Hard to believe The Biggest Loser is already upon us—it feels like the finale was just a couple weeks ago. (It was? Oh.) Prepare for some firsts, including the heaviest, oldest, and now abusiest contestants!

Interview recently sent addled Bravo awards crasher Lauren Hutton to interview sometimes actress Lindsay Lohan, a pairing that evokes an episode of Iconoclasts filmed as the fold-out chairs are stacked after an AA meeting.

After another interminable wait, 30 Rock returns, giving you something new to talk to your co-workers about now that the "How was your New Year's?" topic has run its course.

In the latest stakes-upping gesture to emerge from the Watchmen legal tussle, one of the film's producers has issued an open letter arguing Warner Bros.' "morally right" claim to the film. Good luck with that!

Tom Cruise will be appearing on The View tomorrow to discuss the death of Jett Travolta, and TMZ's got a full advance video clip. Why, then, are we pointing you toward Us Weekly's coverage?

Monday brought gifts from the Blogger Gods, as a string of Twitter hackings relayed such one-sentence newsflashes as "Britney Spears['s vagina is] about 4 feet wide with razor sharp teeth," and "Bill O'Reilly is gay."

After yesterday's fleshy collection of Steve Martin/Martin Short beach photos, we were feeling charitable toward seaside man-duos (we are not going to say "bromance"...we're just not.) Then, Ryan Seacrest came along.

Catching up today on our socialite fashion models, we enjoyed an introduction to Elettra Wiedemann, the 25-year-old daughter of Isabella Rossellini and granddaughter of Ingrid Bergman. Or rather, we gleaned her unique perspective on weight-sensitive boozing.

How, we wondered yesterday, could the Razzies have overlooked the tailor-made star bomb The Spirit for inclusion on their annual dishonor roll of nominees? We went straight to Razzies founder John Wilson for the scoop.

Remember when Eddie Murphy's post-Dreamgirls Oscar fantasy died in the blast of the bomb that followed it? Anne Hathaway, we have found your Norbit.

Today, an insane Barbara Walters gave us the clip that will be played on the news in slow-motion when she finally uses her costume jewelry to garrote Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

You knew this, but there's a shitload of Queer in the real world: Gays, Protogays, Ex-Gays, Don't Ask Don't Tells, and M2Fs have all been accounted for in MTV's Real World: Brooklyn.

Richard Simmons' scissor sister Lisa Rinna knows you have multiple red carpet options this awards season, but she's hoping you'll choose TV Guide Network, where she and bearish boyband survivor Joey Fatone will preside.

The Directors Guild of America this morning announced its nominations for last year's outstanding achievement in directing. Big names — and few surprises — after the jump..

The Million Dollar Arm was a contest launched in India a couple years ago that attempted to find the country's fastest pitcher and get him into the Major Leagues—sort of Bull Durham meets Slumdog Millionaire.

Not again! After her matchmaking attempts with Jim Carrey, Jennifer Aniston, and Ryan Seacrest produced no sparks, Ellen DeGeneres has plunged her knitting needles into Anne Hathaway (whose current boyfriend is not famous enough).

Believe it or not, there are five critics whose year-end Top 10 lists are even more mystifying, patience-testing and all-around terrible than those five awarded here yesterday. And the Listys go to...

A mysterious show known as the 2008 People's Choice Awards was broadcast Wednesday on CBS, selecting The Dark Knight, 27 Dresses, Will Smith, Reese Witherspoon and others among its many honorees.

· Two guys disguised themselves as Hasids and stole $4 million in diamonds from a 47th St. wholesaler. Also stolen: Snatch's plot. It's all really a testament to how natural-looking synthetic payos have become.

Just before Anne Hathaway received Mary Hart's advice to shut up and bleach, the actress was on the Palm Springs red carpet with stern words for onetime paramour Barack Obama.