The LAT found out exactly what former Disney president/erstwhile superagent Michael Ovitz was paid in severance: $109.3 million. This is considerably lower than the original rumored $140 million figure, but apparently Ovitz could have raked in even more had he cashed in even more of his stock options. Does this mean that he's going to have to return his diamond-encrusted robot that craps gold ingot and protects his mansion from possible Gay Mafia incursions to Hammacher Schlemmer? We hope not, he'd get killed on that 10% percent restocking fee.

Oscar nominated Shrek screenwriter Ted Elliott writes about a dispute over the writing credits on Shrek 2 in a discussion forum on WordPlay, Elliott's and writing partner Terry Rossio's website. (Note: Andrew Adamson is the director of both Shrek movies).

If you ever wondered why Travis Bickle had that unsavory affinity for a teenage Jodie Foster or for firing guns into pimps, now you know it was the headaches. But thanks to Scorsesum, further carnage can be avoided.

· See Mario Van Peebles and pop Melvin in Baadassss! at the Egyptian Theater. It's a son's loving blaxploitation flick about the making of his dad's blaxploitation flick Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song. Um, three a's and five s's, we think.
· Go see indie grrrl pioneers Sleater-Kinney at the El-Rey and try to pick up hipster chicks. Guys, not so fast!
· Note to both horny dudes and aspiring skanks: DON'T go see Christina Aguilera at the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater. It was canceled. Take it down a notch and perv wholesome Canadian Nelly Furtado at Avalon Hollywood (reg. req'd.).
· Head to the Standard Downtown for Fader Magazine's "Escape From New York Party." Pretty much everyone in LA has escaped from NY, so expect a huge crowd of people bitching about how there's no pizza here in between hits of ecstasy.

Is supposedly A-list actor/pseudonymous blogger Rance actually Ben Affleck? A reader tips us to an intriguing clue: In a recent entry on Rance's blog, he offers a puzzle to which the answer is "OV. Unscrambled, that's VO, as in Seagram's singular whiskey." The reader remembers seeing a story about Affleck's tattoos, and was led to this page, where Ben is sporting an "OV" tattoo (thumbnailed at left, click the image for the full picture or follow the link to the third image). Just like the "OV Unscrambled" in Rance's post. And, you know, Ben used to do a bit of the drinky drinky.

An operative slipped Defamer a tape of the pilot episode of Joey, the Matt LeBlanc Friends spin-off vehicle. NBC head Jeff Zucker is betting the farm on Joey plugging the ratings hole left by Friends' departure. By now nearly everyone who didn't stick their head in the oven after the Friends finale is aware of the premise: Aspiring actor/borderline vegetable Joey Tribbiani leaves his pals in New York to finally give it a go in Hollywood.

After a period of momentary quiet in the GraydonGate scandal, a New York Observer editorial takes a poke at Vanity Fair editor/Hollywood bedfellow Graydon Carter (who is a former NYO editor):

You'd think that Hollywood's civilizing influence would have buffed up a few of France's rough edges, but the Cannes Film Festival has been buffeted with anarchy. First hotel workers went on strike, threatening our film stars' comfort level while abroad; some nearly fainted when they returned to bidets lacking that piece of paper announcing they'd been sanitized. Then the French drowned Michael Moore in the longest standing ovation in the history of standing, clapping, and fat, troublemaking documentarians. The anarchy has only deepened. Now Page Six reports that French thieves are pillaging the villas where our precious, exported talent is staying. Where is President Bush with his bombs now? This is certainly the greatest threat facing America, and the French really are overdue for a good surrender.

Looks like we're having some problems with our server, so posting may continue to be a little slow today. Too bad, we just lost a juicy item that would once and for all settle some of those rumors about Tom Cruise. Explosive stuff, gone forever. Oh well!

Igniting a primetime battle that is sure to have CBS's homebound, octogenarian audience clutching for its nurse-call buttons, the network has positioned the latest CSI installment (CSI: NY) to clash with NBC's original Law & Order on Wednesday nights this Fall.

