstein notes that Rudin's talent relationships (Winslet, Daldry and screenwriter David Hare in particular) couldn't withstand the now-regular strafing, adding that Daldry isn't necessarily equipped to complete the film without Rudin guarding his back from a Harvey incursion. But finish it he will, under contract, assuming Dec. 12 still stands. If so, it's a worst-case scenario for everyone involved: Daldry will rush it, Winslet won't promote it, Rudin won't discuss it and Weinstein will drop the equivalent of a late-term abortion on a skeptical critical corps that can't wait to watch him burn through the last of his nine lives. It's not the film's fault, but hey. it's always the children who pay.

Well, despite ourselves, we still managed getting sucked into another season of Project Runway, if only a little late in the game. (What ever happened to that methlicious guy? He was a hoot!) And as any Runway addict can tell you, a great season always includes a great villain:The raptor-like Wendy Pepper, the Rasputinish Santino Rice, the...disturbingly benecked Jeffrey Sebelia. But this was far from a great season of Runway, and it accordingly has the flimsy baddie it deserved: Kenley Collins. 25. Pompano Beach, Fl. Obsessed with the '50s. Voice like a leafblower. You know the one. Still, the lightly sociopathic dressmaker managed to make it to the final three, and for that we salute her. Enjoy this journey through the other various looks she's adopted throughout her life-journey, as she flips through family photos eulogizing a recently passed grandmother. [Project Runway]

It was announced today that Barack Obama will be buying a half-hour of primetime television on both CBS and NBC just a few days before the November 4 election. The political infomercial reps good news for both networks (which can pre-empt low-rated shows like Gary Unmarried and Knight Rider in favor of a pre-sold half hour), but it may be even better news for the frisky Craigslister who just posted this offer:

Tracking on Body of Lies isn't dazzling anyone today at Warner Bros., which has spent the last two months trying to push Ridley Scott's $100 million Leonardo DiCaprio/Russell Crowe war-on-terror thriller onto the top of this weekend's congested slate of new releases. Most forecasts place its opening gross around $17 million — likely enough to dispatch mildly aromatic new competition like Quarantine, City of Ember and The Express, but not nearly enough to guarantee a first-place finish ahead of Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Not. Acceptable. Is it too early to ask what the hell happened here?Warners may be the only studio that hasn't yet had its big Iraq-themed clusterfuck; that time appears to have arrived. (Its defunct subsidiary Warner Independent bungled the underrated In the Valley of Elah to a $1.5 million wide release last September, just one of the misfires that cost the mini-major its life.) Universal only opened with $17.1 million for last year's The Kingdom, and Paramount saw Stop-Loss die quickly this past spring, earning almost half of its $11 million total gross in the first week of release. So if Iraq and the war on terror aren't over yet as Hollywood themes, they probably will be when Monday rolls around. Critics aren't digging it either, but maybe even more importantly: Has Leonardo DiCaprio ever seemed more out-of-place than the Body trailers and TV spots?

Molls's ongoing love affair with Beyonce isn't exactly a secret—she can regularly be found crab-walking along the Third St. Promenade, a dutiful member of her entourage holding a boombox aloft behind her blaring "Ring the Alarm." Still, that's no reason to think the former Destiny's Child frontdiva's new single, "Put a Ring On It," isn't the jam of the fall! As you'll soon learn, there's virtually nothing you can't put a ring on, including Molls's jelly, for which we can assure you you're not even close to ready. Here's what's to do:· Comic Book Release Party at Golden Apple · Killing Joke at the House of Blues · DJ Travis Keller at Bar Chloe · Aggrolites at The Roxy

Click to viewBoomp3.com Megawatt movie star Naomi Watts made a quick stop at a Manhattan area Container Store to help contain and protect her developing baby bump from prying eyes, gazers, stares, and various lookie loos. Watts felt that she could have worn an outfit that may hid her bump better, but the weather was just too nice. Watts said, “I just couldn’t hid my bump on such a beautiful autumn day like today.” [Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Ryan Reynolds hit the fundraising circuit running — literally — in an essay today on The Huffington Post, where he opened up about his training for next month's New York Marathon. There, despite vowing to avoid such events after once observing an epidemic of runners' bleeding nipples, the newlywed is racing on behalf of Michael J. Fox's foundation to fight Parkinson's Disease. But while we applaud his determination in battling 26 miles of nipple-chafe, Reynolds is running for more than just a good cause. He's also trotting into a celebrity pastime with a rich tradition of its own, competing against the likes of Will Ferrell, Katie Holmes, Diddy and even David Lee Roth's six-hour slog through New York in 1987. After the jump, find the ten swiftest boldfacers who ever laced up a pair of track shoes. Train harder, Ryan — and happy bleeding!MEN 1. Dana Carvey, 3:04:21 (Ocean to Bay Marathon, 1972) — Carvey is the only hint this marathon ever existed, though with photographic evidence scarce, we reluctantly place him at the top of the list of the World's Fastest Celeb Marathoner. 2. Björn Ulvaeus, 3:23:54 (Stockholm Marathon, 1980) — The ABBA co-founder also engineered a revolutionary antecedent to the Walkman and iPod, trademarking the waist-cinching Phonostrap to blast LP's on his high-energy training runs. 3. William Baldwin, 3:24:29 (New York City Marathon, 1992) — Before Alec divorced Kim Basinger, he was the only Baldwin brother to finish a marathon. 4. George W. Bush, 3:44:52 (Houston Marathon, 1993) — In an eerie harbinger of things to come, finished in 158th place but was declared the winner anyway. 5. Will Ferrell, 3:56:12 (Boston Marathon, 2003) — Trained naked, obviously, but ran the marathon in full Alex Trebex regalia (see above). WOMEN

Having recently noted that George Clooney—on location in Puerto Rico while filming paranormal U.S. Army infantry comedy Men Who Stare at Goats—had inherited the mantle of Hollywood's most dashingly fur-lipped esquire from Robert Downey Jr., we're now saddened to inform you that things have taken a turn for the grim:While sunning himself on a chaise longue, the actor suddenly succumbed to a common moustache-newbie syndrome, in which the overstimulated follicles suddenly seize up—rendering the wearer physically immobile, yet in a tremendous amount of pain. Luckily, a team of cabana boys familiar with the condition arrived on the scene almost immediately, and went right about the process of massaging cocoa butter into Clooney's stiffened maw. Before long, the Clooney Smile™ had returned, and he soon went back to the business of committing dialogue to memory.

