Now that you're done with that failed marriage, find some celestial guidance from our weekly horoscopes. If today - October 20 - is your birthday: While celebrating tonight, you will be horrified to discover that not only have your parents hidden a sibling from you your entire life, but she's also the one who keeps stealing those "fat best friend" parts from you. Libra (September 24 - October 23): An inviting side street will illuminate a path out of your mental gridlock, but it'll only take you up to the brain's equivalent of Melrose and the traffic isn't moving much faster there. More star signs after the jump!Scorpio (October 24 - November 22): Minding your manners and being polite doesn't seem to be impressing the higher ups at your agency. Start an intra-office newsletter that makes fun of Jews and breast-cancer-cure researchers. You'll definitely get noticed now. Sagittarius (November 23 - December 21): Set aside a few seats to your "Industry V.I.P.s." LAX Mariott meet n' greet. As a result of this courtesy, you will find yourself with a regular paycheck in two weeks, though not in any of the industries you intended. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20): Like all Capricorns, you pride yourself on practicality and reason, which makes your decision to convert your studio to "green production" all the more disconcerting. Aquarius (January 21 - February 19): Even though you sometimes feel bad for making your assistant run incredibly annoying personal errands — Wait, no you don't. Never mind. Dick. Pisces (February 20 - March 20): Try something new this week: Send out the dramatic, brooding B&W headshot for the Upbeat Teacher part in the kindergarten comedy and the fun-loving, sitting on a playground, full color photo for the part of Pillager #8 in the Ivan the Terrible miniseries. Aries (March 21-April 20): The career of singer-songwriter Tracy Chapman, a fellow Aries, will show you the ideal lifepath today. You will have a feeling that you belong and that you could be someone, be someone, be someone. Taurus (April 21 - May 21): Be nice when the homeless guy outside The Ivy hands you his Brothers & Sisters spec. At least he signed the release form. Gemini (May 22 - June 21): It's never too early for New Year's resolutions, so stop telling the American Girl Cafe staff about the time George Clooney asked you for directions. Cancer (June 22 - July 23): If it's just going to get on your nerves when no one eats your tofu casserole, then don't keep sneaking it onto the catering table. There's nothing worse than a pissy craft services guy. Leo (July 24 - August 23): Regardless of the veracity of the statement, you probably shouldn't tell your friends that Maureen McCormick's tell-all could just as easily be about you. Virgo (August 24 - September 23): Don't fret over your increasingly strained relations with your parents. Though their emotional support may wane, their financial support will always allow you to make as many bad lesbian-interest short films as you want.