Guess the disappointed crowd at the Andy Kaufman Stays Dead Spectacular was a little premature in their letdown. The guy must have had some really bad karma from wrestling all of those women, as he's been reincarnated as a blogger. Poor schmuck should've stayed dead. Didn't anyone tell him what this gig pays? Were all the busboy jobs taken?

The estranged wife of Matrix co-director/gender reassignment candidate Larry Wachowski is accusing him of trying to sneak around their prenup by claiming that he helped created The Matrix before they were together. These things where millionaire creators of sweeping trilogies that begin with promise but end in disappointment allegedly circumvent prenuptial agreements while simultaneously struggling with the emotional pain of having their genitals chopped off to help realize their inner self never end well.

Apparently, Brad Pitt could be a little better about washing underneath that skirt. Pitt was declared the world's smelliest celebrity by Swedish showbiz expert Mikael Jagerbrand [Ed.note—Maybe that face Pitt makes when he's trying to "act" is just him catching a whiff of his own stink? ] due to his "inability to wash himself or his clothes." Though Russell Crowe is still ahead of Pitt in the Oscar tally, he only mustered enough body odor to merit second place. (Red carpet harpy Joan Rivers lives in fear of his musk, which must be strong enough to loosen her ghoulish facelifts.)

Sir Richard Branson is joining the crowded reality show field of eccentric billionaires torturing hopefuls on-camera for a tiny fraction of their fortunes. According to the website for The Billionaire: Branson's Quest For The Best, the maverick Virgin founder will take "young would-be billionaires on a whirlwind tour of the world" where they'll "relive some of Branson's own business and personal dilemmas."

A hundred die-hard Andy Kaufman fans showed up to the Bunny Ranch to redeem their "free sex coupons" from Sunday's show. Here are some pics of former Kaufman alter-ego Tony Clifton with the faithful pilgrims:

Jimmy Fallon has broken character and cracked up at his own antics on Saturday Night Live for the last time. Fallon will leave the show to pursue a movie career; too bad his last episode was marred by the Olsen Twins proving themselves to have the comic gifts of your average, developmentally disabled poodle. We can only hope that Lorne Michaels and Fallon are going to spare us a movie version of pot-smoking webcam sketch "Jarret's Room," which was Wayne's World plus drugs and minus laughs.

Despite their efforts, a club full of Andy Kaufman's fans couldn't will him back to life. The comedian/amateur wrestler often joked about faking his own death and then returning 20 years later, and this Sunday was the 20th anniversary of his passing from cancer. Bob Zmuda, Kaufman's writer and partner, threw him a party at the House of Blues in West Hollywood just in case Kaufman pulled off the stunt. Two Defamer operatives filed their disappointed reports after the comic failed to rise from the dead. The consolation prize? Dennis Hof, owner of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch (Kaufman's favorite brothel), promised all ticket holders a free round with a prostitute if they showed up on Monday night.

Tagline examines Troy's liberties with the text of The Iliad. For one, the Trojan war took about 10 years; the movie version's seems to take only a couple of weeks, in that spectacular, movie-world "compression of time" way. Also, Achilles' movie "cousin" Patroclus, was likely his gay lover, but big action stars don't get those in $250 million summer movies, unless you count the subtext of the partner/sidekick relationship (hello, Danny Glover and Mel Gibson!). But they did get some things right and stay true to the source. The historical Achilles also looked constipated and baffled by his language any time he was forced to speak more than one sentence at a time, and Brad Pitt was just doing the "Method" thing.

More from the upfronts: Amidst pats on the head from ABC, which also unveiled its new schedule today, the WB television network stood on its colorful, plastic chair at the kids table and adorably announced its plans for the Fall season. Its new shows include Jack & Bobby, the dramatic retelling of the childhoods of John F. and Robert F. Kennedy, one of whom would grow up to be the most powerful man in the world and fuck Marilyn Monroe senseless in violation of the Roman Catholic rite of marriage. The WB will also attempt to counterprogram NASCAR broadcasts at the local Hooters, giving comedian Jeff Foxworthy the sketch comedy show "Blue Collar TV." It's just so precious when the netlets put on their big boy pants and come up with their own shows!

Hollywood PrivacyWatch's celebrity sightings are sent in by Defamer readers. Share yours with the world by sending them to tips@defamer.com.