If there's one thing Angelina Jolie loves even more than Hot Pockets, it's babies. Together with partner Brad Pitt, Jolie collects children as though they were Pokemon, though the self-sired birth of their recent Chosen Blobs has allowed Jolie to engage in one eye-opening new activity: breast-feeding on the cover of W magazine! We'll let the purple prose of the Daily Mail describe the tableau: "The Hollywood star sits with brunette locks tumbling over her shoulders, with the top of her blouse pulled down to expose her breast - which is somewhat covered by the tiny fingers which just reveal the presence of one of her suckling twins." Funny, we saw it a different way. Our analysis and the full picture, after the jump:

This isn't the first time that a complete unknown has come so close to the presidency-at least not if one includes Hollywood fantasies. The best of them is Being There, a movie made during the last period of national distress in which a mild-mannered and subnormal gardener played by Peter Sellers stumbles into the political spotlight. His bromides on the seasons are taken as reassuring economic wisdom; his television interviews test off the charts; and in the final scene the party establishment clutches at him as their savior much as the McCain campaign selected Sarah Palin. After the jump, a clip crosscut with moments from this year's campaign; but first, some dialogue.

She Even Saw Grace Is Gone. Emily Leatherman, the unhinged admirer of John Cusack who used to toss "long letters of interest over [his] fence in bags with rocks and screwdrivers inside," was moments away from accepting a plea when an outburst led the judge to rescind the offer. She'll now stand trial for her Dobler-tracking crimes. [CNN]

Click to viewBoomp3.com The world’s ultimate cougar, Cloris Leachman believes she’s capable of carrying anything after carrying the popular ABC reality dance competition for the last few weeks. Leachman even carried her granddaughter a few blocks over to her car. Leachman said, “Put me on NBC and I’ll carry that network across the finish line, too.” [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

This Calls For a Long Lunch: Richard Linklater's rambling 1990 masterpiece Slacker is now available for viewing on Hulu, with an accompanying introduction by Kevin Smith at the site's blog. It's worth watching for Madonna's pap smear alone, so get on it, and trust us: If your boss doesn't understand, s/he isn't worth working for anyway. [Hulu]

After a remarkably sedate, breast cancer-themed episode of The View yesterday, the political fur flew once again this morning as Elisabeth Hasselbeck continued to press the last line of Republican defense: Barack Obama's tenuous tie to William Ayers. This time, Joy Behar (over the protests of a sneezing Whoopi Goldberg) tried to raise the issue of Sarah Palin's ties to an Alaska secessionist group, but Elisabeth would not be deterred — and she had a glossy trump card yet to play.

· We have more info on the lift of the Oscars movie-ad-ban in place since 1953: The Academy will allow one spot per distributor, it must feature only one film, and it must premiere during the telecast. The idea is that the high-profile and elaborate ads themselves will become a reason for the disinterested to tune in—like when gay guys watch the Super Bowl. [Variety] · ABC continued to see steep ratings decline in its Wednesday night lineup, with Private Practice and Dirty Sexy Money both down about 20% from last week's already low numbers. Over at ABC Family, meanwhile, 10 Things I Hate About You will become a weekly series, and Joey Lawrence and Melissa Joan Hart will star in a romcom MOW, tentatively titled, Whoa. [Variety] [THR] After the jump: Which vigilante actor is about to star in a vigilante movie?· Jamie Foxx and pap-busting Spartan Gerard Butler will star in Law Abiding Citizen, appropriately enough about a regular Joe who takes the law into his own hands. [THR] · The newly sovereign, India-based DreamWorks has decided to put off its big Wall Street pitch until the market decides to crawl back out of Satan's anus. [THR] · Mark Burnett will produce an updated version of This Is Your Life, except every week it's going to be Donald Trump's life we're reliving. (And he'll never fail to act surprised.) [TV Week]

In addition to her formidable vagina-kicking prowess, airport brawler Nikki Blonsky has quite a way with the race card as well. After shoveling vague bromides on ET about her and her family's fight with the Bianca Golden clan (for which Blonsky and her father face up to five years in jail), the Hairspray star finally responded to Golden's own recent testimony about what happened that day in Turks and Caicos. And this just in: Golden calls her a liar! Help us make sense (or something) of it all after the jump.So far we can all agree that each family's hard-earned Caribbean respite ended with a collision at the Providenciales International Airport, where the Blonskys were holding seats at the departure gate. The Goldens objected, and the B-list shit the the D-list fan:

Click to viewBoomp3.com The Day The Earth Stood Still star Keanu Reeves prepared himself for a taste explosions before enjoying a sandwich from a popular Los Angeles eatery. Reeves decided to wear a helmet since the last time he ate a sandwich from the restaurant knocked him directly on the floor. Reeves said, “It’s cliché to say it, but it was like whoa after that first bite. And the second bite knocked me directly off my seat. I bruised my back. So, I’m ready this around.” Reeves then tapped on his helmet. [Photo Credit: X17] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.